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Before I move on, a few last reviews are pleasantly stuck in my craw that simply must billow forth. Three reviews total. Jonathan Franzen's new novel, the film "The Social Network" and the generally undisturbed state of the State of Wisconsin. On some level I will do a great disservice to everything I've written here over the last nearly 6 years unless I offer something on how I experienced them all.
Franzen's novel "Freedom" has received more advance blather and inspired more critical backflips than any book in years. I can only imagine what sort of team of publicists his publisher employed on this roll out. No expense has been spared, no media placement seems too far afield, no advertising crossover will be neglected. Hello, Orpah. On steroids. Yet none of that means a damn thing when it comes to the book itself. I'd be wasting everyone's time if I tried to sum it up better than the masterful Michiko Kakutani did back a few months in the NYTimes. But I will offer my own rating - a larded and fried yet not especially fulfilling C. Skill counts for a lot. There should be no surprise in my concession that Franzen has skill up to and coming through every available orifice. Yet in the end, there's only one way to judge a book outside of all the out-sized praise and obligatory book club choice-worthy guilt applied in heaps. In effect, any reader must ask whether the book was a pleasure to read - no matter what form that pleasure might take. In that, "Freedom" is most certainly a disappointment. And given all the bunk piled on top of Franzen's efforts which I surely hope he did not ask for, I don't expect his work will do any good for the field from which novels spring. If anything, such poorly-paced, over-stuffed compendiums of properly topical references bore the snot out of readers and probably make it tougher for unnoticed writers to get traction in even a small way. Just imagine how many editors and assistants had a hand in this puppy. Not that I begrudge Franzen his stranglehold on the zeitgeist. I just hope people take the time for pleasures that don't require a front-page spread in "TIME" to break through. If you have limited time for reading, don't bother with this one. Oprah makes mistakes, too. Oh...am I still typing out loud?
"The Social Network" is equally everywhere, although in a totally different realm of exposure. The subject (Facebook, of course) and the world's obsession with it makes this film the least surprising hit since the invention of fried dough. I will concede that it is truly entertaining and paced with the sort of bracing mastery that movies just don't bring all that often. My rating is a snarky B-plus. The only cut against the grain of praise from me comes in the form of that moment when I realized how much of a trifle this whole Facebook obsession represents. Namely (spoiler alert, without details) when Justin Timberlake's character gets in trouble. If you haven't seen it, you won't be surprised in the least. But the point of my snark is that when the bloom comes off his rose, the whole doggone movie looks about as epic as a six-month dental cleaning. There's no denying that Facebook is a killer, ubiquitous app - worth bazillions and growing everyday. And somewhere out there right now, there's another complex prick working on a better next-biggish thing in his dorm room that will also become a verb in just a handful of years. That thing will be worth two-plus bazillions. The people behind it will do stupid crap. We'll be told that the mere existence of "it" says something about all of us. And on and on and on. I'll just bring it around and say that as far as popular entertainment goes, "The Social Network" is the full hoot. Harvard hasn't looked this sexy since the invention of beer. Still, the movie's the artistic equivalent of a full run through the tasting menu at a smoking hot new tapas bar along with a few pitchers of awesomely strong sangria. The next day, you can't stop talking about it while knocking back coffee after coffee with an unhealthy mix of Advils and vitamins. Then something comes up. Life goes on. And you forget what the big buzz was or even if you really remember what happened. Still, go see it. It's delicious.
I've been in a bit of a culture vacuum over the past week. Or maybe lazily pushing one around. I won't say that what I've been reading and listening to sucks. But another stretched vacuum analogy might apply (not much worth picking up has appeared before me). So instead of reaching too far, I'd like to digress and give an update on other things. Especially since this will be one of my last posts here. For real and forever.
