Throwing immense piles of elephant poop

Last night's GOP debate was atrociously lame. While too many are focused on the internecine sparring, the tipping point moment was Mitt Romney saying that a President would need to "sit down with his lawyers" to determine if a pre-emptive attack on Iran was doable. Ahem. Ron Paul went apeshite and will surely see his already crazed internuts send cash by the bushels in response. Everyone else just looked horrible both before and after. Rudy Guiliani has the scariest worldview imaginable - he must be having marital problems. Again. Fred Thompson has as much of a chance of becoming President as David Spade. Duncan Hunter and Tom Tancredo both have to be gay given the Larry Craigness of their vitriolic nonsense. Sam Brownback and Mike Huckabee have the dumbest names in the history of the Republic. If any of these maniacs are our next President, we're all moving to Canada.

Hope your own debates are about chicken vs. fish today. Rock on.

"I don't know 'bout you, Pooty Poot, but I'm half-expectin' Sean Connery and a thin Alec Baldwin to surface any time now..."

Today's non-headline being overcovered is that Fred "Please ignore most of the reviews" Thompson is readying a hat to toss into the GOP quicksand. Or as some prefer - the search for a slightly farther down yonder exit strategy. Take your pick. I just wonder what's his rush. He's from show bizness, fer chrissakes. Don't rush the opening. He could wait out this circular firing squad 'til September and still be a darling. Sure, he's shooting for an official announcement on the Fourth of July. As if the enemy won't know exactly when and where to attack on that date certain. Hasn't he learned anything from watching old Tom Clancy crap? I mean, c'mon Freddy - you were in some of that crap. You owned that crap. Yawn. Speaking of that holiday week - Putin and Dubya are going to meet in Maine for talks. Doesn't THAT sound like it was ripped from the pages of a lesser Clancy plot. Fred would be wise to join my bet that everything else is news scraps that entire week.

Mitt "My wife was hot!" Romney just took a good hard shot to those pearly whites with a HuffPost headline and very loose logical connection. All because the "360Million but hey who's counting" Mitt offered not to take a Presidential salary. AttaBoy, Mitt. Actually he plans to donate it to charity. To no doubt list as an itemized deduction. Still, it's not like he's buying companies to go all Gordon Gecko on them. This time. Now we'll see how his organization's hitters respond.

I spent a healthy portion of Memorial Day weekend with my brother, Jake. We met up where he is for the summer - Corvallis, OR. The 73rd most interesting place in the State (for Wisconsin, it would be Merrill). Corvallis's motto that's on bits of everything is "Enhancing Community Livability". Seriously. So we headed for Portland, which is such a funny smart city. Best of all sorts of very fun stuff - I got us some scalped tix to see Arcade Fire in a crazy cool venue. Luckiest scalp job in my personal history. My rating - solid A. The ten of them (!) throw a wall of art school rock at you, fused with all sorts of cool influences and years of music nerd training and crazy theatrics and brilliant staging to make it all somehow bigger than rock and roll. It's just fun to listen to and watch in truly rudimentary concert-loving form. The crowd was gregariously hilarious. Arcade Fire could have played longer. Who cares. If you get a chance, check them out. Especially live. You'll be impressed.

Hope your own day's staging would work as well in a football stadium as in an intimate cafe. Rock on.

Ooh that Freddie...

The GOP field for Prez is pretty hard to like. The storylines are all predictably lame. Romney's shown more spit and polish than I expected. Guiliani's playing the bombthrower. The margins (Tancredo, Gilmore, Ron "Actually Two First Names" Paul) are weirder than usual. Yet in summation, dull dull dull. I'm not betting on Fred "Aces: Iron Eagle III" Thompson livening things up. Still, can't hurt. Especially if you check out his latest homestate Sunday newsy profile.

More importantly, the Brewers are so hot it's largely surreal. They are finding all sorts of ways to win games. Hot hitting, great pitching, strong bullpen. Ned "Huge Nicknamer Guy" Yost wanted a hot start and got exactly what had been predicted. Prince Fielder is scary. JJ Hardy is hitting like a 'roidhead. Everybody contributes. I'm telling y'all - this team is the real deal. Me so happy.

Hope your own profiles track down only the kids from high school that thought you were like totally cool. Rock on.