Remember that thing he did, and how much it drove you crazy? Yeah, but better.

I'm as guilty as the next football fan for having too many things to say about Brett Favre.  His career and latest season-ending mistake (whether it's even appropriate to call it that) have been dissected and re-bagged and dissected again like a small town upper-level biology class fetal pig.  Everyone's sick of it.  Even the smell of the debate ("will he or won't he retire?") makes people throw up just a little bit in their collective mouth.  But before I can let it go for this off-season, I need to break it down one last time.

For the super majority of Packers fans, Favre is an old girlfriend (or boyfriend, depending on your chosen gender).  Actually, he's "The Ex" from hell.  The one you took to Prom, the one you went all the way with for the first time, the one that (cover the kids' ears, folks) is a first-ballot Hall of Famer.  In the sack.  But after years and years of creative shtupping, Favre is the one that the Packers dumped because they met somebody new that was kind of hot in college (Aaron Rodgers).  Favre and the Packers goofed around with trial separations and reunion hook-ups.  But a few years ago, Favre was gone for good after the Packers broke it off.  If that was all there was to it, both parties would have gone on with their lives.  Except that after fooling around for a year, Favre did the unthinkable.  He hooked up with the next door neighbor.  And Packer fans can hear them doing it ALL THE TIME, making a big deal out of how great it is and how could anyone have ever let something like this go.  So when it looked like Favre and his new flame were on their way to the Big Show, Packers fans cursed their "Ex" with the sort of vitriol that could never be taken back.  In the end (at least for now), Favre didn't get the storybook wedding and honeymoon that was desired.  And Packers fans jumped up and down and partied extra loud in the parking lot outside where the ceremony was to take place, making it sound like they always knew it wouldn't work out and that anyone that messes around with Favre ends up broken-hearted in the end.  Favre's new flame wants him back.  Maybe this time it will be different, they're trying to tell him.  Maybe this time, the Vikes will get what they've always wanted and in the process Favre will get what he always dreamed about.  Meanwhile, Packers fans are still taunting and laughing.  Maybe while imagining how great it once was.  Maybe while closing their eyes and trying to make it work with the new flame.  It will never be the same, and all those old pictures and memories are not only faded.  They're now dirty and some Packers fans can't even flip through them any longer.  It just hurts that much.

Sound ridiculous?  Probably.  But the point for me is that all this overheated emotion and overly sexualized lust or revenge or whatever it is misses the real point by a million miles.  Money.  The NFL is a business.  And they are the ones that truly love him.  Brett Favre came back and for one year got $12M in salary.  In endorsements alone, I'd bet that he can pull down $50M in the year ahead - even if he retires for good this time.  If you think not, consider his substantial upside in a post-Tiger Woods world (grizzled veteran who just had his best year ever at age 40, married to his high school sweetheart, appealing for his toughness and, yes, he still takes chances like a big ol' kid).  But aside from what may be to come, just consider what has happened to both franchises from a money position.  The sales of Vikings merchandise went up 533% from 2008 to 2009.  Their merchandise was the Number 3 team as of December 2009, Brett Favre's Vikings jersey was #1 among all players.  The Packers?  Last year by some rankings they were in the top 10 (#8 as of before this Season).  As of December 2009, they don't even make the top 10.  They've got no players in the top 25.

Say what you will about Brett Favre.  But I can tell you one thing for certain.  I'm not going to be blogging about it anymore.  Because on some level, that's exactly what the NFL wants.  And I've got other things to do, what with life and all.  I suggest everyone else look elsewhere for their drama, in similar fashion.

Hope your own merchandise is flying off the shelves today, no matter what color.  Rock on.

And maybe throw in a "please, God, give someone - anyone besides Charlie Gibson - the chance to ask Sarah Palin a question before time runs out"

First up - sports. The Green Bay Packers won a big opener last nite against the Minnesota Vikings. There was plenty of sloppy play, but Aaron Rodgers certainly performed better than I expected. Which means that NFL fans across the Nation will continue to debate the soap opera that is Brett Favre's breakup with the Pack. Because, in case you were in a cave all weekend and didn't see the highlights, Favre had an equally great first game as a New York Jet. Tom Brady's out for the year, the Chargers got spanked harder than Jessica Simpson after a Cowboys rout, the Colts look as old as a Sarah Palin-free John McCain rally in a diner, and everyone else still has hope since it's only the first week of the Season. Ah, football. Smells like America without a Bush in the White House.

Secondly in the same vein - the Brewers are swooning. They still lead the National League Wild Card race by 3 games over the Phillies. Less than 20 games left in the Season for everyone. If you've got a few dollars left after contributing everything you can to Barack Obama, please buy a bratwurst and say a prayer for Milwaukee. Not one of those "pray away the gay" prayers from Sarah Palin's church. A prayer that may actually do something. If you believe in that cut of jib.

Hope your own home teams have plenty of good seats miraculously available. Rock on.

J-E-T-S! Gets! Our! Brett!

Sports fans - Brett Favre has been traded to the NY Jets. Holy frickin' moly. The previously beloved and respected Packers receive a 4th round draft pick, which can be upgraded based on his performance. Yawn. The Pack now have 3 quarterbacks on their training camp roster that have started a total of zero games in the NFL. Zero. Opinions on this run the gamut, as I heard up close and personal as I travelled through Minneapolis and into the wild of Northern Wisconsin this past weekend. By a large margin, 'Sconi folks are pro-Pack management. Everyone else simply cannot understand how these rubes actually got control of one of the most storied franchises in all of sports. I guess I've been off the ranch for long enough to qualify as an "everyone else" because I sincerely cannot believe how stupid this move makes the Packers look. Was Favre a drama queen? Duh - he's a quarterback, and quite possibly the greatest in history. This ain't high school, but you still gotta throw some love at the guy who gets it done and pays for the new turf thanks to his skills. Should the future of a team that missed last year's Super Bowl by a field goal in overtime now depend on a 4th year quarterback with 300 lifetime passing yards? Duh - unless the Packers win it all this year and Aaron Rodgers is the MVP, no one will let this story die. Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy will forever be known as the men that chased Favre out of Green Bay to suburban New Jersey. Say what you will about all of this. Everyone else has. But for the first time in my lifetime of NFL fandom, I'm going to actually root on some level for the NY Jets.

Hope your own allegiances are not jeapordized by arrogant, over-compensated morons today. Rock on.