If you've paid attention to what I've written here over the years (dating back to the beginning of 2005), you know a few themes dominate. The personal side has always featured Maya, from before birth to the now fully dynamic life of a proud kindergartener. The opinionated address of all things political has always been fair game. And cultural notes of particular interest to me get reviewed. Like countless blogs, I don't get paid except for a pittance of advertising. Some very limited (but appreciated) notice has come my way. But blogging is a largely one-handed juggling act. After a while, you sort of run out of tricks and have trouble keeping it fresh for those kind enough to stop by and watch.
I've had other concurrent blogging projects - most recently my running blog that has tracked my day-by-day kvetching about training for the Twin Cities Marathon. The energy that goes into each and every of these outlets doesn't spring eternal. So the waxing and waning is probably what has driven my traffic up and down over the years. With that as an awkward pivot, I've decided to shut it all down. Leave the archives up for posterity. And move on to the projects that really deserve my attention. I've got two novels to edit and sell. Ideas for two more, plus a grand non-fiction history that I've been researching for most of my life. Plans, I tell you. Glorious plans.
Before then, I have a slew of things to see and write about here. Tomorrow morning, I leave for a solo week-plus trip through Wisconsin and the Twin Cities. A trip down memory lane, plus a wide range of new trips along that path. I plan to take lots of pictures, ask lots of questions (or others and myself), and soak up as much of the autumn landscape as possible. I've always adored the fall in Wisconsin. So please check back for some fresh stuff. I think it will be worth your time. And thanks for doing so. Rock on.
On the 4th Anniversary of this Blog, I'll give y'all a hearty taste of the YearEnder that I send to friends and family. Merry Merry 2009 to all.
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2008 – The Year in Politics
This YearEnder establishes a new feature. My “YearEnder PoliTicker” – a gauge of various folk that floated through the political mainstream in ’08, viewed through a thoroughly unscientific stock-picking mechanism. Invest wisely based upon these recommendations. And please bear in mind that almost all stock-picking shtick is shallow, confusing and utter nonsense. Kinda like anything you might hear on CNBC or its mutant twins on any given day.
- Barack Obama (HOLD) – he was the Man of the Year and the biggest political story of our generation. But with what he’s facing, I’d sit on the Hope you’ve already got at least through 2009.
- Joe Biden (BUY) – the anti-Cheney will soon become a surprisingly necessary asset to keep the Cabinet in check. And now that he won’t be taking the train back to Delaware every weeknight, expect the Bidens to be all up in the grill of the DC social scene.
- Hillary Clinton (HOLD) – the perks that come with being Secretary of State are huge. Hillary's stock peaked well over a year ago. But she's one to HOLD for the long run that she surely thinks still ain't over yet.
- John McCain (SELL) – he’s been a gracious loser, but this campaign kicked the crap out of his infamous stamina. Going back to the Senate as a gelding Republican sounds about as much fun as heading to San Francisco as a young Mormon missionary to knock on doors in the Castro.
- George W. Bush (BUY) – most believe that he couldn’t possibly head anywhere but further down down down. But near the end of the 2009, I expect there will be a retro movement to bring him out of mothballs. What’s a satirical society without a disgraced figure to chuck a few shoes at? Call this a risky BUY, but one worth adding to your portfolio. Besides, it's an extremely cheap BUY.
- Sarah Palin (SELL) – she’s now a different type of GILF (Grandmother, rather than Governor). Look for a concerted effort within her own Party to trash Grannie Palin. After all, everyone secretly hates a Beauty Queen. Even in Wasilla. Dump her stock while you still can.
- Nancy Pelosi (HOLD) – I love Nancy. But she’s been frustratingly ineffective. She needs to go public with the vitriolic bitchiness I know she’s been hiding. Don’t be surprised if it happens. But don’t hold your breath.
- Harry Reid (BUY) – I don’t love Harry. He’s been totally ineffective. But he used to be a boxer. If Senator Al Franken manages to get under his skin, Harry just might come out swinging this Year. Take the risk and get a bit o’ Harry.
