2010 YearEnder

It's been a few months since I posted anything here.  In the past, I've always put up my YearEnder for public consumption.  It just seems appropriate to still do so.  All the family stuff has been taken out.  This is the meat in the sandwich.  I hope a few things ring true for you.  Or at least that the points I scatter somewhat all over the map hit the occasional mark.  Rock on, 2011-style. 

2010 As a Series of Snapshots

• BP unleashed an underwater oil volcano that erupted for months, yet has already been mostly forgotten.  Proving that with a few ads and some rudimentary misinformation, 50 million barrels of the crudest oil can be miraculously turned into fish food and corral fertilizer.
• Sandra Bullock managed to win an undeserved Oscar and a nation's misplaced sympathy almost simultaneously.  While Jesse James' inexcusable infidelity managed to at long last give Nazi-friendly, goth tattoo models/strippers a bad name.
• Sarah Palin’s achieved what for some was a stunningly irksome degree of financial success.  Which was only dwarfed by every single person working on Wall Street.
• Tiger Woods spent a whole lot of solo time working on his swing, while Elin Nordegren finally got around to reading Stieg Larsson's Millenium trilogy in the original Swedish.  In so doing, they each found their bliss.
• Afghanistan became the Larry King of redundant, soul-draining foreign entanglements.  And even Larry knew this year was the time to say that enough's enough.
• A plucky bunch of Chilean miners came up with a unique but ultimately unsuccessful way to avoid the Great Recession.
• The political fulcrum story of the year was the "big C" conservative shellacking of the "shrinking L" left.  And the most vocal part of that Teabagging, pendulum-swinging movement is only going to demand more attention in the next political cycle.  Be careful what you wish for, America.  Check back in a handful of months from now and we'll see how this latest hopey, changey thing is working out.
  
• Conan O'Brien was forced to trade in a barely drivable talk show vehicle with three former owners for the equivalent of a 1992 Ford Taurus SHO with 212,000 miles - a late-night gig on TNT. 
• Elena Kagan joined Sonia Sotomayor as the two Obama appointees on the U.S. Supreme Court.  They both bat left, throw down the middle, and impress the scouts entirely.  Although their lackluster contributions to this year's Supremes Secret Santa gift exchange left plenty of room for creativity and studiousness.
• Glenn Beck, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert held rallies in our Nation's most storied public park. Beck claimed to gather like a billion people on the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech to tell them something unintelligible about George Soros. Subsequently, Stewart and Colbert proved little more than it's still too early for a Father Guido Sarducci comeback. 
• Haiti, the poorest nation in the hemisphere, suffered an earthquake that severely damaged well over half of the nation's structures and left over 200,000 people dead out of a population of 9,000,000.  Followed by the usual aftershock of our collective brief attention span and a distinctly human inability to know what to do about such tragedies.   
• Spain won their first ever World Cup, held in South Africa (the first African host nation).  The biggest stars of the event turned out to be a (murdered!) octopus in Germany and a cheap plastic horn with an pornographic sounding name.  Oddly enough, precisely matching one of the predictions from my last YearEnder.
• Barack Obama got popped in the kisser while playing basketball, requiring an array of stitches.  The other elbows he took all year long left no such visible marks.  But they'll prove much harder to repair.
• Our troops began to leave the active theatre in Iraq, moving toward the expected full withdrawal date of 2011.  Aside from the tens of thousands of military trainers, supporting personnel and diplomatic staff required to operate our fancy new Embassy - the largest maintained by any nation in any other nation on the planet.  Not that anyone's counting anymore. 
• Blogging ended.  For me, anyway.  Been there, overdone that.
  
• George W. Bush's memoir fell a bit flat.  He even included that ol' "miscarried fetus kept in a jar to scare the kids as they struggled with adolescence" chestnut.  Please give a curious public something they haven't read in every other Presidential autobiography next time, won't you?

