To think that Mike Gravel couldn't even win in Alaska - somebody needs a hug.

I'll sum up Super Tuesday in one word - wahwhozzit? With only New Mexico still undecided (Obama leads by a mere 71 votes), it's becoming clear that both the popular vote and delegate counts are almost exactly even. Unprecedented and fascinatingly complex. Bomb-throwers are speculating that the Clintons will need to lend millions of THEIR OWN money to the campaign to keep things rolling over the next few weeks while the smattering of contests look to seriously favor Obama. Quite a change from the penny-ante days of Whitewater, eh? Regardless, the whole race is just starting to simmer. Hence the absolutely ridiculous statement from Hillary last night during her "victory" speech that she "won't let anyone Swift-Boat this country's future." I'm not alone in wondering just what to take from that making it to a prime-time speech. Be afraid people. Be very afraid. This is gonna get muddy.

On the GOP side, McCain's a shoo-in. Romney's a bigger flop than this season's New England Patriots. Huckabee's a barely lovable Luddite. And Ron Paul will forever be known by his tattered bumperstickers on pick-ups and second-hand Hummers just like Kucinich is immortalized by similar campaign art on rusting Subarus and bike commuters' paniers from sea to shining sea.

Hope your own Super Humpday is a landslide of fun. Rock on.

And Fred Thompson will stop a staged armed-robbery with his trusty .45 and blow the smoke off the barrel as a tear wells up in his eye.

Boy, was I wrong. Hillary apparently nailed it with women voters by showing her human side. Unlike almost every single living American spouting off yesterday about what was bound to happen in New Hampshire, I'll actually apologize. I'll never be wrong again. Promise. We should all expect the next rush to judgment will come from the same punditocracy describing Obama's demise. I should take a break from commenting and just read a few books about other things and/or begin prepping brats for this weekend's NFL Playoff game between the Packers and Seahawks. But, well...I'll just pop off briefly to keep the chops up. Barack Obama will raise cash in the next four weeks like a junkie Trump. Hillary Clinton will get back on the inevitability train, taking the occasional heart-to-heart Sanka break. John Edwards will labor on and still no one will notice. Bill Richardson will pour three fingers of single-malt and light a phattie. Dennis Kucinich will keep the Viggo Mortensen vote, lose those few thousand hippie-veggie-oil biodiesel votes. My Republic Party picks for New Hampshire were pretty close, so I'll stand pat - John McCain faces many laps worth of hurdles but pulls it out. Mitt Romney will flop all over the place like a wounded marlin. Mike Huckabee will add the surviving cast of "Hee Haw" to his celebrity cavalcade. Ron Paul will soon be riding the bus with Mike Gravel. Duncan Hunter will still be in the closet. And we'll hear about it until this fascinating election actually ain't so much anymore.

Hope your endorsements all come from the exotic dancer unions today. Rock on.

Wanna bet?

It's go time. Everyone in the political universe and their central-casting retarded cousin and/or loving wife is currently in New Hampshire, prepped and over-caffeinated before tomorrow's Primary. So I'm going to offer a hopefully tasty rhetorical biscotti to munch on while considering anyone else's at-least-as-plausible prediction. With a challenge. I'll bet all comers One Canadian Dollar to offer up their own full breakdown. The closest by points (over or under) to each individual pick, then totalled for a final score wins the Loonie. I accept PayPal. Or general kudos. Game on.

The Democrat Party
Barack Obama - 46%
Hillary Clinton - 29%
John Edwards - 16%
Bill Richardson - 7%
Dennis Kucinich - 2%

The Republic Party
John McCain - 36%
Mitt Romney - 28%
Ron Paul - 18%
Rudy Guiliani - 9%
Mike Huckabee - 7%
Random morons - 2%

You can tell what I'm feeling. Hope y'all have the popcorn ready for tomorrow's feature. Rock on.

All she was missing was an "AAAARRRGH!"

