Maya checks out one of the umpteen cameras her Dad has trashed in days past.

Maya checks out one of the umpteen cameras her Dad has trashed in days past.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

After our most recent unfortunate camera incident during a playdate with friends in Minneapolis, I've once again made a visit to Best Buy to get a replacement. Since I'm working my way through the entire field, this one's a Canon. My initial reaction is conditional love. Expect many more shots over the next few weeks as we test it. Hope your own drops are all lemon today. Rock on

Throwing immense piles of elephant poop

Last night's GOP debate was atrociously lame. While too many are focused on the internecine sparring, the tipping point moment was Mitt Romney saying that a President would need to "sit down with his lawyers" to determine if a pre-emptive attack on Iran was doable. Ahem. Ron Paul went apeshite and will surely see his already crazed internuts send cash by the bushels in response. Everyone else just looked horrible both before and after. Rudy Guiliani has the scariest worldview imaginable - he must be having marital problems. Again. Fred Thompson has as much of a chance of becoming President as David Spade. Duncan Hunter and Tom Tancredo both have to be gay given the Larry Craigness of their vitriolic nonsense. Sam Brownback and Mike Huckabee have the dumbest names in the history of the Republic. If any of these maniacs are our next President, we're all moving to Canada.

Hope your own debates are about chicken vs. fish today. Rock on.

Bowling for Crandon

It's so typical that it barely makes the front-pages of America anymore - a killing spree in a small town due to some sort of hothead snapping like a treebranch in a light wind. But the massacre of 6 people and the killing of the cop who murdered them over a stupid argument surely caught my attention. Because it occurred in a small town in Northern Wisconsin much like the one I grew up in. Crandon, Wisconsin. Just outside Rhinelander on Highway 8. Full of people that live to hunt and fish and snowmobile and cheer for the Packers. In the early morning hours after the Homecoming game and dance, a jilted boyfriend got insulted by an ex-girlfriend and the friends she had over for pizza and movies. He went back to his car and grabbed this gun.



Then he killed everyone in the room except one who was critically wounded. The shooter was a 20-year-old off-duty cop. The town is devastated. And the Nation shrugs. There's a GOP debate in Michigan tonight. Do you think anyone's going to ask that field of gun nuts to comment? Me neither.

Hope your own weapons are locked not loaded today. Rock on.

Without realizing - shame on all of us.

Here's a hand grenade - the piece on the Bush Administration's torture policy in today's NYTimes cuts to the existential core question of our Nation's survival. Read it. Dubya has loved to defend his actions over the last few years by saying some retard version of "history will decide." Well, this smells an awful lot like history. Even if you don't give a rat's arse about civil liberties or if the nuances wash over you like so much simulated drowning, it is chilling. I'll sum it up for those that can't be bothered by the itemized dissembling of our core values about human liberty. The Bushies believe that torture can be defined to allow for the shite-beating of people we capture in foreign lands. Head slapping, naked exposure to freezing temperatures and simulated drowning are not torture. At least if it occurs off American soil. This piece is chock full of the most astonishing crap since the last season of anything Paris Hilton was associated with. But the stunning asides - John Yoo being known as "Dr. Yes" within the Justice Department, James Comey calling out David Addington as the nefarious bastard that he surely is, Janet Ashcroft sticking out her tongue at Fredo Gonzales and Andrew "Lowest Possible" Card as they left her husband's hospital bedside? Frickin' priceless. This one's gots legs. Bet your last diminished, disgraced dollar on that.

Hope your own national disgraces deal with womens' World Cup soccer today. Rock on.

Looking back...

We've been back in Seattle since Sunday after a weeklong visit to Wisconsin and Minneapolis. Unless you know us well, you probably had little idea of this brief change of locale aside from a few pics that I'd posted. My family's home is Wisconsin's gorgeous Northwoods has a dial-up Intenet connection so I just kind of dropped off the radar for a bit when it came to posting. And our time in Minneapolis was more of a chance to visit old haunts and hang with cherished friends than a time for commentary. So as a means of catching up, I'll give a brief rundown before I get back to my usual brand of snark.