Comeback of the Year

Brett Favre's shamelessly returned in the worst shape of his career for his final NFL season.  Controversy ensued when poorly staged and not at all flattering self-portraits of his, um, Little Quarterback emerged.  Forever replacing jokes about his wavering retirement decisions with ones that pivot upon sexting pictures of his junk.  In other words, not all comebacks are good ones.

Lexicon Addition of the Year

LeBron James' NBA free agency decision was boiled down to his proclamation of “I’m taking my talents to South Beach”.  Unsurprisingly, whenever a derivation of that phrase is now used, LeBron gets a cut.  So think carefully before you tell your manager at Cinnabon that you're "taking my talents to the Verizon kiosk".

Trend of the Year

The troubling reality behind mining “rare earth” elements.  These gnarly bits are essential to manufacturing everything from cell phones to green energy technologies and have names that sound straight out of a James Cameron movie (dysprosium, terbium, neodymium, europium, yttrium). Add in that they're crazy toxic, much of the mining is done illegally by criminal gangs and the fact that China has the market locked up like a hooker in Charlie Sheen's hotel suite.

A Few Picks for the Best of 2010

This year with an added honorable mention in each category, hereafter tagged "the UnderDoggie".

• TV – I'm left standing behind “Mad Men” as still the best show on TV.  This season’s effort by Jon Hamm as Don Draper was the most twisted, beguiling yet.  The episode ("The Suitcase" - regarding a Samsonite campaign) where Don got drunk with a fearlessly ambitious Peggy (the amazing Elizabeth Moss) equaled the best hour of filmed entertainment offered this whole dang year.  And the UnderDoggie goes to “Louie" on FX, orbiting closely around the actual life of my favorite comedian, Louis C.K.  The series started very small.  Then grew a massive pair and went far out beyond the margins of what's been seen before in a sitcom format.  Find it.  You're welcome.
• Movies – “Black Swan” was the very best I've seen thus far. The director, Darren Aronofsky, is the scariest and most surprising thing to come out of Dallas since Jerry Jones’ last three facelifts.  That pesky voice in my head desperately wants Natalie Portman’s fabulous scarves collection. She's also destined in the very near term to become the biggest female movie star on the planet.  UnderDoggie – “Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World” - the most underappreciated movie of the Year by miles.
• Sports – The San Francisco Giants and/or the New Orleans Saints.  Hard to bitch about sports with stories like these around.  UnderDoggie - Canada's impressive job hosting the Winter Olympics when Vancouver appeared to be hovering somewhere in the mid-60s.  Fahrenheit.  I haven't the foggiest idea what that would be in celsius, eh?
• Music – Kanye West’s new album "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy" was far and away the best, most album-y, album of the year.  The arrangements, the beats, the featured performers, the flow.  This one’s for the brilliant douchebag.  UnderDoggie - the adorably dour, Dylanesque Swede stage-named The Tallest Man On Earth (Kristian Matsson) stayed in our CD changer more than anyone or anything else this year.  His full album, "The Wild Hunt" is the best of his stuff you'll find out there.
• Books – “Super Sad True Love Story” by Gary Shteyngart was the freshest thing I read all year.  A near future dystopian novel hardly stands alone these days.  But Shteyngart's unique timing and playful humor lightens and lifts the set-up perfectly.  His was also the best reading of the year I saw (at the Tractor Tavern in Seattle's increasingly posh yet still hilariously Scandinavian-dominated neighborhood, Ballard).  Rest assured, there were plenty of others that would have been brightened considerably by a drunken crowd and at least one accordian.  My UnderDoggie goes to Tom Rachman's "The Imperfectionists".  His darkly drawn characters working to stay afloat in a sinking, stinking newspaper stuck with me like no others encountered this year.
• Killer App – Wikileaks.  After only 4 years old, they're already on the brink of taking down governments. Let's see Google try that.  Or, please, let's not.  UnderDoggie - Groupon.  If your city doesn't offer them yet, those days are coming soon. 
• Radio/podcast – After years of not paying much attention to them, the rock 'n roll culture program "Sound Opinions" became a podcast that I absolutely never miss at least part of.  Jim and Greg's recent interview with James Murphy from LCD Soundsystem was the best chat about music I've heard all year, and they never fail to pick great stuff out of the bins I'd otherwise pass by.  The UnderDoggie goes to "The Moth" - the inconsistent storytelling podcast that is more hit than miss.  And sometimes a total homerun (Michaela Murphy's "All Star Game" being the best example that comes to mind from this year). 
• Journalism - General Stanley McChrystal lost his job as our top commander in Afghanistan for, as best I can tell, not knowing that "Rolling Stone" magazine was in the business of writing down the stupid things he said.  The other game changer scoop offered was McChrystal's affinity for Bud Light Lime.  Talk about a case of "don't ask, don't tell".  UnderDoggie - Ken Auletta's piece ("Publish or Perish?") in "The New Yorker" about the arrival of the iPad and what the competitive differences between it and Amazon's Kindle might mean for the future of publishing.
• Celebrity flameout – It seems almost unfair to pile onto the keeled over mess that is Lindsay Lohan.  But she's absolutely in a class by herself.  Aside from spending half the year in rehab and jail, her gig appears to now only be method acting prep (heavy on the "meth", but pretty equallly focused upon the "odd") for a starring role in her own autobiography.  She makes Joaquin Phoenix and Christian Bale look like they're mailing it in.  Sadly, Lindsay's also my dead pool pick for 2011.  In spite of all that, if she had a Farrah Fawcett-equivalent poster, it would be hanging above my bunk bed.  Right next to Lee Majors in his red track suit.  The UnderDoggie is awarded to Miley Cyrus.  In advance for 2011.  And 2013.
• Person of the Year – Dan Savage for initiating the inspired public service campaign for young gay people that served up proof that “It Gets Better” in the face of daunting, classless idiocy.  And the UnderDoggie goes to former JetBlue flight attendant, Steven Slater, for offering proof that in those cases where it won't we should all consider options that typically say "don't go there".