- Mike Huckabee (BUY) – amazingly, SkinnyHuck is making the BigBucks. He’s charming, funny and a complete disaster on the issues. In other words, he’s golden on FOX News. BUY by the bushel.
- Mitt Romney (SELL) – the only politician actively campaigning for 2012. He will become a fixture on cable news to deliver the Republican’s single talking point on the economy (“it’s Obama’s fault”). Dump all your Romney. A share of him is more toxic than a bushel of Lieberman.
- Elliot Spitzer (BUY) – being an alleged do-gooder publicly disgraced by a stunning prostitute isn’t the most inglorious way to end a political career. After all, Spitz is already writing a column for “Slate” about ethics. Expect that rebranding to expand. It won’t be long before he’s all over the place, being considered a big brain with tragic insight. Especially after Ashley Dupre` breaks down and does her overdue million-dollar nude spread for a greasy porn mag in the next handful of months.
- Rod Blagojevich (SELL) – if ever there was a guy prepped to tell a reporter to “BLEEP off” during a live press conference, it’s Blago. He’s managed to go from tragedy to comedy right back to tragedy again. If life was a Scorsese film, he’d already have been popped. Essentially a penny stock. Still, dump all your Blago and remove guilt by association from your portfolio.
2008 in a Snapshot
- The worldwide economic meltdown. Massive housing depreciation. The collapsing American auto industry. A shady $700B Wall Street bailout. Unemployment spikes during the biggest hiring season of the Year. Gas and oil prices boomerang all over the place. Anarchy in the credit markets. Where will it end? No, seriously – I’m asking. Where does it end? Ba dump bum.
- The Detroit Lions managed to further depress Detroit unlike anything since the last Bob Seger reunion tour.
- Alaska and Hawaii were finally noticed the year before their 50th anniversaries of Statehood by the traveling campaign press corps. Which assignment do you think was more sought after? (Hint: pack a bikini, not a parka).
- Among those that passed away this Year were three of my personal favorite people – Paul Newman, George Carlin and Tim Russert. They will be missed.
- William Ayers and Joe the Plumber entered the political lexicon. One by slander, one by inexplicable ego.
- David Letterman showed just how funny he can still be when he piled on McCain’s imploding campaign.
- Robert Downey Jr. had more fun than anyone on the planet.
- Larry Craig's "wide stance" ruined a perfectly good bathroom in the Twin Cities airport.
Comeback of the Year
Pirates. No, not the Pittsburgh ones.
Quote of the Year
“That one.”
Trend of the Year
Vampires – Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight”, HBO’s “True Blood”, Vampire Weekend (my runner-up for Album of the Year), Tom Cruise’s rise from the dead only to return again to his crypt after the failure of “Valkarie”. The undead were everywhere. And I’m bloody sick of it.
A Few Picks for the Best o’ ‘08
- Movies - There are loads of new films I’ve not yet seen. But “Slumdog Millionaire” was the best movie I saw all year. I consider it the single most hopeful, romantic, allegorical story to counter the terrible tragedy that Mumbai suffered recently in real life.
- Music - Bon Iver (the pseudonym for the musician Justin Vernon and his collaborators) recorded the stunningly beautiful album “for Emma, forever ago” at a cabin in northern Wisconsin. The location arms me with an obvious bias. But if you can listen to this album and not consider the brilliance required to make magic in such sparse recording conditions you’ve not been to the same cabins that I grew up enjoying.
- Books - Richard Price’s novel “Lush Life” features hard-edged, distinctly real-feel dialogue that masterfully transports the reader to places they'd never knowingly choose on their own. Richard Price's work is good enough to whet the appetites of those still crestfallen now that “The Wire” is no longer on HBO.
- TV - “The Daily Show” continues to be the most essential show on any level. Sure, it’s a safe-sounding pick. But if anything else was on top of our TiVo recording list for 8-years running, it would have instead earned this accolade. And I believe Jon Stewart should have become the new moderator on "Meet the Press".
