2010 YearEnder

It's been a few months since I posted anything here.  In the past, I've always put up my YearEnder for public consumption.  It just seems appropriate to still do so.  All the family stuff has been taken out.  This is the meat in the sandwich.  I hope a few things ring true for you.  Or at least that the points I scatter somewhat all over the map hit the occasional mark.  Rock on, 2011-style. 

2010 As a Series of Snapshots

• BP unleashed an underwater oil volcano that erupted for months, yet has already been mostly forgotten.  Proving that with a few ads and some rudimentary misinformation, 50 million barrels of the crudest oil can be miraculously turned into fish food and corral fertilizer.
• Sandra Bullock managed to win an undeserved Oscar and a nation's misplaced sympathy almost simultaneously.  While Jesse James' inexcusable infidelity managed to at long last give Nazi-friendly, goth tattoo models/strippers a bad name.
• Sarah Palin’s achieved what for some was a stunningly irksome degree of financial success.  Which was only dwarfed by every single person working on Wall Street.
• Tiger Woods spent a whole lot of solo time working on his swing, while Elin Nordegren finally got around to reading Stieg Larsson's Millenium trilogy in the original Swedish.  In so doing, they each found their bliss.
• Afghanistan became the Larry King of redundant, soul-draining foreign entanglements.  And even Larry knew this year was the time to say that enough's enough.
• A plucky bunch of Chilean miners came up with a unique but ultimately unsuccessful way to avoid the Great Recession.
• The political fulcrum story of the year was the "big C" conservative shellacking of the "shrinking L" left.  And the most vocal part of that Teabagging, pendulum-swinging movement is only going to demand more attention in the next political cycle.  Be careful what you wish for, America.  Check back in a handful of months from now and we'll see how this latest hopey, changey thing is working out.
  
• Conan O'Brien was forced to trade in a barely drivable talk show vehicle with three former owners for the equivalent of a 1992 Ford Taurus SHO with 212,000 miles - a late-night gig on TNT. 
• Elena Kagan joined Sonia Sotomayor as the two Obama appointees on the U.S. Supreme Court.  They both bat left, throw down the middle, and impress the scouts entirely.  Although their lackluster contributions to this year's Supremes Secret Santa gift exchange left plenty of room for creativity and studiousness.
• Glenn Beck, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert held rallies in our Nation's most storied public park. Beck claimed to gather like a billion people on the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech to tell them something unintelligible about George Soros. Subsequently, Stewart and Colbert proved little more than it's still too early for a Father Guido Sarducci comeback. 
• Haiti, the poorest nation in the hemisphere, suffered an earthquake that severely damaged well over half of the nation's structures and left over 200,000 people dead out of a population of 9,000,000.  Followed by the usual aftershock of our collective brief attention span and a distinctly human inability to know what to do about such tragedies.   
• Spain won their first ever World Cup, held in South Africa (the first African host nation).  The biggest stars of the event turned out to be a (murdered!) octopus in Germany and a cheap plastic horn with an pornographic sounding name.  Oddly enough, precisely matching one of the predictions from my last YearEnder.
• Barack Obama got popped in the kisser while playing basketball, requiring an array of stitches.  The other elbows he took all year long left no such visible marks.  But they'll prove much harder to repair.
• Our troops began to leave the active theatre in Iraq, moving toward the expected full withdrawal date of 2011.  Aside from the tens of thousands of military trainers, supporting personnel and diplomatic staff required to operate our fancy new Embassy - the largest maintained by any nation in any other nation on the planet.  Not that anyone's counting anymore. 
• Blogging ended.  For me, anyway.  Been there, overdone that.
  
• George W. Bush's memoir fell a bit flat.  He even included that ol' "miscarried fetus kept in a jar to scare the kids as they struggled with adolescence" chestnut.  Please give a curious public something they haven't read in every other Presidential autobiography next time, won't you?

Comeback of the Year

Brett Favre's shamelessly returned in the worst shape of his career for his final NFL season.  Controversy ensued when poorly staged and not at all flattering self-portraits of his, um, Little Quarterback emerged.  Forever replacing jokes about his wavering retirement decisions with ones that pivot upon sexting pictures of his junk.  In other words, not all comebacks are good ones.

Lexicon Addition of the Year

LeBron James' NBA free agency decision was boiled down to his proclamation of “I’m taking my talents to South Beach”.  Unsurprisingly, whenever a derivation of that phrase is now used, LeBron gets a cut.  So think carefully before you tell your manager at Cinnabon that you're "taking my talents to the Verizon kiosk".

Trend of the Year

The troubling reality behind mining “rare earth” elements.  These gnarly bits are essential to manufacturing everything from cell phones to green energy technologies and have names that sound straight out of a James Cameron movie (dysprosium, terbium, neodymium, europium, yttrium). Add in that they're crazy toxic, much of the mining is done illegally by criminal gangs and the fact that China has the market locked up like a hooker in Charlie Sheen's hotel suite.

A Few Picks for the Best of 2010

This year with an added honorable mention in each category, hereafter tagged "the UnderDoggie".