 TwentyEleven’s Largely Baseless Predictions

• The next Presidential election is already boiled down to two remaining Republican challengers before the first Primary vote is cast in early 2012.  A robotic re-election campaign for President Obama prepares to face either the Former Governor/Current Curmudgeon George Pataki or the Current Senator/Former Skull Model John Thune.  My money's on the skull guy.
• Taylor Swift steps up her ravenous trophy hunting by bagging a Timberlake, a Clooney, a Nicholson and a Bridges (Lloyd, which is all the more creepy given that he’s been dead since 1998).
• A new form of creative American austerity becomes all the rage, driven in part by Lady Gaga’s game-changing meat dress worn at 2010's "MTV Video Awards" show.  Consumers hungry for deals will eschew designer labels, choosing instead to make their own clothes with whatever they find lying around the house. 
• Kate Middleton and Prince William's royal wedding becomes the most watched televised event in history, surpassing the Apollo 11 moon landing and the finale of "M*A*S*H*".  Even during Prince Harry's 20-minute best man toast where he jokes about William's hair loss and some of Kate's "experimentation" in college.  The world feels a bit icky for like a week.
• A retro mania for the Muppets sweeps the Nation.  Once more, characters with vivid, unnatural skin tones and exaggerated, childlike emotions warms the hearts of kids young and old.  Until people begin to realize how similar they are to the new Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH). 
• The trendy embrace by kids of SillyBandz is replaced by the new gotta-have-them craze – HamHandcuffs. 
• Facebook fails in its broad assault meant to combine all our disparate forms of messaging.  If I'm to believe their current plan, my next YearEnder might be automatically pulled from all my emails and texts, along with possibly all the long forgotten notes scribbled on cocktail napkins stuffed in the pockets of old coats dating way back to the elder Bush's Administration.  I may not have rowed crew at Harvard, but I think I also have a case for why Facebook might lose on this one.  Too much, too soon.
• The cast of “Jersey Shore” is kidnapped by North Korea's new leader, Kim Jong-Un, to feed their tasteless, limitless cheese output to a hungry nation.
• Justin Bieber defies expectations and records a polka album.  You get it as a joke birthday present, but end up really liking it.  Then you hear it playing at a Starbucks while you're waiting on a caramel latte.  You cry just a skoch.  Then walk out, totally forgetting your drink order.  And the rest of the day pretty much goes like that.
• And the anniversary of 9/11 becomes a moment for all of us to pause and consider just how much - or how little - can be accomplished in a decade.

