It ain't no Jane Austen.

I saw "Live Free or Die Hard" yesterday afternoon. Summer movies don't get much more cliched than seeing Bruce Willis get the crap kicked out of him for a few hours. My rating - a strangely satisfying B-minus. Bruce is entirely Bruce. Justin Long (the guy who plays the Mac in those ubiquitous Mac vs. PC commercials) is great as the hacker sidekick. Everyone else is better than adequate. The set-up of a "fire sale" attack on the U.S. and subsequent machinations was written by a clown car full of studio writers. Oddly enough, it works. Unlike the utterly bland "Ocean's Thirteen", this bit of summer sequel fluff is engaging and just smart enough. If the weather turns insanely hot and you need an escape, this flick accompanied by air-conditioning and an open mind will do you right. I predict you'll be as entertained as I was.

Hope your own suspension of disbelief is easily attained. Rock on.

Maya deals with the swarm.

Maya deals with the swarm.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

In the Santa Barbara Natural History Musuem's butterfly realm, Maya blended in as best she could. Note the eternal protection of Milwaukee Brewerism.

Freakium Orangium Donteatmyfaceium

Freakium Orangium Donteatmyfaceium
Originally uploaded by emaggie

The visual manisfestation of a Princeton grad's butterfly love.

The visual manisfestation of a Princeton grad's butterfly love.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Goth bug. With a funky bluish sheen.

Goth bug. With a funky bluish sheen.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

George and Brad should get serious again. And refund my $9.

We've not had much time to catch summer movies, what with all the Paris Hilton news soaking up our attention (Free at last!). So we're excitedly playing catch up. Here are two quickie reviews for your consideration of the canon.

"Knocked Up" has gotten some of the best reviews of the summer. No surprise - it's consistently funny and undeniably sweet. Utterly unbelievable, though. And with the exception of the already famous "crowning" birth scene, the world's lustful boys never get so much as a nipple glance from the ravishing Katherine Heigl. Seth Rogan is the most surprising and deservingly ascendant star in the bizness since Woody Allen, Paul Rudd and the gang improvise with pitch-perfect style, and everyone seems very human. Still, my rating is a relatively solid B. Here's the first case where a nipple might have earned an undeserved higher grade since my creepy 8th grade shop class.

"Ocean's Thirteen" has also gotten decent reviews. Which stuns me. It is such a slog - at least an hour longer than need be. Everyone looks bored. There's no chemistry. My rating - a disappointed D. You're better off flipping through "People" magazine if you're looking for sexy stars looking bored. If you loved "Ocean's Eleven", you should hate this movie. Gawd forbid anyone cares enough to make the inevitably set up sequel.

Hope your own multiplex is filled with exciting options today. Rock on.

Maya's "Caddyshack" series from Santa Barbara - "Can I play through?"

Maya's "Caddyshack" series from Santa Barbara - "This is a putter!"
Originally uploaded by emaggie

We're enjoying a summer getaway with family. Maya, especially. Sunday night at the club where her 'rents got married way back in '01 was a special treat. Hope you enjoy the pics as much as Maya enjoyed the games. Rock on.

"Noonan!"

"Noonan!"
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Aunt Katie helps direct the action.

"Ahhh! One more set?"

"Ahhh! One more set?"
Originally uploaded by emaggie

This is what a hot dog belch looks like.

This is what a hot dog fart looks like.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Yea, but it's not like he was wearing Fonzie's jacket or wiping Cheetos crumbs into Archie Bunker's chair...

For those of us that admire the Smithsonian as an American treasure trove, Lawrence "Biggie Compensation" Small is a perfect storm of unrivaled hubris, a criminal insularity and undeniable assholery. To be fair. Think I'm pushing it? Well, let's just let the soon to be released report speak for itself. If you're not offended by what it lays out for abuse under his tenure, you shouldn't be spending time reading blogs because you're obviously rich enough to have people like me made into sashimi.

Brew Crew fans I'm sure are feeling pretty stoked this morning. After a woeful May and being on the receiving end of a no-hitter a week ago in Detroit, they been winning games and taking names like the Milwaukee Brewers the entire nation came to love way back in April. I'll keep y'all posted. But I strongly suggest paying attention while there's still room on the bus for all comers. You can sit by me - I promise.

Hope your own compensation package allows for unlimited paid vacation, $150K in annual housing stipends, cash to entertain in your own house, and unquestioned expenses approved only by you. Rock on.

Wanna bet?

Michael Bloomberg today filed the papers necessary to quit the Republican Party. In other words, he's running for President in '08. Consider him Ross Perot with much more money and much less crazy. I'm sure every single candidate in the race is freaking out. Even Mitt "Today I Believe This With All My Heart, I Think" Romney. Billionaire without constraints trumps millionaire raising money mainly from Mormons. Even in Utah.