My hometown is within a few miles of the highest point in the State of Wisconsin (Timms Hill, just outside Ogema). Fall always comes early to that part of the State. This year's colors maybe weren't the best ever. But they were so utterly gorgeous that all day long I found myself marvelling at new angles or what seemed to be rapidly changing hues on the rolling horizon lines or the gravel roads that we drove down repeatedly. We spent quality time with Grandma and Grandpa for Maya. We tried to get her excited about the animals to no avail. We saw the land complete its yearly march through the harvest. It was beautiful. Little changes in the land of my youth. I hope you can see that in your own life, no matter the fashion.

Minneapolis surprised me in so many ways. On a long urban hike just before going to the Gophers game Saturday I saw the phenomenal vista that is the new Guthrie Theatre alongside the utterly rejuvenated "Mill District" just West of the rapidly improving mess that is the 35W Bridge Collapse District. Maya got some playdates with the kids of college friends of mine. We used to be so punk rock. Now we're so pleasantly normal and connected to our new hometowns. I see Minneapolis and Seattle as cities cut from the same cloth - vibrant, stylish, somewhat misunderstood places that welcome families, college kids and immigrants alike. Sure, I'm biased as hell. But to all those that showed me a chunk of what I used to know so well in a slightly revised light, thank you.

Hope your own memory lanes are lined with the falling leaves of autumn today. Rock on.

Can you imagine a creepier bathroom to go cruising in?

Can you imagine a creepier bathroom to go cruising in?
Originally uploaded by emaggie

This is the vista outside the now-famous bathroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport where Larry Craig was busted for "allegedly" cruising. I even found the stall itself. All I can say is please, please move the Snoopy statue, America.

Nothing accents an outfit quite like stylish glasses, a funky necklace, and an array of mink sheds in the background, doncha think?

Nothing accents an outfit quite like stylish glasses, a funky necklace, and an array of mink sheds in the background, doncha think?
Originally uploaded by emaggie

This shot of my Dad walking out to the hayfields behind my parents' house sums up more of my childhood in Wisconsin than any shot I've ever taken.

This shot of my Dad walking out to the hayfields behind my parents' house sums up more of my childhood in Wisconsin than any shot I've ever taken.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Maya takes stock of the birdfeeder goodies with Grandma.

Maya takes stock of the birdfeeder goodies with Grandma.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Ah, that first cut on that first Jack o' Lantern of the Season.

Ah, that first cut on that first Jack o' Lantern of the Season.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Blowing kisses goodbye with Grandpa after a lovely Autumn visit to Wisconsin.

Blowing kisses goodbye with Grandpa after a lovely Autumn visit to Wisconsin.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

"Plus, that Mother Theresa chick left the building one of my people just told me."

I'm embarrassed to admit that I didn't watch Dubya's entire presser yesterday. But as the viral flux of our age has shown me today, I should have. Let's face it - Dubya makes the not-so-occassional gaffe. Still, saying that Nelson Mandela was dead and that Saddam Hussein bizarrely had something to do with it is a new level of head-scratcher. 16 months, People. 16 more months of this guy running our Country. Short your stocks now. Or stock your shorts - however you whether these periods.



Hope your own weekend trips take you where the fall colors cancel out any notice of Red States versus Blue States differences. Rock on.

"And for those keepin' score, it's not like an A in tax-cuttin' is something you can get every semester, heh heh."

Everyone knows Dubya was/is a lousy student. But why can't we as Americans ground him for lying about his report card as he did earlier today?

No wonder he'd say he got a B in Econ 101 when he actually got a C-minus in a two-semester cycle of introductory Econ courses. Remember, America - he was blotto until he was 40-years-old. His recall of grades during his Sophomore year at Yale is the equivalent of asking him what Barbara packed him for lunch his first day of cheerleading camp the summer prior to getting jazzy in prep school at Phillips Academy in Andover, Massachusetts.

