Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Sometimes, standards are meant to be lowered


The Memorial Day weekend here in Seattle was as gray as BP's cafeteria banter.  Although a glorious Monday afternoon and evening was enough to tempt us with what's surely to come.  We needed to stick around town, so what better way to mix it up than to see some movies at SIFF, right?  Wrong.  I chose like a blind squirrel looking for tasty treats in a huge, barren parking lot.  Anything that might have been a nut turned out to be a rock or a moldy cigar butt or part of a human finger.  Well, actually it wasn't that bad.  But I did see some dreck. So I'll keep my movie reviews short.  Including the one surprise that rounded it out Monday afternoon.

The documentary "Gerrymandering" was a back-up choice. My rating is a completely bored D.  Nice filmmaker.  He seemed like he wanted to buy everyone a latte afterward.  The Guvernator of Cullyforneeya was drawn into the "story" as the hero.  I sat near some people trying to laugh politely at non-existent jokes.  Gerrymandering is actually meant to be pronounced "Gary-mandering".  And scene.

The Aussie slice of life comedy "My Year Without Sex" was advertised as a crowd pleaser.  About a brain aneurysm.  And abstinence.  And a lovable, horny minister.  I sat between a cute grandma who was seeing her first film of the festival ("I'm easy," she told me beforehand, with no irony whatsoever) and a young software programmer trying to chat up his too-hot-for-him date who didn't put away her iPhone.  My rating - a very mean D.  I'm the meanie, mind you - the movie itself is quite nice, albeit dull.  Still, barely a rental.

Following that and because Maya had an ongoing playdate that freed us up, Sarah and I were going to catch something as a late matinee.  "We" chose badly (my idea).  VERY badly.  "MacGruber" (not at SIFF, but street cred lightyears away at the metroplex close to U-Dub).  I took the whole irony of "so bad it will be good" too far.  It was awful.  We full up and walked out after almost an hour.  Which should have earned us combat pay.  My rating is a rare but deserved F.  Never see this movie.  But then "we" did something inspired (Sarah's idea).  We caught two bad movies for the price of one.  "Prince of Persia" had started just 10 minutes after "MacGruber".  By the time we sat down, who knows what amount of hooey had been already spun to set up the remaining action.  Jake Gyllenhaal's long, sweaty hair deserved its own trailer.  The princessy chick has these inexplicable freckles that totally work (her name is Gemma Arterton, which sounds like a mistake).  Aside from constant action scenes blurring past, it's all close-ups.  The movie would probably earn a rating of, at best, C-minus.  But since it was the best movie I saw all weekend, I'm inflating this one. I'll give it a...well, still a C-minus (I am a professional bound by a code or something, after all).  Yet to think that "Prince of Persia" reinstilled my hopefulness when it comes to movies is a rare twist of logic, indeed.  Thank you, Joel Silver.  And with that said, I must now go take a karma shower.

Hope your own hits vastly outweigh the intolerable misses today.  Rock on.

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