• TV – I'm left standing behind “Mad Men” as still the best show on TV.  This season’s effort by Jon Hamm as Don Draper was the most twisted, beguiling yet.  The episode ("The Suitcase" - regarding a Samsonite campaign) where Don got drunk with a fearlessly ambitious Peggy (the amazing Elizabeth Moss) equaled the best hour of filmed entertainment offered this whole dang year.  And the UnderDoggie goes to “Louie" on FX, orbiting closely around the actual life of my favorite comedian, Louis C.K.  The series started very small.  Then grew a massive pair and went far out beyond the margins of what's been seen before in a sitcom format.  Find it.  You're welcome.
• Movies – “Black Swan” was the very best I've seen thus far. The director, Darren Aronofsky, is the scariest and most surprising thing to come out of Dallas since Jerry Jones’ last three facelifts.  That pesky voice in my head desperately wants Natalie Portman’s fabulous scarves collection. She's also destined in the very near term to become the biggest female movie star on the planet.  UnderDoggie – “Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World” - the most underappreciated movie of the Year by miles.
• Sports – The San Francisco Giants and/or the New Orleans Saints.  Hard to bitch about sports with stories like these around.  UnderDoggie - Canada's impressive job hosting the Winter Olympics when Vancouver appeared to be hovering somewhere in the mid-60s.  Fahrenheit.  I haven't the foggiest idea what that would be in celsius, eh?
• Music – Kanye West’s new album "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" was far and away the best, most album-y, album of the year.  The arrangements, the beats, the featured performers, the flow.  This one’s for the brilliant douchebag.  UnderDoggie - the adorably dour, Dylanesque Swede stage-named The Tallest Man On Earth (Kristian Matsson) stayed in our CD changer more than anyone or anything else this year.  His full album, "The Wild Hunt" is the best of his stuff you'll find out there.
• Books – “Super Sad True Love Story” by Gary Shteyngart was the freshest thing I read all year.  A near future dystopian novel hardly stands alone these days.  But Shteyngart's unique timing and playful humor lightens and lifts the set-up perfectly.  His was also the best reading of the year I saw (at the Tractor Tavern in Seattle's increasingly posh yet still hilariously Scandinavian-dominated neighborhood, Ballard).  Rest assured, there were plenty of others that would have been brightened considerably by a drunken crowd and at least one accordian.  My UnderDoggie goes to Tom Rachman's "The Imperfectionists".  His darkly drawn characters working to stay afloat in a sinking, stinking newspaper stuck with me like no others encountered this year.
• Killer App – Wikileaks.  After only 4 years old, they're already on the brink of taking down governments. Let's see Google try that.  Or, please, let's not.  UnderDoggie - Groupon.  If your city doesn't offer them yet, those days are coming soon. 
• Radio/podcast – After years of not paying much attention to them, the rock 'n roll culture program "Sound Opinions" became a podcast that I absolutely never miss at least part of.  Jim and Greg's recent interview with James Murphy from LCD Soundsystem was the best chat about music I've heard all year, and they never fail to pick great stuff out of the bins I'd otherwise pass by.  The UnderDoggie goes to "The Moth" - the inconsistent storytelling podcast that is more hit than miss.  And sometimes a total homerun (Michaela Murphy's "All Star Game" being the best example that comes to mind from this year). 
• Journalism - General Stanley McChrystal lost his job as our top commander in Afghanistan for, as best I can tell, not knowing that "Rolling Stone" magazine was in the business of writing down the stupid things he said.  The other game changer scoop offered was McChrystal's affinity for Bud Light Lime.  Talk about a case of "don't ask, don't tell".  UnderDoggie - Ken Auletta's piece ("Publish or Perish?") in "The New Yorker" about the arrival of the iPad and what the competitive differences between it and Amazon's Kindle might mean for the future of publishing.
• Celebrity flameout – It seems almost unfair to pile onto the keeled over mess that is Lindsay Lohan.  But she's absolutely in a class by herself.  Aside from spending half the year in rehab and jail, her gig appears to now only be method acting prep (heavy on the "meth", but pretty equallly focused upon the "odd") for a starring role in her own autobiography.  She makes Joaquin Phoenix and Christian Bale look like they're mailing it in.  Sadly, Lindsay's also my dead pool pick for 2011.  In spite of all that, if she had a Farrah Fawcett-equivalent poster, it would be hanging above my bunk bed.  Right next to Lee Majors in his red track suit.  The UnderDoggie is awarded to Miley Cyrus.  In advance for 2011.  And 2013.
• Person of the Year – Dan Savage for initiating the inspired public service campaign for young gay people that served up proof that “It Gets Better” in the face of daunting, classless idiocy.  And the UnderDoggie goes to former JetBlue flight attendant, Steven Slater, for offering proof that in those cases where it won't we should all consider options that typically say "don't go there".

 TwentyEleven’s Largely Baseless Predictions

• The next Presidential election is already boiled down to two remaining Republican challengers before the first Primary vote is cast in early 2012.  A robotic re-election campaign for President Obama prepares to face either the Former Governor/Current Curmudgeon George Pataki or the Current Senator/Former Skull Model John Thune.  My money's on the skull guy.
• Taylor Swift steps up her ravenous trophy hunting by bagging a Timberlake, a Clooney, a Nicholson and a Bridges (Lloyd, which is all the more creepy given that he’s been dead since 1998).
• A new form of creative American austerity becomes all the rage, driven in part by Lady Gaga’s game-changing meat dress worn at 2010's "MTV Video Awards" show.  Consumers hungry for deals will eschew designer labels, choosing instead to make their own clothes with whatever they find lying around the house. 
• Kate Middleton and Prince William's royal wedding becomes the most watched televised event in history, surpassing the Apollo 11 moon landing and the finale of "M*A*S*H*".  Even during Prince Harry's 20-minute best man toast where he jokes about William's hair loss and some of Kate's "experimentation" in college.  The world feels a bit icky for like a week.
• A retro mania for the Muppets sweeps the Nation.  Once more, characters with vivid, unnatural skin tones and exaggerated, childlike emotions warms the hearts of kids young and old.  Until people begin to realize how similar they are to the new Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH). 
• The trendy embrace by kids of SillyBandz is replaced by the new gotta-have-them craze – HamHandcuffs. 
• Facebook fails in its broad assault meant to combine all our disparate forms of messaging.  If I'm to believe their current plan, my next YearEnder might be automatically pulled from all my emails and texts, along with possibly all the long forgotten notes scribbled on cocktail napkins stuffed in the pockets of old coats dating way back to the elder Bush's Administration.  I may not have rowed crew at Harvard, but I think I also have a case for why Facebook might lose on this one.  Too much, too soon.
• The cast of “Jersey Shore” is kidnapped by North Korea's new leader, Kim Jong-Un, to feed their tasteless, limitless cheese output to a hungry nation.
• Justin Bieber defies expectations and records a polka album.  You get it as a joke birthday present, but end up really liking it.  Then you hear it playing at a Starbucks while you're waiting on a caramel latte.  You cry just a skoch.  Then walk out, totally forgetting your drink order.  And the rest of the day pretty much goes like that.
• And the anniversary of 9/11 becomes a moment for all of us to pause and consider just how much - or how little - can be accomplished in a decade.

Whew.  So let's just call that my spin on 2010.  I wish y'all the best in the year ahead.  Be most excellent.

Ever -
E.

Swapping spies for better stories

I haven't gotten much of a charge from the whole prisoner swap with Russia story.  Sure, it's a throwback to an era that still has plenty of tasty juice to squeeze.  Especially when the current and ongoing big story (runaway underwater oil volcano) is being increasingly ignored.  And it adds to the foreign policy narrative about the Obama administration that I think is being lost amidst the fusillade of exploding turd bombs - namely, that we're seriously updating some old accounts starting with Israel and Russia, providing a platform for the decade ahead.  Still, something about this story feels so small as to not merit any heat and light at all.

Instead, I'd recommend digging back into the genre of international spy novels that are trying to update the Cold War mindset that provided such rich material for decades.  I won't claim a deep knowledge of what's out there.  But I did just finish "The Tourist" by Olen Steinhauer - my rating is a slow-building, strong B.  It employs a very smart Cold War throwback mentality to flesh out post-9/11 internal and external spy agency conflicts.  I'm going to read Steinhauer's sequel this week ("The Nearest Exit").  So rather than following the spy swap on the tarmac in Vienna, read some old-fashioned, well-written fiction that brings history right up into the present.  Who knows.  We just may learn something far deeper than who the Rooskie hottie really is along the way.