Well howdy-doo - Barack Obama brought forth the "change" he's been promising the first night out of the gate. Namely, he changed the arc of the race last night in Iowa. Hillary's already throwing bombs - called him a "false hope" while probably sporting a raging hangover in Nashua this morning. Obama's victory speech last night was, in contrast, masterful. For those that look for the nuance in such theatre, watch how Barack moves in contrast to the camera, paying attention throughout to the audience. He's the most talented politcian I've ever seen (sorry, Bill). Hillary's tough as nails and is correct when she claims to have been tested through controversy. But everyone in the attentive world knows that the fact that she lost by 9 percent is major. I predict plenty of blood on the floor over the weekend. For those of us that love this sort of tangle, it's primerib time.

Oh, and if Mike Huckabee wins the nomination, I'll buy the world a Coke. I still say you're nuts if you don't see John McCain pulling down that role.

Hope your own balloons drop as planned today. Rock on.

America must choose...

Mike "I'm not saying all Mormons are bad" Huckabee's Jesusmas ad?


Or Barack Obama's?


Hope your own polls are on the rise today. Rock on.

"Who am I? Why am I here? Why do I still have a career?"

I won't fall for the alleged charm of Mike Huckabee. Please remember, he was one of the three GOP candidates that responded to a "show of hands" question at a debate that he didn't believe in evolution. He's trying to run as a Baptist minister who condemns abortion as a Holocaust. He says that terrorists are the greatest threat in our Nation's history. But he knows how to make lemonade out of crap. His Chuck Norris ad is hilarious. I recommend watching it, chuckling (pun intended) and then going back to believing that this man is the equivalent of James Stockdale in this election cycle.



Hope you don't watch a single episode of "Walker Texas Ranger" today. Rock on.

Let's all please agree to stop calling it a "bully pulpit" for the next, oh, 15 months or so, mm'kay?

Maya's sick and has been so for a few days. Discomfort on the level of a Larry Craig interview. But there are a few nuggets that I need to weigh in on before all the highly-paid pundits steal my thunder.

Sam Brownback's dropping out of the GOP race. So all the Brownbackers will now presumably become Huckabees. Ah, poetry.

The House failed to override Dubya's SCHIP veto by a handful of votes. Somewhere right now, Rahm Emanuel is toasting the future of his Party with Snidley Whiplash-like glee. Meanwhile, millions of kids are suffering. After a few days of seeing how much a child can suffer with exceptional healthcare, I feel more than ever that we as a Nation don't know shite about this issue any longer.

Dubya's invocation of "World War III" as a boogeyman during yesterday's press conference will, in my estimation, be one of his most quoted banana peels from this era of incompetence. To even bring it up from his self-proclaimed "bully pulpit" indicates how little he knows about his job. After nearly 7 years on the job. If he was a teacher, he'd have hit the bricks by the final bell yesterday. Instead, we've got 15 remaining months of this goober.

Seattle was warned that a big windstorm was bearing down on us today. It veered and it now appears that British Columbia might soon be leveled. Which is a drag, because I still hadn't made it up to Whistler.

Hope your own hatches are battened today. Rock on.

Throwing immense piles of elephant poop

Last night's GOP debate was atrociously lame. While too many are focused on the internecine sparring, the tipping point moment was Mitt Romney saying that a President would need to "sit down with his lawyers" to determine if a pre-emptive attack on Iran was doable. Ahem. Ron Paul went apeshite and will surely see his already crazed internuts send cash by the bushels in response. Everyone else just looked horrible both before and after. Rudy Guiliani has the scariest worldview imaginable - he must be having marital problems. Again. Fred Thompson has as much of a chance of becoming President as David Spade. Duncan Hunter and Tom Tancredo both have to be gay given the Larry Craigness of their vitriolic nonsense. Sam Brownback and Mike Huckabee have the dumbest names in the history of the Republic. If any of these maniacs are our next President, we're all moving to Canada.

Hope your own debates are about chicken vs. fish today. Rock on.