Whew.  So let's just call that my spin on 2010.  I wish y'all the best in the year ahead.  Be most excellent.

Ever -
E.

Drawing pictures of characters that make you throw up in your mouth just a little

Here's two book reviews that I need to add to the ether.  One with tons of press, one a fictional version of a heavy topic regarding newspapers.  Tenuous connection to toss out as an intro - my apologies.

"Game Change" by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin is that truly rare political journalism book - one that is good enough to stand on the writing alone.  But in this case there is also a great deal of well-crafted narrative there.  Obviously.  The stunning thing about "Game Change" for me is that while they don't craft new character profiles (everyone already knows the personalities of Obama, the Clintons, the Edwards, McCain, and Palin), they absolutely NAIL the air in the room around them.  You can see and feel what they're like.  That's great reporting.  Any political junkie in your life that hasn't read this must be instructed to do so immediately.  For all the journalism that I read, I'll nonetheless admit that this book shaped my view of all those players more than anything I've read since 2007.  My rating - a strong A-minus.

"The Imperfectionists" by Tom Rachman is the sort of novel I generally love.  Hot, topical, smart, full of characters that surprise and impress.  I tore through it, compared to my usual limp while being too easily distracted by a half dozen other things I'm reading.  It's not long, and the writing for a first novel is, without a doubt, impressive.  It reminded me of Colson Whitehead's first book ("The Intuitionist").  That's a double-edged sword.  Because in both cases, I wanted desperately to see what they'd do next, while not being especially thrilled with the way I felt after this book was done.  For completely different reasons, mind you.  Rachman paints a vivid, cleverly formatted picture of a dying newspaper and the largely horrible people that orbit around that institution's rotting core.  Early on, I was knocked flat and happy by how well he drew his characters - introduced and covered deeply in each section, then dropped completely unless by incidental references in other sections.  Then I began to hate how cynical the pictures were that he'd painted.  Eventually I wanted to tell him to knock it off.  At the end, I tossed the book aside and muttered something not especially nice about the time spent getting dicked around.  So I can't recommend it.  I give it a C-rating.  If only judged by the quality of the writing, I'd give him at least a B-plus.  But the people he draws - oh gawd, that's at best a high-D.  Which I feel sort of bad about, because I was rooting for this author big time going in.

Hope your own double-sided coin is good either way today.  Rock on.

What's my least favorite Customer Service excuse? All of them

Anyone who knows me well can answer the following question - aside from over-priced hipster cupcakes, what modern convenience do I find most irritating?  The answer, of course, is dealing with a"customer service representative".  It's an impossibly broad category, if you waste time thinking about it.  Any job, really, should be considered a customer service job.  But I'm specifically miffed by those generally still human members of society who have the task of answering our questions about, say, a broken Kitchen Aid mixer (Williams-Sonoma, I'm possibly looking in your general direction).  Those people are the ones that pee in society's coffeemaker, wrinkle our collective laundry, don't clean up after their dogs who always stop out front of our shared driveway, and/or just plain make certain tasks that, say, 30 years ago were not that big of a deal a whole ton more irritating.  Not that I'm talking about anyone in particular.  But if you decided to dump a whole bag of really obnoxious garbage in public to stage your own personal tea party protest, you may want to consider the front entrance of a Williams-Sonoma.  As an American who's also a big fan of all the Founding Fathers, I wouldn't try to stop you.