We're off to Santa Barbara for a week, as of tomorrow morning.  That will allow plenty of time for movies, family, reading and maybe even a trip to Disneyland.  We may even bring Maya.  Hope your own plans have plenty of cool wind in the sails today.  Rock on.

Oil exploration - a massive FAIL that calls for all kinds of revisions

We all should step back occasionally and make revisions.  It ain't easy when it comes to certain things (hello, novelists).  But in the wake of President Obama's Oval Office speech to the Nation, I'm thinking about a required revision I should have undertaken weeks ago.  Of course it's all related to the massive underwater oil volcano still erupting in the Gulf of Mexico.  Plainly stated, I was wrong when I gave Obama props for his long-range plans to open up offshore oil exploration.  And by revising the logic behind my earlier support for that political judgment call, I hope this brief mea culpa makes its way up the media foodchain to the President's desk.  I'm not expecting too much.  Just remember how my little bitchy fit about Williams-Sonoma paid off.

Obama's speech last night was a massive failure.  I think it just shows how out of their element his team is when dealing with an actual evolving crisis that they didn't inherit.  Obama wants to out-think this mess and out-straight-talk it - you can see and hear it dripping from every phrase he turns.  But he just plain doesn't say anything and his masterful cadences have begun to grate on even his more ardent supporters.  As a result, we're rudderless as the news gets exponentially worse every day.  Looking forward, the first hurricane that churns through the Gulf will upgrade the shitestorm of this underground septic tank leak into an exploding outhouse that sets the woodpile and outlying buildings on fire.  Or the rough equivalent.  What Obama does and says the next few weeks will set the tone for the entire summer.  So last night's speech was WAY too late and WAY too vague.  Move on and don't look back.  Because you had an off night with a really poorly written speech is now being kicked sideways by everyone this side of the World Cup.

This takes me back to the point I'd made at the end of March.  I thought that Obama was making a smart advance move in opening up the possibility of more exploration.  And in so doing, I thought he could eliminate the possibility of the GOP gaining ground in terms of energy policy which figured to be the next political battleground after financial reform.  What I (along with just about everyone else - even those that are paid to be keyed up on this stuff) didn't realize was that we can't drill safely.  Not at the depths we need to explore at for the foreseeable future.  Our regulatory oversight is horrible, the industry is arrogant, and we've got no money in escrow as a Nation to handle the costs if something goes wrong.  Allowing further exploration right now is just unconscionable.  Whether or not I should have seen that in March is beside the point - I was commenting on political points of expediency.  And I was way off my rocker wrong.  My apologies.

Maybe you're wondering why I'm bothering to get this out there.  Bloggers are people too, is my excuse.  And like many of my fellow citizens, I'm trying to figure out what to do about the disaster in the Gulf.  I've never even been to the beaches in Florida or off the coast of North Carolina.  Those are among the places that eventually will be soiled by all this.  So I'm just clearing my own conscience, with the equivalent of a small drop in the ocean of questions and failures we are all seeing form off the summer shore.  Sadly, that's about the only spill I'm able to deal with for the time being.

Drawing pictures of characters that make you throw up in your mouth just a little

Here's two book reviews that I need to add to the ether.  One with tons of press, one a fictional version of a heavy topic regarding newspapers.  Tenuous connection to toss out as an intro - my apologies.

"Game Change" by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin is that truly rare political journalism book - one that is good enough to stand on the writing alone.  But in this case there is also a great deal of well-crafted narrative there.  Obviously.  The stunning thing about "Game Change" for me is that while they don't craft new character profiles (everyone already knows the personalities of Obama, the Clintons, the Edwards, McCain, and Palin), they absolutely NAIL the air in the room around them.  You can see and feel what they're like.  That's great reporting.  Any political junkie in your life that hasn't read this must be instructed to do so immediately.  For all the journalism that I read, I'll nonetheless admit that this book shaped my view of all those players more than anything I've read since 2007.  My rating - a strong A-minus.

"The Imperfectionists" by Tom Rachman is the sort of novel I generally love.  Hot, topical, smart, full of characters that surprise and impress.  I tore through it, compared to my usual limp while being too easily distracted by a half dozen other things I'm reading.  It's not long, and the writing for a first novel is, without a doubt, impressive.  It reminded me of Colson Whitehead's first book ("The Intuitionist").  That's a double-edged sword.  Because in both cases, I wanted desperately to see what they'd do next, while not being especially thrilled with the way I felt after this book was done.  For completely different reasons, mind you.  Rachman paints a vivid, cleverly formatted picture of a dying newspaper and the largely horrible people that orbit around that institution's rotting core.  Early on, I was knocked flat and happy by how well he drew his characters - introduced and covered deeply in each section, then dropped completely unless by incidental references in other sections.  Then I began to hate how cynical the pictures were that he'd painted.  Eventually I wanted to tell him to knock it off.  At the end, I tossed the book aside and muttered something not especially nice about the time spent getting dicked around.  So I can't recommend it.  I give it a C-rating.  If only judged by the quality of the writing, I'd give him at least a B-plus.  But the people he draws - oh gawd, that's at best a high-D.  Which I feel sort of bad about, because I was rooting for this author big time going in.

Hope your own double-sided coin is good either way today.  Rock on.

Meanwhile, as the RNC debates how much to tip for a lapdance...

Reactionaries on the Left are lining up to take shots at the latest news from the Obama Administration.  Expanded offshore drilling along the East Coast and off the North Shore of Alaska.  People are shocked, SHOCKED, by the about-face on this ("he campaigned against it, for the love of crepes!").  I, however, must offer up what I've been thinking we've begun to see in policy practice from the Obamanauts and assuredly see here.

Obama is more than just moving the goalposts - he's rolling out a plan to redesign the whole stadium.  This is all part of a plan that was in place back during the campaign.  Because every campaign had a plan of what to do if they won.  And every campaign in the future will.  Even Sarah Palin would put together a similar list of initiatives, albeit one with startlingly different aims.