Hope your own grade transcripts aren't Googled today. Rock on.

"Just a bit outside."

I've been repeatedly impressed with Jon Stewart over the last many years. But his interview with Alan Greenspan last night was definitely one of his best. While so many others are attacking Greenspan for his new book's self-serving defenses of the looming housing value meltdown and the Iraq War, Jon took the opportunity to ask him actual economics questions. I can almost guarantee that this is the only way that teenagers and college kids are getting exposure to macro-econ. Even those enrolled in those horrendous undergrad courses that we've all forgotten entirely. Kudos. The Emmy for "The Daily Show" was entirely deserved.

The Brew Crew won a big one last night on the road in Houston. That makes 4 in a row. With 12 games to play, they're in a virtual tie with the Cubs who have 10 games remaining. And this weekend we're heading back to Wisconsin for a visit prior to a conference for Sarah in Minneapolis. Special irony bonus - we're flying into the Minneapolis Airport. So after a stop by the Larry Craig bathroom stall (please check back for pics), expect that I'll be glued to Bob Uecker's play-by-play call during an honest-to-Gawd playoff chase. If you could see me right now, you'd know that I'm nippin' out.

Hope your own bathroom stops are equally worth a creepy snapshot today. Rock on.

The Chicago Cubs will die angry and miss everything cool

Today's Top Three driveby stories of the most obvious and overdue derision.

1. O.J. Mudderfu**ng Simpson. Stealing back memorabilia including the suit he wore at his acquittal in '95. I strongly suggest the judge in Las Vegas require that he wear his bounty at his upcoming sentencing.
2. Britney Spears. I, for one, thought she was totally hot as she meandered around the stage in Las Vegas. Oh wait - what are the odds that both O.J. and Britney would dissemble entirely at the same hotel (Palms Oasis) the same week. What happens in Vegas should please, PLEASE stay in Vegas. Even though we know in either of these cases it won't.
3. The Packers are hot (2-0) and the Brewers are in a race for the playoffs after months of wavering frontrunnership. So all these years of wishing on those falling chunks of Skylab have finally paid off. Thank you, Gawd.

Hope your own moments of self-congratulation don't come back to bite you in the panties today. Rock on.

Depart Off Failure

So there you have it America. Dubya calls the pre-ordained troop rotations a "Return On Success." As Thomas Ricks pointed out last night for the Washington Post - it sounds like a Merrill Lynch ad. A bad one, I'll add. If Dubya was worth more parsing, I'd get my panties all in a bunch and do so. But I've got a different point to make.

Iraq is doomed. Other nations in modern history have dissembled into decades of civil war given a horrifying minority acting off of a majority opinion of dissatisfaction. But this one's a totally new level of screw-up. And as the instigating Nation, everyone back here in the US of A is tarnished. The anemic anti-war movement inspires less people than those hepped on the new Fall TV schedule. The fraudulent pro-war movement are the same genetic strain of hooligans that enjoyed the gladitory events at the Colliseum before the fall of Rome. And people like me that have been against this sort of folly since 9/11 are just as screwed as the lot of us. No wonder Britney Spears drunkenly hogging the spotlight @ the MTV VMAs is so much, much more fun. Here's my point - we need to get mad. Intelligently mad. The Surge is a failure. The Extension of the Surge meant to "Return On Success" is a fraud. People need to rise up, march in the Streets and clog up the business of Government. Our Nation can't take this extension without suffering the ultimate loss. That of the Nation itself. I got in trouble with a group of beloved friends a year ago saying that we are a more divided Nation than at any time in our history, even though we don't realize it yet. I won't claim prescience. But that's what it increasingly feels like. We can't settle this Iraqi civil war even though we caused it. We must stop. One more dead American is far, far too many. And that's all I've got to say about that.

Hope your own riffs lead to something more today. Rock on.

Next question: "Why do you call our people 'troopers' not 'troops'? Just wondering..."