- Radio - Likewise, “This American Life” is essential radio listening. Especially in the case of two of their shows this Year dedicated to analysis of the economic meltdown. “The Giant Pool of Money” and "Another Frightening Show About the Economy". Both are infinitely better than any other economic reporting I saw during this difficult Year. Download the podcasts. Please.
- Sports - Michael Phelps swam like a dolphin. Maybe he's not a bad guy. But he’s becoming a Paris Hilton-like celebrity. Did anyone really think he was ready to host "Saturday Night Live"? Cancel that – the NY Giants winning the Super Bowl last January was the best sports moment of the Year.
- Killer App - Facebook became the single most effective way of locating largely-forgotten personal ghosts since the invention of the Private Eye. Sign up if you haven’t already done so. And crack out your old address books. You’ll be amazed who you’ll bump into. Maybe a bit scared, too.
2009 Largely Baseless Predictions
- Condi Rice comes out of the closet. Translation: she actually voted for Obama.
- Al Gore drops the whole global warming shtick for a more innovative new cause – hydroponics.
- Miley Cyrus starts dating Lindsey Lohan. The editorial offices of four tabloids soon thereafter spontaneously combust.
- New Orleans finally gets what it needs to begin a real recovery after Governor Bobby Jindal realizes he actually has a shot at the GOP nomination in 2012.
- Karl Rove shoots himself in the face on a hunting trip. The media rushes to indict Dick Cheney who was nowhere near Rove at the time, as evidenced by sworn statements that he was a 1000 miles away at the time shooting another man in the face. (Note: "Dick Cheney shoots someone in the face" predictions never get old)
- Ford buys GM and eliminates a bundle of divisions. Chrysler folds. But andthefamilybuick.blogspot.com survives and thrives. Check it out.
- The U.S. is truly, sadly the last foreign military presence in Iraq after Britian pulls out their last soldiers in the early summer. Widespread unwillingness to return for yet another tour of duty hobbles our military. We’re reluctantly down to 50,000 soldiers deployed there by 2010. Iraq becomes Bosnia. Translation: no one cares anymore as the World turns a deaf ear on yet another unresolved tragedy.
- Gitmo is closed and all prisoners are transferred to a prison in one of the reddest of red states. Oklahoma? Idaho? Wyoming? Utah? Yea, payback’s a bitch.
- Two new Supreme Court slots surface when John Paul Stevens and David Souter announce their retirements. Bill Clinton is spotted in Georgetown getting preemptively measured for a robe.
- The Gaza Strip is renamed the Gaza Smoldering Median.
- The Bush Legacy Project concentrates its energy on Phase One – a formal effort to change the pronunciation of "nuclear".
- The next Governor seized by scandal? Vermont’s Jim Douglas. It turns out that he’s been mislabeling his sugaring operation’s Grade B maple syrup as Organic Grade A maple syrup. His political career is OVER.
- The increasing wave of retail bankruptcies finally finds a way to make me smile – the nationwide decimation of high-end dog treat boutiques.
So where do we go from here? Forward (the official motto of the State of Wisconsin). I still find great reasons to have confidence in our Nation and I look to 2009 with focused, open eyes. May yours be a blessed Year ahead. Thanks for reading. Rock on.
Walking along the gravel road that runs through my family's homestead property is always a delight in the winter. But this year it was especially expressive. On this particular Christmas Day, the air was crisp and for the first time in days it wasn't snowing.