Anyone who takes the time to ponder the field of play will recall that Bill Clinton did the same thing.  So-called "welfare reform" being the bumpersticker example that to this day drives the GOP off their collective nut.  But there was a whole host of plays that Clinton stole (for lack of a better word) from the traditional playbook of Republicans.  Fast forward to Obama getting his big save with successful passage of health care reform.  He then moves quickly to knock things off of what I believe constitutes their big ol' "to do, to them" list hanging on the fridge in the White House breakroom.  Recess appointments.  Talking tough publicly and privately with Afghanistan.  Opening up energy exploration.  Next up, I expect the list of Administration initiatives will cause even more heartburn for the Left.  Social Security.  Terrorism prosecutions.  War powers undertaken in Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia, and even along the border with drug lords from Mexico.  I wouldn't be the least bit surprised by a very moderate pick to replace the soon to retire beloved lefty Justice John Paul Stevens on the Supreme Court - most likely a Senator or Governor meant to tie up those pre-ordained to object during confirmation hearings.  Long story short, Obama plays 3D chess.  The GOP, on the other hand, collectively couldn't look one move past yelling "King me!" after Scott Brown won a special election against one of the worst Senate candidates I've ever seen.  

What we're seeing with this offshore drilling headline nugget is a long-planned move in a larger serious game.  Can the GOP now take shots at Obama's energy policies, in anticipation of the climate change legislation debate about to heat up?  Sure, but DAMN did the Obamanauts take the legs out from under that GOP position.  Unfortunately, this "game" does have major impact on the environment and millions of jobs and just about every facet of our society.  I say "unfortunately" only because it has to be played like a game in order to win anything worth claiming as a trophy.  The truth is, I'd rather have Obama "playing" than any other leader in my adult lifetime.  Because even while he's changing the rules and where the dugouts are and how many vendors can sell gawddamn redhots from the stands, I believe this guy is smart enough to be thinking ahead to a whole wide world of what's next.  Obama says it himself - he's a better political strategist than his staffers tasked with that portfolio.  And he's right.

Hope your own perception of crisis presents an opening for expanded opportunities today.  Rock on.

"Do you have the audio version of these? With or without the laugh tracks."

It's been a long while since a picture on the front page of the NYTimes made me laugh.  But seeing Obama enjoying a moment holding up both Mitt Romney's and Karl Rove's latest cheese screeds at an Iowa City bookstore induced more than a few yuks this morning.  I'm sure wonky folks all across 'Merica this morning are spitting up a bit of soy latte when they catch the implied meaning of that shot.  Kudos are due for that one, BigCity PaperPeople.  Even if they do hate our freedom, they're pretty goshdarn clever.

Speaking of which, that bookstore (Prairie Lights Books) must be stoked.  Obama bought three kids books there after giving them a shout-out during his health care reform event.  Some lucky staffer surely dug doing that advance location scout.  I'm sure his whole staff was loving the campaign throwback theatrics of it all.  Obama even got to field a heckle about paying for his books with taxpayer money.  In effect, that is true.  So kudos to the heckler, as well.

Hope your own job lets you spend copious time browsing in bookstores today.  Rock on.

Orange you glad this came to light?

So after all that sturm and drang, Obama gets a health care reform bill.  Sure, the Senate still can throw some blood from the grandstands in hopes of undermining the hoopla.  But this really is a big deal.  Not even Biden can fully toss this moment under the bus with the overstatements to ill effect (even though he tried).  I'm convinced that McCain and all the haters that are throwing "repeal" around haven't really tested what they're talking.  This will hurt the Dems in the Fall, although they were bound to get spanked for looking so completely rudderless regardless of what they did on health care.  What will happen to the GOP is the big open question.  Actually, I expect them to soon begin gushing a reversal of accusations.  They'll pivot 180-degrees to say that the delay required to test many of the provisions of this legislation is too long and that they should all be rushed to market so as to shock the system.  Still, the upcoming period of debate will see many new surprises.  Anyone that claims they can predict those upcoming surprises, however, is totally full of snot.

One surprising bit of hilarity that I didn't see in all the reporting beforehand was that indoor tanning studios will see a 10% increase in taxes as early as this summer as a minor part of the bill.  How have this Nation's comedians not used that to further color John Boehner's clownish appearance?  Granted, I'd read long ago that he actually uses one of the those vanity tanning lights in his office that went out of style in 1963 - not some new-fangled tanning salon.  It matches his chosen brand of cigarettes (Boehner smokes Barclay's).  He really is the joke-writer's gift that keeps on giving.

Hope your own pursuit of the glow keeps you on the golf course rather than in a tanning bed today.  Rock on.

Surprise, surprise - being heard feels good. So let's try that again.

First of all, I need to offer up a well-earned correction.  Happily.  Last week, with very little subtlety I tore into Williams-Sonoma for not attending to my initial plea for help in replacing or repairing a big ol' KitchenAid mixer gone kaput.  Thankfully somewhere out there in the collective dingy basement of those scouring the internets, my wee little post made its way up the ladder to the PR Director at Williams-Sonoma in San Francisco.  Fast forward through a few emails and you now find me dealing directly with the General Manager at our local Williams-Sonoma.  I'll keep you posted on the mixer.  But, rest assured, Williams-Sonoma has surprised and impressed me immensely.  

Which has me thinking - where have I missed out on past complaints that a special someone keeping an eye on little ol' us here @ andthefamilybuick might have been able to do something about?  So as I wait for a brake job on our generic family wagon (don't EVEN get me started on the enigmatic duality of Firestone here in Ballard), I think the time has come to pick at a few scabs.

Hey, NPR - remember that car we donated this past summer?  Yea, the Volvo with like 180K miles, the busted head gasket that essentially meant we needed a new engine, and the caked-on decade and a half of good memories.  Yea, you sold it at auction and gave KUOW here in Seattle 700 bucks.  That one.  Well, we never even got a travel mug.  Or a tote bag.  I know you have our address 'cause we get new pleas for pledges every few weeks, it seems.

Hey, Apple - remember me coming in nearly a year ago to see if you could repair my wife's old iPod (screwy internal drive) a few months after I'd replaced my laptop with the shattered screen (my daughter innocently pulled it by the power cord off the breakfast counter)?  Yea, the guy you told that you'd give 10% off a new iPod if we donated the old one.  I must have misheard you.  What did you really say?

Actually, this is pretty fun.  So one more.

Hey, President Obama - remember me, the guy who's been defending you even as seemingly every other dolt who could afford a bumpersticker back in '08 has jumped ship in protest of some sort of nonexistent gripe about your job performance? Remember, the dood with the broad historical reading of politics who's nonetheless learned a bit from past forecasting mistakes and the past election cycle called it for both your and McCain's nominations back in November '07?  No, I'm not one of those going all "MassHole" on this Scott Brown special election and calling it the end of ObamaCare while wasting time building strawmen and blathering about "revolution".  And no, I'm not those guys demanding that the Dems dig in their heels and fight back.  I'm that other one, up here in the Northwest wearing the Milwaukee Brewers hat.  Yea, the old classic logo one - that's me.  The one looking for you to show how well you can play the rope-a-dope routine on health care.  Pull the compromise bill.  Push through a smaller bill on the obvious stuff.  Pivot to the economy.  Frame the argument, don't take it spoon fed by the haters.  And play more basketball.  The country somehow seems to feel better about itself when we see you loose and lithe on the court.  Thanks for that.  Oh, and if you want, could you erase my NSA file?  You should be fine if you go back to about '87 or so.