To be less opaque if you don't get that last reference - Sarah Palin did it again.  She's 500-miles-wide and an inch deep.  Which is as new and insightful as saying the ocean is wet.

From the wonderful adventure that is Maya's not-quite-5-year-old life, the new favorite word metaphor around our house is "rollerskates".  She just got a pair, after I returned the poorly received Razor scooter that Hanukah Harry left under the ol' Festivus pole.  She really only wanted the skates.  I was just being a wuss in thinking that she might be a bit young.  Hell, in little more than a year she can start kids roller derby here in Seattle.  So you can rightly expect that I'm psyched that she is picking it up pretty fast.  For a normally cautious kid, it's a treat to see her get a bit ballsy.  And it brings back memories of how I lived in rollerskates for a hearty chunk of most weekend days in the Winters of my youth.  My cousins who lived nearby and I had skates to run constantly evolving courses we set up in their huge cement floored basement.  I'm glad Maya got that gene.

Hope your own lost memories show up in genetic copies today.  Rock on.

Time for Letterman to take his show on the road, preferably not to Chicago

Today's news shockers are the sort of hot-burning wood for a hearty autumnal fire that so seldom comes out of the pile. Chicago got faced on its Olympics bid. Everyone will make this into a personal defeat for Obama after he wrongly came to make his own case. Obviously, there was nothing he could do. This was a snub directed at the United States. No offense meant to Rio - I would love to go then or, hopefully, sooner to Brazil. But it calls into question our image abroad. I honestly don't think Chicago deserved it, even though I've heard reported that its bid was the best ever mounted by the U.S. and it would have surely put on one helluva show. The fault lies with our Nation's past bids and the arrogance that accompanies the expectation that we deserve another so soon. 2002, 1996, 1984, 1980, 1960. We've had the Games 5 times in the last 50 years. During the same period, Japan had them 3 times, Canada will have had it 3 times with Vancouver in 2010, and two other nations have had them twice (France and Italy). A South American country has never hosted the Games. Neither has an African nation or Antarctica. But let's be fair. Spread it around a little and quit making this about selling Coke and Nike and Visa cards. Sorry, Barack. But you overreached on this one.

Secondly, David Letterman's intensely weird admission of an affair is one thing. Extortion sucks. But the fact that the affair was with that strange, gawkey young assistant, Stephanie Birkitt, who often accompanied him during ask the audience segments and otherwise...well, that's just toxic. And the fact that the "48 Hours" producer that was extorting money from him was Stephanie's boyfriend. Yuck. The manure sundae comes after the ratings news of Letterman kicking the pants of Conan O'Brien's show last week by his widest margin in 15 years. Ratings will go up for the time being for Dave. But then he'll take a serious hit, I would imagine, especially when Sarah Palin gets a chance to start the swings being directed his way. This is just plain sad. I like Dave. He's going to get covered in mud on this one, though.

Seattle is surely back to the Fall thing. It feels good, for now. Hope your own forecast gives you something to look forward to other than just the Packers-Vikings game on Monday Night. Rock on.

And what about Bubba rescuing those reporters? His agent really earned the commision with THAT one...

The summer has cooled off so much that you can practically smell the NFL season. And with August no longer a newsy drought, the time seems appropriate for a little taking stock of certain stories that I've not commented upon in weeks past. Hopefully this will be quick so I can back to the real work at hand.

The Birthers have no more wind in their holey sails given the totally fraudulent Kenyan birth bunk. But these wackos aren't going away. Up next I'll bet anyone a potful of poi that there will be disproportionate concentration on his childhood years in Indonesia. With the battle cry of "well, he may have been born in Hawaii, but he learned to hate America at a madrassa in Indonesia..."

