Focusing on the trees 'cause the forest scares the crap out of me

Gonzo's gone. So? Screw that guy. The only ones that lose in this overdue turn from that infamous worm are the people that dedicated their lives to the Justice Department and the larger practice of protecting the Constitution. But who cares - it's August so let's get straight to the tabloid crap!

Senator Larry Craig has done us all a favor by getting busted for cruising in the Twin Cities - we now all know to avoid taking a "wide stance" in a stall and that putting your luggage by the door to block the view is a dead giveaway to the cop that might be faking a dump session nearby. I for one will hereafter never even bolt the door. Thanks, Larry. You deserve another one of them Medals of Freedom that Dubya seems to be willing to toss around like so many Mardi Gras beads.

If you haven't yet seen the stunning and stunningly dumb Miss Teen South Carolina's answer to an utterly inane question at the pagent, you obviously have a life. But put that aside for a minute and revel in the syrupy stink of too much time spent putting on makeup, not enough time reading anything other that Nutrasweet packaging.


Sadly, Owen Wilson appears to have had a breakdown that according to his publicists certainly couldn't have been a desperate cry for help. I say sadly because I honestly find him to be a talented actor and writer. In personal terms, I had the distinct pleasure of meeting his parents in Dallas at my neighborhood coffeeshop the day after "Shanghai Noon" opened. Sarah and I'd seen it just the night before and loved it. His Mom was wearing a shirt festooned with the movie's title and when I asked about it they practically burst into song describing Owen and Luke and Andrew and their seemingly bastard son Wes. They were the sort of parents that made you instantly believe breeders can't be all bad. I've never forgotten that 15-minute conversation and I've joked of it often to friends and family since. Here's hoping that Owen gets real healthy real soon. Rock on.