Hope your own customer service success stories also go all the way to the top today.  Rock on.

Juxtaposing the Nobel Peace Prize and amateur porn? Piece of cake...

Everyone's shocked that Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm still digesting, but here's what I find interesting. This is all about aspirational voting. Rather like how some people vote for Republicans because they want lower taxes on the wealthy, in case they someday join their ranks. Or moreso that the Nobel voters want to believe that Obama will someday achieve the things that he's being criticized by the haters for not yet doing even though the disagree with his approach to their very core. My feeling is that this is exactly what Obama needs right about now, even if his advisers privately feel like it's a distraction. Keep Barack looking out at the much broader horizon, which is what he does so well. Have the world focus on what a break from the recent past of U.S. policy he represents. All the while slogging through the nuts and bolts of governing. Aside from all that, I was struck by the passing reference to how he's the "third sitting U.S. President" to win a Peace Prize. The other two? Woodrow Wilson in 1919 for founding the League of Nations, and Teddy Roosevelt in 1906 for negotiating a peace treaty between Russia and Japan. In my mind those Prizes were for very different criteria. But this is a very different world, so I say debate amongst yourselves.

To shift gears mightily, I'm going to see some porn at noon today. In a theatre. Hump! is the 5th annual amateur porn contest sponsored by The Stranger (Seattle's only real newspaper) that inspired the storyline for the movie "Humpday". Speaking of which, I saw "Humpday" in Milwaukee recently as a part of the Milwaukee Film Festival because, well...I was in Milwaukee and I'd missed it on its art house release schedule this summer (it's out on DVD in November). "Humpday" was a sweet, perfect little movie. Well, almost perfect. My rating - B-plus. But Hump! is the real deal. Amateur porn shorts, shot by real local people and screened only today and tomorrow before the entries are burned or sent to Tony Perkins at the Family Research Council in a brown paper wrapper or sent to NASA to be included in the next Moon bombing. Am I a fan of porn? Um, define fan. But then again, who isn't? And I'd rather see a hilarious compilation of local perversion surrounded by hipsters than Marlon Brando getting his butthole buttered up in "Last Tango in Paris" with a bunch of film snobs that might endeavor to call that humorless crap art. Check back for a rating. Sometime after I pick up Maya from daycare, one should expect.

Hope your own definition of modern parenting adds a slightly revised definition today. Rock on.

"In my country, it would be rude NOT to look."

When was the last time "Good Morning America" actually broke some news? Check that - when did they last break news WITH some actual wit? Doesn't matter, really. Today I'll give some props for what they did with the alleged booty check by Obama at the G-8. He's clean as the tears of a baby panda. Sarkozy, on the other hand, is a little perv who was probably wearing lifts at this photo op. Enjoy.



Hope you're also looking good from where I'm standing. Rock on.

Obama vs. the Press = Tyson vs. Galifianakis

Obama just finished his newser and the questions of the day were nothing if not yawn-inducing. He can just plain outflank and outthink everyone sitting in front of him in that room. Everyone knew he was going to go a bit tougher on Iran's brutality, everyone knew the health care questions would be without nuance, everyone knew someone would ask about his smoking. Here's how I'd score it - he's still walking the right line on Iran. He can talk circles around the entrenched arguments against health care reform. The remaining cluster of weak, snarky turds tossed up were swept off the dais with an impressive mental broom. And if this dude - the Leader of the Free World - can't sneak a smoke while pondering the difficult roster of things hanging in his mind, then anyone else that smokes must stop immediately. End of thread.

Maya's developed an ongoing and expanding relationship with her imaginary friend, Ella Bella. Ol' Ella Bella has done just about everything that happens to show up in any book, TV show or random conversation. Ella Bella's age is utterly fluid - everywhere from being a baby to 100 years old. Ella Bella is fearless and teaching Maya to also be so. I don't know where she initially came from or when exactly she showed up. I tend to think it's hereditary since I also had an imaginary friend when I was pre-school age, according to my Mom. Ironically, his name was George. I don't know what happened to George, but I assume he retired from the business of imaginary leadership to some sort of desolate ranchland in Texas. Just a guess.

Hope your own friends are equally sweet but slightly more tangible today. Rock on.

And why couldn't someone on the advance team put the nose back on the Sphinx? That's just poor planning.

Obama in Egypt is a pretty thrilling sight. His speech to the so-called "Muslim World" was well-delivered, generally inspiring, but a game changer...I'm not so sure. Just being elected President was the game changer. Now he's trying to play the new game. One thing that I will say in concert with a particularly interesting critical view offered by Reza Aslan, is Egypt was the wrong venue. Sure, you get the photo op at the pyramids afterward. You could almost here the shtick - "first time visitor, long time admirer." But the shadow of Hosni Mubarak dims the view of anything Obama may see in Egypt. When he was a kid, Barack lived in Indonesia. That country has the largest Muslim population of any nation on the planet, that can also bridge a much forgotten gap to the world's Hindu population. Seriously - when will someone tell American politicians to mention Hindus when they run through their stock phraseology of the world's top religions? I'm not saying bring up Scientology. Just run the numbers. Anyhoo, Indonesia has a democratically-elected government, whose secular parties recently won a nationwide mandate. On the other hand, Mubarak is a self-identified President for Life (not in the same terms of our nation's convoluted semantic debate - he thinks he's the frickin' King). And while I appreciate the symbolism of cruising through Saudi Arabia on the way to Egypt, Obama's strategists I think missed an incredible opportunity to make an impact on those oppressed Muslim citizens of the World that want Democracy above all else. I sincerely hope this tour helps the standing of the U.S. in the eyes of so many that had furrowed their brows at us through the disastrous period when Dubya ran the show the few hours a day he wasn't strapped onto his mountain bike. But I'm not going to let this super cool dood off the hook when I think he's playing it like he's outside the lines. This was a safe run through the Middle East. The fact that we're playing nice on their court, though - total class.

Hope your own disappointments today go no further than the amount of sprinkles on your cupcake. Rock on.