I hate to say it, but Obama really dropped the ball on the health care reform debate. This is due entirely to not having a plan before asking Congress to come up with one. Town hall violence and general polling discontent aside - Obama doesn't have a horse in this race. Everyone will look for a scapegoat in the poor planning. I pick Tom Daschle for being an utterly flawed "czar" nominee that didn't even make it to a confirmation hearing before pulling out of the process.

Sarah Palin is crazier than ever, but I'm convinced that she's going to start making the media rounds in a few weeks. Her "death panel" comments on Facebook last Friday notwithstanding.

"True Blood" is a cultural phenomenon. Why? Sex. It's only going to expand its appeal. Next up - evangelical nuts attacking it as some sort of sign that, once again, we're all going to hell.

I rented the original "Inglorious Basterds" this weekend. All I can say is I would hate to watch a bad bad movie with Quentin Tarantino while he tried to convince me it was bad good. Sometimes bad is just plain bad. And this movie sucked.

There's a story in today's NYTimes about how the loss of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer strengthened the position of the one remaining daily paper, the Seattle Times. I wanted to hate that piece, but it's actually a very good dissection of what's facing two newspaper metro areas and regional papers in general. For any media geeks out there - the Philly papers story in yesterday's NYTimes mag was also a sign of things to come. The shake outs will continue, in other words.

Maya's got a pair of pink cowgirl boots that Sarah found at a consignment store when we were on vacation in Santa Barbara. She's had cool clothes before. But these boots cross over more categories of appreciation than anything she's ever worn. I could be wearing a backless hospital gown and shower cap when I'm walking down the street with her and we'd get a thumbs-up from hipster and old crusties alike. My advice, get yourself a pair if you've got kids or a pet that appreciates footwear.

Well that feels better. Hope your own backlog of random observations get made into a best-selling collection of bumperstickers today. Rock on.

Eat your heart out, Casey Kasem

The obvious points of interest (Sarah Palin's ridiculous final weeks on the job, the GOP's floundering assault on wise Latina women, Prince Fielder winning the otherwise unimportant Baseball All-Star Home Run Derby, the upcoming 40th anniversary of Apollo 11) seem a bit underwhelming to me. Today is that ultimate test one's own humility - my birthday. And a big one if the Hallmark corporation and its fellow guilt marketers are to be followed. Today I begin my 5th decade on the planet. The big four-oh. To be honest, it feels pretty good.

I like to think this is my George W. Bush moment. At 40, he quit drinking, found religion, got serious about getting new and exciting jobs he was also totally unqualified for, and eventually did everything in his power to bring down the country. But I'm no Dubya. I like to think big. So I'm going to say bring 'em on, make the pie higher, and don't misunderestimate me all in one tortured sentence. Still, for all those historians looking to analyze just what made me so, um, me...I offer a random list of things I love and thank the gawds for having created. In no particular order.

1. Hats, of all shapes, so long as they have a brim.
2. Sparkling water with juice and a touch of lime.
3. Sunglasses that work even on cloudy days.
4. King-sized beds with fresh sheets.
5. Lawnmowers that start on the first pull.
6. Movies in an air-conditioned theatre.
7. Saying "I love you" without a hint of a Fonzie stutter.
8. Throwing a perfect spiral with a freshly pumped-up football.
9. Writing a line that makes someone laugh out loud.
10. WiFi that doesn't require a password.

I hope y'all have a special day. Rock on.

Like shooting fish in a barrel. Lined up by the millions.

Two quick shots. Iran is obviously on the top of everyone's must watch list. I can't offer anything new. But neither, it sadly appears, can anyone with a news network or political office. For all of the last nearly a decade demonizing Iran's theocratic and political leadership, we got bupkis. Same goes for North Korea, but that's a whole other ball of chickpeas or dung. Since no one else seems ready to make an informed statement on the matter, here's my offering. These public protests aren't going away. The election results will be increasingly seen as fraudulent and the government will become more violent in its fight for survival. What's my source material? The graphic novels "Persepolis" and the equally brilliant animated movie based on them. Watch them and you'll have as much insight as me.