House Minority Leader John "Not Boner" Boehner (R-OH) will never be accused of being well-timed in making outrageous statements. But his latest assessment of our losses in Iraq as "a small price" is as far as I've seen a foot go into a mouth in quite some time. If he gets away with saying this and not needing to apologize, we're all asleep at the switch.



Dubya speaks down to the Nation tonight. We all know what's coming. My only question is whether there will be any reference to the leading provincial Sunni Sheik blown to smithereens today, just 10 days after meeting with Dubya on the American base in Anbar Province. I expect he'll need to make this latest casualty into the latest psuedo-inspiring figure. How sad. I just hope some of the media availability of General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker that has been so pronounced these last few days will continue today so that somebody gets to ask the question - "How can you hold up Anbar as such a success when one of new allies was just assassinated?" Please, somebody ask that question.

Hope your own calm is anything but relative today. Rock on.

And you thought "Encino Man" was bad...

Ah, twue wuhv.

Senator David Vitter (R-LA) is the latest "family values" adulterer to see his goose again nearing the edge of the stove. Hustler's Larry Flynt outed the hooker that Vitter would "visit" 2 or 3 times a week yesterday. Weirdly-timed, but still a stinkstorm should arise. It would have infinitely less impact if Larry Craig hadn't announced his "intent" to resign. As has been stated by many others in various forms, the big difference being that Louisiana has a Democratic Guhvanator (unlike Idaho) and most of us know that the replacement is appointed by the Guv. I can't say that I'll be buying my first Hustler to gain intimate insight into not only this tawdy affair. But my political tabloid gene will definitely be keeping a leering eye on Vitter as this story sputters or roars.

Petraeus and Crocker had thankless jobs before the Senators yesterday. But how did they actually do? Miserably. They took fire from all angles. Now Dubya's gotta come into the fray at long last Thursday night in a televised address meant to redirect fire at him. Ugh. Lee. Obama's finally showing some foresight in scheduling an Iraq withdrawl address this afternoon in Iowa. He'll get a huge bump in whichever direction. He'll dominate the argument today among the Dems especially since the only news Hillary's making today is ugly fundraising broadsides being thrown from all angles. But everyone else is going to trash this "surge" extension worse than the entire career of Paulie Shore. The dynamic will change. The Bushies won't be on offense any longer. And like so many other instances, they didn't see this one coming even though they should have.

Hope your own hookers know enough to stay on drugs and avoid ratting you out today. Rock on.

Welcome, yet again, to The Suck

Six years. Six long, horribly depressing years of Dubya's misadventures since the attacks of 9/11. How are we as a Nation celebrating it? By largely ignoring the compelling hearing of General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. How surreal. Osama Bin Laden is being reduced to a footnote by the dwindling neoconpoops while Petraeus tries to make 32 dead American soldiers since the start of September sound like progress. I see where this whole "report" charade is headed, as do most Americans. We ain't going nowhere. Our troops aren't coming home. The daily reports of death and maiming will be forced further and further out of the spotlight. The largely forgettable movie "Jarhead" introduced to the lexicon the unwieldy cliche` "Welcome to The Suck." Well, each passing day of this quagmire makes me rethink the wisdom of that soldier's prescient phrasing. We, my fellow citizens, appear to be stuck in this version of The Suck for some time to come. Now that REALLY sucks.

To all those that have lost in this era of American shame, I send my heartfelt regrets. For those that think victory is at hand, I pull back the civility and say that I fear you. Not because I'm afraid of you. Just that I don't understand how much loss and shame you will need to satisfy the bloodlust that seems to have arisen from you ever since that terrible day a mere six years ago. Hope for the future. Rock on.

Maya did her best from a distance while Poppy horked up an extinguishing loogie

Maya did her best from a distance while Poppy horked up an extinguishing loogie.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

While Nanna and Poppy are in town to help organize our new digs, we were able to get out for an evening to celebrate Poppy's birthday at Vios on Capitol Hill (a fave restaurant of ours). Notice the waning reminders of Maya's head plant in the form of her nose scabs. All are well. Hope y'all can say the same. Rock on.