And no shoes were chucked at this particular Commander in Chief

Obama's tour through Europe was fascinating. Political impasses, minor chaotic protests, a constantly fawning public, and blossoming bromances across the spectrum of leaders. Not so much with Angela Merkel. But after doing a star turn in Turkey that we can already point to as a game-changer (they will once again let our military use their airspace as a pipeline in and out of Iraq) Obama flew into Iraq through that airspace. It wasn't much of a surprise to most of the press corps. Still, great theatre.

One quickie review - "Adventureland" is a bit over-rated. Great nostalgia for those of us that came of age in the late 80s. Great soundtrack, with both Husker Du and The Replacements in the mix. Jessie Eisenberg and Kristen Stewart are big stars in the making. Ryan Reynolds is lovable as always, even while playing a cad. But the middle was too muddled. My rating - B-minus.

Maya's on the leading edge of a two-week Passover break. So let the endless playdate scheduling begin! I'm sure by the end of next week we'll all be ready to get back to business. For now, it's fun though. Especially since Seattle's enjoying a serious dose of Springtime weather.

Hope your own windows are open and your juiceboxes are chillin'. Rock on.

One word - brovorce

Time to catch up on a few things. Fasten your seat belts.

Barack Obama's media onslaught over the last week. Non pareil. This dude could sell Shamwows to the Shamwow dude. Snark all you want but I give it a full on A rating.

"I Love You, Man" - we saw it last weekend on a date night. My rating - C-plus. Funny. In a sort of "don't pick on the special kid" way of being funny.

The GOP Budget roll-out of their 19-page "blueprint" of a plan yet to be drafted. No rating. Once I clean the milk out of my sinuses I may have something to say about this upchuck of hilarity.

"Important Things" by Demetri Martin on Comedy Central. Wanted to love it. Want to know what Steven Wright thinks of his entire act being stolen by a guy half his age with an entire crew at the ready. Want it to go away. Rating - C-double-minus.

Maya caught a cold and is home today from daycare. Rating - D. Seeing Maya recovering mightily and acting like the cutest kid on the planet. Rating - A. Averaged grade - um...like a B-magic-unicorn or something.

Hope your own Friday afternoons don't include trying to explain why you haven't had prescient/funny/life-changing things to say over the past week plus. Rock on.

Bobby Jindal - more Kenneth or Kyle?

Obama did what he needed to do last night - look like he's in complete control, hit some heartstrings, lay out the fact that we're pretty damn screwed. Michelle looked fabulous as everyone is saying - if my arms looked like that I'd burn all the sleeves in the house. Everyone else postured as we surely expect when it comes to these things. But I've got a burning question and a fresh peeve to offer. Governor Bobby Jindal was horrible in offering the GOP response - we can all agree on that, I'm sure. Still, there seems to be an unusually active meme that has compared his appearance and tone to that of the actor Jack McBrayer who plays Kenneth Parcell on the sitcom "30 Rock". I can see that. But as I saw things, he's more of the spitting image of the actor DJ Qualls who played the awkward yet ascendant nerd character Kyle in the movie "Road Trip" back in 2000. Bobby's a dork, forced to act like he believes in things he doesn't even though he knows better (Rhodes Scholar, Biology degree from Brown, supposedly now in support of teaching intelligent design in Louisiana schools). Kyle played essentially the same character in "Road Trip". Kenneth brilliantly plays a rube-like NBC page from an inbred background with a starry-eyed worldview. Kyle had sex with a woman he met posing as a cooler than he was college student while mooching off an African-American fraternity. You do the math. Bobby Jindal is DJ Qualls.

Hope your own separated at birth pools are primed for action today. Rock on.

A day for all of us to celebrate

Everyone's doing their best today to make sense of the superlatives. Historic. Inspiring. Global. Humbling. Today Barack Obama takes over from the worst Prezidunt in the history of our Nation. As the festivities were unfolding live, I was enjoying my favorite part of the day - getting Maya ready for "school" @ the JCC. We walked this morning through an uncharacteristic Seattle fog bank (our car's in the shop, so to speak). Well, I walked. Maya skipped. I coached her on why this was a big day. She thereafter perfectly pronounced "Barack Obama's Inauguaration". Call me what you will, but if you're a committed liberal that hears that from your child...well, a few loving tears are required. After I got it together as we entered the JCC, we found all of Maya's classmates and many parents gathered in a darkened room watching the festivities in DC that at that moment was the swearing in of Joe Biden. I didn't want to watch just part so I told Maya I was going home to watch there. After we hugged she told me "have fun at the Inauguration". Once again perfectly pronounced. You can imagine that I booked out of there before any of the other parents saw what a soft-shell crab I actually am.

Anyhoo, I'll do a bit of "not-quite-live" blogging now that I'm nestled in front of the TiVo. I'm using MSNBC for my network of record. Seriously.

MSNBC just commentated that former President George H.W. Bush is "walking old". Lay off the dood - he looks great. And, yes, he's at least 100 years young.

They have "The Speech" in the hands of the networks. But it is "embargoed". How many people in "Real America" do you think know what that means?

Hillary and Bill look like they each just swallowed half of a bug.

Chris Matthews just opined that Bill Clinton has such obvious affection for George the Elder because Bubba never had a father. Really? Wow, would I love to be in the room when a therapist floats that theory to the former President.

Cut to the moving vans outside the White House. There's the "change we can believe in".

Back to the Obama girls. They are simply the cutest kids on the planet.

Lynne Cheney appears to be wearing a fur collar. Laura Bush appears to be wearing a smile that would frighten the dead.

Michelle Obama and Jill Biden are the sort of women that everyone can admire.

People are booing Dubya as his image came up on the screens. Not surprising. But sad on some level. Especially because it stepped on Michelle's arrival on the platform.

CHENEY IN A WHEELCHAIR! The official story is that he hurt his back "moving boxes" for their departure. You heard it here first - he shot himself in the foot. Which, oddly enough, is an improvement.

Joe Biden is having more fun than anyone on the planet today. With nearly the least responsibility of anyone on the planet, as well. For the moment.

Barack Obama descending to the Inaugural Platform was the coolest crowd pass I've ever seen. But that guy's nervous.

Rick Warren. Um, this is awkward to criticize. He did an awesome job with limited weirdness. But he's still too evangelical for my taste.

Aretha Franklin showed off one of the greatest hats in the history of hats. But I expect that Re-Re had a bit too much emotion flowing to make this one of her greatest performances. Incredibly good, nonetheless.

John Paul Stevens is the cutest old guy on the planet. Joe Biden I think even called him "Mr. President" at the end of the oath of office. Biden - I'm tellin' ya, that guy's having fun today.

Birds are circling over the classical quartet interlude. Why is Robert Gibbs (Obama's Press Secretary) sitting behind them?