Oh, the sadness. Brett Favre is retiring. It has been suggested that the Green Bay Packers didn't work hard enough at encouraging him to return for another year. If true, Ted Thompson (the Packers' GM) will soon replace Osama bin Laden as the favorite burning effigy at every frat party in Wisconsin. I mean - COME ON! Not doing everything possible to get Favre back for another season is like McDonalds deciding that Ronald McDonald should be replaced as chief spokesman by Grimace. Or College Republicans replacing their worship of Ronald Reagan with a newfound zeal for Bob Dole's zombie-like visage. I'm just glad to have been able to cheer for Favre over the past 16 years. When he replaced the horrifically self-absorbed Don Majkowski and went on to start the next 275 games, old and new Packer fans everywhere got that special glint in their eye. Brett was a revelation. He scared the pants off everyone, including his biggest fans. He threw like the meanest kid ever, joked with the baddest asses on the other side of the line, and made it up as he went along. But that was all an act - he was as smart as anyone who ever played the game. Sports icons can be overly lauded, to be sure. But Favre earned it - every season, in every way. So I hope we all raise an Old Style in his honor this evening. I can honestly say that I will truly miss seeing him play and thank him for every touchdown, every victory, and, yes, every interception and those few crushing losses. On balance, he gave Wisconsin more joy than anything ever invented. Besides Vince Lombardi. Or beer.
Hope your own teams have a decent back-up waiting in the wings that didn't just crap his pants this morning. Rock on.
Last night's Primary results in Wisconsin confirmed an astonishing trend. The Hillary Inevitability Mo-sheen is now officially scrapped for a downsized model. And while everyone's parsing the exit polling (somewhat dubious) and the speeches (total theatre), I've actually got something that matters. To a microscopic degree. Nonetheless, the teeny township that I grew up in (Town of Spirit outside Ogema in Price County) is filled with conservative farmers and church-goin' folks that I remember as well as my current ATM password. So last night after polls closed, my Dad passed along the polling results received via my childhood church's treasurer (also the election official for the Town Hall). Please bear in mind - in '04 there were 160 votes cast in the Presidential Election. For this Primary, 120 showed on both sides of the coin. Not a bad turnout. Although, I'm not sure how many neighbors have died in the last handful of years. Anyhoo, here's the tally:
Obama - 42
McCain - 35
Clinton - 20
Huckabee - 20
Romney - 2
Mis-vote - 1
One microcosm doesn't make an election. Unless it's my microcosm. Hillary got stomped by almost every demographic across the Badger State she until recently took for granted. Now everyone's focused forward on the horserace in Ohio and Texas, parsing the intricate nature of delegate allocation and...blah blah blah. Barack Obama just took a district in the strictly rural northern reaches of Wisconsin. A black Senator from Illinois. Where anyone from "down South" is still called a "FIB" (F**king Illinois B**tard). If you need more evidence of a movement beyond the "words" that the Clintons have come to so condescendingly deride, look no farther than the landslide yesterday in the folksy confines of Spirit's Town Hall.
Hope your own constituencies are filled with good ol' church-goin' commies today. Rock on.
Big Holidaze partying weekend for us here in Seattle. As I'm sure most experienced, aside from those candidates stinkin' it up in Iowa and elsewhere. It started for us with a Jesusmas program at Maya's daycare center on Friday night. Pretty standard fare - carols, Lutheran doctrine, condemnation of the National Endowment for the Arts, illegal campaigning from the pulpit - just what you'd expect to get the pyres burning to cast a glow on the Season. But seriously, Maya performed well, remembered all the words, and we bolted before the social hour for some BBQ chicken and all the fixin's across the street at her fave, Smokin' Pete's. For those demanding pics, I'll do my best to glean something clear and cute from the mix. Rest assured - she was fully decked out even though the halls were poorly lit.
Thereafter, we spent the weekend hitting the work party circuit like Paris Hilton with a brand new bikini-line tattoo ready to show. Three gatherings over Saturday and Sunday. Maya was on fire - so sugary-cute and charmingly in your face that I think she gave a half dozen people cavities. Except for whenever a family dog entered the frame. I think she ripped a vein out of the back of my neck leaping to safety on at least one occasion. She's definitely freaked by our so-called "best friends" even though we've had no real incidents to point to for the origination of the trauma. I blame it on some sort of genetic mutation from my childhood spent covered in animal hair and much much worse back yonder in 'Sconi. When she gets over it, you'll be the first to know.