Hope your own third party is picking up the kegs at the moment. Rock on.

After days of silence, this is all I come up with?

Did you forget to mark your calendars like me? The Surge is over. So we've won and now everyone can come home from Iraq. Right?

Hope your own troop movements aren't similarly broadcast today. Rock on.

Was it a turd or just a candy bar?

Since everyone else is doing so, I'd like to weigh in briefly on last night's "The Sopranos" finale. I watched it with my in-laws, neither of whom watched the series, which was a perfect looking glass to borrow as I tried to briefly identify and sum up the cavalcade of characters. Too many questions remain for those that were sucked into the vortex of critical acclaim surrounding this bloated mix of storylines. Admittedly, I'm one of those that showed up late for the party and didn't drink enough of the Kool-Aid to become truly cultish about it all. But the non-ending ending was for me...perfect. There was no way to complete this over-exposed highwire act that would please the whole crowd. So David Chase chose to please no one. Or mostly no one. For those in the know - once the character Phil Leotardo (played by the utterly excellent Frank Vincent) got whacked and his skull was astonishingly shmooshed by his slow-rolling SUV, I was satisfied. Metaphors abounded, high and lowbrow references were certainly everywhere, and I expect everyone has a reaction. That's more than any writer working this milieu could hope for. I, for one, beg all interested parties to not buy into the inevitable temptation to follow things up with a movie or return visits on HBO. Leave it alone. But, of course, take the canoli.

Hope your own jukebox has at least one "Journey" tune cued up today. Rock on.

"Slide this way, Mommy."

"Slide this way, Mommy."
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Before we head to Santa Barbara for a quick weekend, I thought we should dump a few cute shots on everyone. All quotes are directly transcribed from Maya's actual reactions. Sort of. Rock on.

"You had me at 'what's that smell?'."

"You had me at 'what's that smell?'."
Originally uploaded by emaggie

"Listen up, Nadal. You can have your clay, but I challenge you to beat me on grass. Dood."

"Listen up, Nadal. You can have your clay, but I challenge you to beat me on grass. Dood."
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Ah, meat.

There are meltdowns. There are catastrophic meltdowns. And then there's Paris. And, of course, then there's O.J. At least she didn't kill anybody. Hope you all face nothing worse than house arrest this weekend. Rock on.

Ripped from the next Farrelly Brothers script

Many hope every day for just a teensy bit of good newsiness. Today, I found it in the form of a seemingly true story from seemingly real Paw Paw, Michigan. Outside Kalamazoo. Seems this fellow in a wheelchair got wedged into the grill of a semi and taken for quite a ride. He's fine. Hilariously. The Detroit Freep writer (Amber Hunt) did the best job I've seen thus far with plenty of funny flourishes. But this story writes itself. Well worth a Friday step away from the collective null set that constitutes the news of the day.

Hope you stay unwedged all weekend. Rock on.

"Does Scooter Libby deserve to go to jail?" and/or "When did the Cold War actually end?"

The sentence just came in for Scooter. 30 months - the low end of the prosecutor's recommendation. Still, I. Lewis Libby is officially bummed. Yet another just dessert, some would say. But while this is going down, Dubya's peeing in everybody's soup just prior to the G8 by re-igniting Cold War-esque rhetoric in response to Pooty Poot's rope-a-dope routine. If I were running CNN's GOP Debate writing today, I'd make sure that both Scooter and Putin make an appearance this evening. Sadly, I expect neither to be mentioned.

If there's one anti-war vet I truly respect, it's Adam Kokesh. He may be an attention hog. Or maybe he's not ready for prime time. But the way he's been treated by this Administration's military and the way he's responded...well, this guy's a stud. I think we'll all be seeing a great deal more of him in the near to long-term future. I expect that will be a good thing.

Maya surprised us with a revelation this past weekend. We were just joshin' around - Sarah, Maya and me. And the question came up for Maya - "who's Jesus?" Please bear in mind, the dude's not been mentioned herein thus far. But Maya does spend her weekday mornings with the Lutherans. So how did Maya respond? "Jesus loves me." You could have decked me with a feather. Hearing her spout unjustifiable profanity at a formal dinner party was more of what I expected to be surprised by with this kid. I guess it goes to show that you just never know.

Hope all your own sentences are suspended today. Rock on.

"Corn on the cob? Not when I'm done with you."

"Corn on the cob? Not when I'm done with you."
Originally uploaded by emaggie

"ART!"

"ART!"
Originally uploaded by emaggie