Chief Justice John Roberts I believe purposely messed up the wording of the oath. Maybe he was nervous. But I can't wait to see what the wall-to-wall dooshy-class makes of a few humble stumbles on President Obama's part. After all, Obama voted against Roberts' confirmation.

And now...the speech.

Once he gets speaking, there ain't nothing that can hold this man back.

I'll just enjoy and comment later. I hope y'all also soak up this larger than life day the way it was intended - as a celebration.

Sully, you da mahn!

Just what our Nation needed - an inspiring story not about Obama. Of course I'm talking about that plane doing a water landing on the Hudson River. The pilot just plain stuck the landing perfectly with two engines disabled by birds. Everyone got out OK. Reporters have had a collective boner for 12 hours. The on-the-scene accounts are vivid. I expect it will play out for days to come. And then comes the Inauguaration. Buh Bye Dubya parties across the globe. Good news does a great deal to warm even the coldest forecast.

Hope you didn't also wake up to 34-below-zero this morning. Rock on.

2008 YearEnder

On the 4th Anniversary of this Blog, I'll give y'all a hearty taste of the YearEnder that I send to friends and family. Merry Merry 2009 to all.
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2008 – The Year in Politics
This YearEnder establishes a new feature. My “YearEnder PoliTicker” – a gauge of various folk that floated through the political mainstream in ’08, viewed through a thoroughly unscientific stock-picking mechanism. Invest wisely based upon these recommendations. And please bear in mind that almost all stock-picking shtick is shallow, confusing and utter nonsense. Kinda like anything you might hear on CNBC or its mutant twins on any given day.
- Barack Obama (HOLD) – he was the Man of the Year and the biggest political story of our generation. But with what he’s facing, I’d sit on the Hope you’ve already got at least through 2009.
- Joe Biden (BUY) – the anti-Cheney will soon become a surprisingly necessary asset to keep the Cabinet in check. And now that he won’t be taking the train back to Delaware every weeknight, expect the Bidens to be all up in the grill of the DC social scene.
- Hillary Clinton (HOLD) – the perks that come with being Secretary of State are huge. Hillary's stock peaked well over a year ago. But she's one to HOLD for the long run that she surely thinks still ain't over yet.
- John McCain (SELL) – he’s been a gracious loser, but this campaign kicked the crap out of his infamous stamina. Going back to the Senate as a gelding Republican sounds about as much fun as heading to San Francisco as a young Mormon missionary to knock on doors in the Castro.
- George W. Bush (BUY) – most believe that he couldn’t possibly head anywhere but further down down down. But near the end of the 2009, I expect there will be a retro movement to bring him out of mothballs. What’s a satirical society without a disgraced figure to chuck a few shoes at? Call this a risky BUY, but one worth adding to your portfolio. Besides, it's an extremely cheap BUY.
- Sarah Palin (SELL) – she’s now a different type of GILF (Grandmother, rather than Governor). Look for a concerted effort within her own Party to trash Grannie Palin. After all, everyone secretly hates a Beauty Queen. Even in Wasilla. Dump her stock while you still can.
- Nancy Pelosi (HOLD) – I love Nancy. But she’s been frustratingly ineffective. She needs to go public with the vitriolic bitchiness I know she’s been hiding. Don’t be surprised if it happens. But don’t hold your breath.
- Harry Reid (BUY) – I don’t love Harry. He’s been totally ineffective. But he used to be a boxer. If Senator Al Franken manages to get under his skin, Harry just might come out swinging this Year. Take the risk and get a bit o’ Harry.
- Mike Huckabee (BUY) – amazingly, SkinnyHuck is making the BigBucks. He’s charming, funny and a complete disaster on the issues. In other words, he’s golden on FOX News. BUY by the bushel.
- Mitt Romney (SELL) – the only politician actively campaigning for 2012. He will become a fixture on cable news to deliver the Republican’s single talking point on the economy (“it’s Obama’s fault”). Dump all your Romney. A share of him is more toxic than a bushel of Lieberman.
- Elliot Spitzer (BUY) – being an alleged do-gooder publicly disgraced by a stunning prostitute isn’t the most inglorious way to end a political career. After all, Spitz is already writing a column for “Slate” about ethics. Expect that rebranding to expand. It won’t be long before he’s all over the place, being considered a big brain with tragic insight. Especially after Ashley Dupre` breaks down and does her overdue million-dollar nude spread for a greasy porn mag in the next handful of months.
- Rod Blagojevich (SELL) – if ever there was a guy prepped to tell a reporter to “BLEEP off” during a live press conference, it’s Blago. He’s managed to go from tragedy to comedy right back to tragedy again. If life was a Scorsese film, he’d already have been popped. Essentially a penny stock. Still, dump all your Blago and remove guilt by association from your portfolio.

2008 in a Snapshot
- The worldwide economic meltdown. Massive housing depreciation. The collapsing American auto industry. A shady $700B Wall Street bailout. Unemployment spikes during the biggest hiring season of the Year. Gas and oil prices boomerang all over the place. Anarchy in the credit markets. Where will it end? No, seriously – I’m asking. Where does it end? Ba dump bum.
- The Detroit Lions managed to further depress Detroit unlike anything since the last Bob Seger reunion tour.
- Alaska and Hawaii were finally noticed the year before their 50th anniversaries of Statehood by the traveling campaign press corps. Which assignment do you think was more sought after? (Hint: pack a bikini, not a parka).
- Among those that passed away this Year were three of my personal favorite people – Paul Newman, George Carlin and Tim Russert. They will be missed.
- William Ayers and Joe the Plumber entered the political lexicon. One by slander, one by inexplicable ego.
- David Letterman showed just how funny he can still be when he piled on McCain’s imploding campaign.
- Robert Downey Jr. had more fun than anyone on the planet.
- Larry Craig's "wide stance" ruined a perfectly good bathroom in the Twin Cities airport.

Comeback of the Year
Pirates. No, not the Pittsburgh ones.

Quote of the Year
“That one.”

Trend of the Year
Vampires – Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight”, HBO’s “True Blood”, Vampire Weekend (my runner-up for Album of the Year), Tom Cruise’s rise from the dead only to return again to his crypt after the failure of “Valkarie”. The undead were everywhere. And I’m bloody sick of it.