More fun for Packers fans this weekend - Favre set another record for yardage and generally looked as good as he does in those surprisingly sexy Wranglers commercials. I'd be willing to bet that one of every three boys born in Wisconsin from now through mid-January is named Brett. One in four girls, as well. Extra points will be awarded to that breed of maniac that actually names a child Favre. For them, I suggest "Farven" - kinda like "Marvin" - which might even be justifiable for the foreshortened version. But make sure you add one of those trendy offbeat color names for the middle moniker (Sienna, Hunter, Burnt Orange). If you need other parenting suggestions, you know where to reach me.
Hope your own teams have a bye week lined up for the New Year. Rock on.
We've been back in Seattle since Sunday after a weeklong visit to Wisconsin and Minneapolis. Unless you know us well, you probably had little idea of this brief change of locale aside from a few pics that I'd posted. My family's home is Wisconsin's gorgeous Northwoods has a dial-up Intenet connection so I just kind of dropped off the radar for a bit when it came to posting. And our time in Minneapolis was more of a chance to visit old haunts and hang with cherished friends than a time for commentary. So as a means of catching up, I'll give a brief rundown before I get back to my usual brand of snark.
My hometown is within a few miles of the highest point in the State of Wisconsin (Timms Hill, just outside Ogema). Fall always comes early to that part of the State. This year's colors maybe weren't the best ever. But they were so utterly gorgeous that all day long I found myself marvelling at new angles or what seemed to be rapidly changing hues on the rolling horizon lines or the gravel roads that we drove down repeatedly. We spent quality time with Grandma and Grandpa for Maya. We tried to get her excited about the animals to no avail. We saw the land complete its yearly march through the harvest. It was beautiful. Little changes in the land of my youth. I hope you can see that in your own life, no matter the fashion.
Minneapolis surprised me in so many ways. On a long urban hike just before going to the Gophers game Saturday I saw the phenomenal vista that is the new Guthrie Theatre alongside the utterly rejuvenated "Mill District" just West of the rapidly improving mess that is the 35W Bridge Collapse District. Maya got some playdates with the kids of college friends of mine. We used to be so punk rock. Now we're so pleasantly normal and connected to our new hometowns. I see Minneapolis and Seattle as cities cut from the same cloth - vibrant, stylish, somewhat misunderstood places that welcome families, college kids and immigrants alike. Sure, I'm biased as hell. But to all those that showed me a chunk of what I used to know so well in a slightly revised light, thank you.
Hope your own memory lanes are lined with the falling leaves of autumn today. Rock on.
Happy Holidaze to all on this fourth day of Festivus. We're back safe and sound in Seattle after a trip to my 'rents place in Ogema, Wisconsin. I've taken a few weeks off from posting, but you can bet your bottom Swedish pancake that I've got some good shtick upcoming. Sounds like most of the country missed out on a white Jesusmas. That's surely what we were expecting. Even though my Dad had been working for months on the idea of staging one-horse open sleigh rides on the fields behind their house for Maya and her two cousins that live in Wausau. When we got in to the impossibly cute airport in Eau Claire after yet another badluck Northwest Airlines layover (my official badluck airline), all we saw was ice. Then more rain. But then a hearty, perfectly-cured 5 inches of the best snowman snow you ever saw dropped the early morning hours of the 23rd and stuck like glue to everything in sight. A thousand people in the vacinity of where I grew up lost power when lines broke beneath the weight of what appeared to be Christmas chandaliers, made of ice and branches. Up therebouts, a thousand people cover some serious territory. Sadly, many were still unjuiced on Christmas. I can only assume the vistas were less stunning viewed over a camp stove or while struggling with a generator. From my point of view, however, it was the most idyllic Holiday I've ever seen. In all earnestness. Please check back later for pics.
Hope all your hangovers today are easily cleared with a broom or long board. Rock on.
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