Secondly, the whole "Fire David Letterman" absurdity circus is as cynical as anything perpetrated by a Republican since the coining of the term "War on Terror". Dave is laughing his way to the bank as his ratings go through the roof. The person most upset by this whole manufactured storm of bullshite has to be Conan O'Brien. Who I love, but I must say that his show has been on a downhill slope since it opened big. Sarah and Todd Palin's political savvy isn't even in the same species as Dave's. They've handed Dave gold and are stupid enough to claim it's moosepoop. And anyone clamoring for retribution from a manufactured controversy should look down. Because they're not standing in gold.

Hope your own ratings stay on the rise today. Rock on.

2008 YearEnder

On the 4th Anniversary of this Blog, I'll give y'all a hearty taste of the YearEnder that I send to friends and family. Merry Merry 2009 to all.
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2008 – The Year in Politics
This YearEnder establishes a new feature. My “YearEnder PoliTicker” – a gauge of various folk that floated through the political mainstream in ’08, viewed through a thoroughly unscientific stock-picking mechanism. Invest wisely based upon these recommendations. And please bear in mind that almost all stock-picking shtick is shallow, confusing and utter nonsense. Kinda like anything you might hear on CNBC or its mutant twins on any given day.
- Barack Obama (HOLD) – he was the Man of the Year and the biggest political story of our generation. But with what he’s facing, I’d sit on the Hope you’ve already got at least through 2009.
- Joe Biden (BUY) – the anti-Cheney will soon become a surprisingly necessary asset to keep the Cabinet in check. And now that he won’t be taking the train back to Delaware every weeknight, expect the Bidens to be all up in the grill of the DC social scene.
- Hillary Clinton (HOLD) – the perks that come with being Secretary of State are huge. Hillary's stock peaked well over a year ago. But she's one to HOLD for the long run that she surely thinks still ain't over yet.
- John McCain (SELL) – he’s been a gracious loser, but this campaign kicked the crap out of his infamous stamina. Going back to the Senate as a gelding Republican sounds about as much fun as heading to San Francisco as a young Mormon missionary to knock on doors in the Castro.
- George W. Bush (BUY) – most believe that he couldn’t possibly head anywhere but further down down down. But near the end of the 2009, I expect there will be a retro movement to bring him out of mothballs. What’s a satirical society without a disgraced figure to chuck a few shoes at? Call this a risky BUY, but one worth adding to your portfolio. Besides, it's an extremely cheap BUY.
- Sarah Palin (SELL) – she’s now a different type of GILF (Grandmother, rather than Governor). Look for a concerted effort within her own Party to trash Grannie Palin. After all, everyone secretly hates a Beauty Queen. Even in Wasilla. Dump her stock while you still can.
- Nancy Pelosi (HOLD) – I love Nancy. But she’s been frustratingly ineffective. She needs to go public with the vitriolic bitchiness I know she’s been hiding. Don’t be surprised if it happens. But don’t hold your breath.
- Harry Reid (BUY) – I don’t love Harry. He’s been totally ineffective. But he used to be a boxer. If Senator Al Franken manages to get under his skin, Harry just might come out swinging this Year. Take the risk and get a bit o’ Harry.
- Mike Huckabee (BUY) – amazingly, SkinnyHuck is making the BigBucks. He’s charming, funny and a complete disaster on the issues. In other words, he’s golden on FOX News. BUY by the bushel.
- Mitt Romney (SELL) – the only politician actively campaigning for 2012. He will become a fixture on cable news to deliver the Republican’s single talking point on the economy (“it’s Obama’s fault”). Dump all your Romney. A share of him is more toxic than a bushel of Lieberman.
- Elliot Spitzer (BUY) – being an alleged do-gooder publicly disgraced by a stunning prostitute isn’t the most inglorious way to end a political career. After all, Spitz is already writing a column for “Slate” about ethics. Expect that rebranding to expand. It won’t be long before he’s all over the place, being considered a big brain with tragic insight. Especially after Ashley Dupre` breaks down and does her overdue million-dollar nude spread for a greasy porn mag in the next handful of months.
- Rod Blagojevich (SELL) – if ever there was a guy prepped to tell a reporter to “BLEEP off” during a live press conference, it’s Blago. He’s managed to go from tragedy to comedy right back to tragedy again. If life was a Scorsese film, he’d already have been popped. Essentially a penny stock. Still, dump all your Blago and remove guilt by association from your portfolio.