A Few Picks for the Best o’ ‘08
- Movies - There are loads of new films I’ve not yet seen. But “Slumdog Millionaire” was the best movie I saw all year. I consider it the single most hopeful, romantic, allegorical story to counter the terrible tragedy that Mumbai suffered recently in real life.
- Music - Bon Iver (the pseudonym for the musician Justin Vernon and his collaborators) recorded the stunningly beautiful album “for Emma, forever ago” at a cabin in northern Wisconsin. The location arms me with an obvious bias. But if you can listen to this album and not consider the brilliance required to make magic in such sparse recording conditions you’ve not been to the same cabins that I grew up enjoying.
- Books - Richard Price’s novel “Lush Life” features hard-edged, distinctly real-feel dialogue that masterfully transports the reader to places they'd never knowingly choose on their own. Richard Price's work is good enough to whet the appetites of those still crestfallen now that “The Wire” is no longer on HBO.
- TV - “The Daily Show” continues to be the most essential show on any level. Sure, it’s a safe-sounding pick. But if anything else was on top of our TiVo recording list for 8-years running, it would have instead earned this accolade. And I believe Jon Stewart should have become the new moderator on "Meet the Press".
- Radio - Likewise, “This American Life” is essential radio listening. Especially in the case of two of their shows this Year dedicated to analysis of the economic meltdown. “The Giant Pool of Money” and "Another Frightening Show About the Economy". Both are infinitely better than any other economic reporting I saw during this difficult Year. Download the podcasts. Please.
- Sports - Michael Phelps swam like a dolphin. Maybe he's not a bad guy. But he’s becoming a Paris Hilton-like celebrity. Did anyone really think he was ready to host "Saturday Night Live"? Cancel that – the NY Giants winning the Super Bowl last January was the best sports moment of the Year.
- Killer App - Facebook became the single most effective way of locating largely-forgotten personal ghosts since the invention of the Private Eye. Sign up if you haven’t already done so. And crack out your old address books. You’ll be amazed who you’ll bump into. Maybe a bit scared, too.

2009 Largely Baseless Predictions
- Condi Rice comes out of the closet. Translation: she actually voted for Obama.
- Al Gore drops the whole global warming shtick for a more innovative new cause – hydroponics.
- Miley Cyrus starts dating Lindsey Lohan. The editorial offices of four tabloids soon thereafter spontaneously combust.
- New Orleans finally gets what it needs to begin a real recovery after Governor Bobby Jindal realizes he actually has a shot at the GOP nomination in 2012.
- Karl Rove shoots himself in the face on a hunting trip. The media rushes to indict Dick Cheney who was nowhere near Rove at the time, as evidenced by sworn statements that he was a 1000 miles away at the time shooting another man in the face. (Note: "Dick Cheney shoots someone in the face" predictions never get old)
- Ford buys GM and eliminates a bundle of divisions. Chrysler folds. But andthefamilybuick.blogspot.com survives and thrives. Check it out.
- The U.S. is truly, sadly the last foreign military presence in Iraq after Britian pulls out their last soldiers in the early summer. Widespread unwillingness to return for yet another tour of duty hobbles our military. We’re reluctantly down to 50,000 soldiers deployed there by 2010. Iraq becomes Bosnia. Translation: no one cares anymore as the World turns a deaf ear on yet another unresolved tragedy.
- Gitmo is closed and all prisoners are transferred to a prison in one of the reddest of red states. Oklahoma? Idaho? Wyoming? Utah? Yea, payback’s a bitch.
- Two new Supreme Court slots surface when John Paul Stevens and David Souter announce their retirements. Bill Clinton is spotted in Georgetown getting preemptively measured for a robe.
- The Gaza Strip is renamed the Gaza Smoldering Median.
- The Bush Legacy Project concentrates its energy on Phase One – a formal effort to change the pronunciation of "nuclear".
- The next Governor seized by scandal? Vermont’s Jim Douglas. It turns out that he’s been mislabeling his sugaring operation’s Grade B maple syrup as Organic Grade A maple syrup. His political career is OVER.
- The increasing wave of retail bankruptcies finally finds a way to make me smile – the nationwide decimation of high-end dog treat boutiques.

So where do we go from here? Forward (the official motto of the State of Wisconsin). I still find great reasons to have confidence in our Nation and I look to 2009 with focused, open eyes. May yours be a blessed Year ahead. Thanks for reading. Rock on.

"Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in..."

If you're at all like me, you can already see the GOP nutjobs out there spinning their beanies at hyperspeed as they conspire how to use the flaming cartwheel of a crash that is Illinois Governor Blagojevich (prounounced nothing like it's spelled). As I type, Patrick Fitzgerald is holding a clinic on poise during a press conference to announce Blagojevich's arrest. Somewhere far, far away, Scooter Libby is having a flashback. Cut to the chase? Blago extorted untold sums of cash and contributions for favors while Guv. But the headline is - he was trying to sell the Senate seat being vacated by Obama to the highest bidder. Thus far, absolutely no link to Obama. Nor will they ever find any. Unless, perhaps, someone pushed the Justice Department to dump this truck on the lawn well before the Inauguration. I guarantee everybody one thing - the GOP will try to make this stick to Obama. This is Bill Ayers on the sort of steroid cocktail Barry Bonds choked down. This is utter crap, as a smear. But - I'm sad to say - it's got zazz. Back to the real point - Blago provides the final evidence for one of the truest hypotheses in my canon. Never trust a guy with a haircut like THAT.

Hope your own Cabinet announcements somehow avoid questions about "when did you speak with Blagojevich?...cough, cough...sorry, there's a lot of phlegm in that name". Rock on.

"Next question, Mr. President-Elect - do you plan to nominate anyone who actually believes in the current Bowl Championship Series system?"

A few thoughts on Obama's Cabinet. First, this guy is fully ensconced in the nuts and bolts of settling many scores while getting better geared up to serve than anyone has ever shown themselves to be at this point. Hillary's peeps wouldn't have been happy without at least what she got. Bob Gates staying on at Defense makes more sense than trying to hop into another canoe mid-river. Susan Rice, Eric Holder, James Jones - c'mon, everybody...these are damn strong picks. But this morning I heard the inevitable question asked when Bill Richardson was announced as Commerce Secretary if Latinos should feel slighted. Seriously. Seriously? Employment numbers came out today that stunned everyone (250K lost their jobs in November), the Bushies announced yesterday that we've been in a recession since December '07, new car sales are worse than anytime since Reagan's first term, blah blah blah. Is this really a time to talk tokens? Reporters still need to report. Yet certain questions don't need to be asked at this point in the game. Beeyatches.

While we were in Santa Barbara, we didn't do our regular movie-crazed catch-up deluge. But we did still see a few things worth rating. The new Bond ("Quantum of Solace") is garbage. My rating - a solid D. Daniel Craig is gold, but this movie is a turd. More interestingly, "The Bank Job" was a surprisingly good rental. My rating - solid B. We also rented "You Don't Mess With the Zohan" (C-minus) and "Iron Man" (a re-watched A-minus). Still, I feel like I've failed you by not having more reviews to offer. I'll catch up. I promise.

Hope your own donuts have extra sprinkles today. Rock on.