Black Friday goofiness for a well-fed Nation

We're in Santa Barbara, doin' a delightfully vacation-like version of the Thankgiving weekend. Unlike most, we flew on TurkeyDay morn. And it was a piece of cake. Maya took the direct flight in stride, nappin' and yappin' like a good girl should. Yesterday's NFL games were as thrilling as a "What I'm Thankful For" sermon from Ted Haggard. But the meal and associated thankiness with my wife's side of the family were wonderful. We didn't kill our own bird. Not many of those critters running 'round this neck of the woods. But it tasted so good you could have sworn we'd raised it or ran over it ourselves.

Now that we've moved onto "Black Friday" and everyone's prepared to cast aside yesterday's uncommonly good principles in hopes of scoring a Playstation 3, time for two brief bitter nuggets that are stuck in my craw.

First of all, I'd love to know which Bushie came up with the idea of having Dubya not-at-all randomly call 10 lucky "members" of the military. Worst. Token Effort. Ever. Did anyone suggest giving 10 random folks an honorary release from duty? When you consider the WashingtonPost piece posted today that scandalously notes 16,000 SINGLE MOTHERS have served in Iraq...well, I just can't imagine how we can be doing that to our people. Or maybe Dubya should have randomly called 10 citizens not in the military to get their opinions on the conflict. Oh, wait - he doesn't listen to the polls. Whatever way you kick this can there's little doubt in my mind that the Bushies are completely flummoxed by the need to come up new misleading imagery to better put a bowtie on this historic turd.

Secondly, I will start by admitting a certain appreciation for the classy discount retailer, Target. When I went to college in Minneapolis (where Target/Dayton's is based), Target supplied me and my equally poor cohorts with basically everything. Often on a short-term unofficially-leased basis (translation: lifetime return policy). They still blow away other retailers when it comes to charitable giving. In that light, they hitched their philanthropic wagon to David Blaine. His latest stunt was horribly contrived - hanging in shackles above Times Square for 2 days only to free himself this morning just in time to take a bunch of needy kids to a Target in New Jersey for a shopping spree. Seriously. Except Blaine didn't stick the landing. At all. Went through the plywood floor. Went to the hospital. And the kids? They don't really factor into the stories anymore. Ooof - now that's how NOT to run a publicity stunt.

Finally, the Dubya twins turn 25 tomorrow. And Jenna just got her purse snatched in Argentina, even while followed by the most entertained detail in all of the Secret Service. No follow-up joke there - I trust you've got plenty to say on your own. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Hope your own stunts involve secure flooring today. Rock on.