2008 in a Snapshot
- The worldwide economic meltdown. Massive housing depreciation. The collapsing American auto industry. A shady $700B Wall Street bailout. Unemployment spikes during the biggest hiring season of the Year. Gas and oil prices boomerang all over the place. Anarchy in the credit markets. Where will it end? No, seriously – I’m asking. Where does it end? Ba dump bum.
- The Detroit Lions managed to further depress Detroit unlike anything since the last Bob Seger reunion tour.
- Alaska and Hawaii were finally noticed the year before their 50th anniversaries of Statehood by the traveling campaign press corps. Which assignment do you think was more sought after? (Hint: pack a bikini, not a parka).
- Among those that passed away this Year were three of my personal favorite people – Paul Newman, George Carlin and Tim Russert. They will be missed.
- William Ayers and Joe the Plumber entered the political lexicon. One by slander, one by inexplicable ego.
- David Letterman showed just how funny he can still be when he piled on McCain’s imploding campaign.
- Robert Downey Jr. had more fun than anyone on the planet.
- Larry Craig's "wide stance" ruined a perfectly good bathroom in the Twin Cities airport.

Comeback of the Year
Pirates. No, not the Pittsburgh ones.

Quote of the Year
“That one.”

Trend of the Year
Vampires – Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight”, HBO’s “True Blood”, Vampire Weekend (my runner-up for Album of the Year), Tom Cruise’s rise from the dead only to return again to his crypt after the failure of “Valkarie”. The undead were everywhere. And I’m bloody sick of it.

A Few Picks for the Best o’ ‘08
- Movies - There are loads of new films I’ve not yet seen. But “Slumdog Millionaire” was the best movie I saw all year. I consider it the single most hopeful, romantic, allegorical story to counter the terrible tragedy that Mumbai suffered recently in real life.
- Music - Bon Iver (the pseudonym for the musician Justin Vernon and his collaborators) recorded the stunningly beautiful album “for Emma, forever ago” at a cabin in northern Wisconsin. The location arms me with an obvious bias. But if you can listen to this album and not consider the brilliance required to make magic in such sparse recording conditions you’ve not been to the same cabins that I grew up enjoying.
- Books - Richard Price’s novel “Lush Life” features hard-edged, distinctly real-feel dialogue that masterfully transports the reader to places they'd never knowingly choose on their own. Richard Price's work is good enough to whet the appetites of those still crestfallen now that “The Wire” is no longer on HBO.
- TV - “The Daily Show” continues to be the most essential show on any level. Sure, it’s a safe-sounding pick. But if anything else was on top of our TiVo recording list for 8-years running, it would have instead earned this accolade. And I believe Jon Stewart should have become the new moderator on "Meet the Press".
- Radio - Likewise, “This American Life” is essential radio listening. Especially in the case of two of their shows this Year dedicated to analysis of the economic meltdown. “The Giant Pool of Money” and "Another Frightening Show About the Economy". Both are infinitely better than any other economic reporting I saw during this difficult Year. Download the podcasts. Please.
- Sports - Michael Phelps swam like a dolphin. Maybe he's not a bad guy. But he’s becoming a Paris Hilton-like celebrity. Did anyone really think he was ready to host "Saturday Night Live"? Cancel that – the NY Giants winning the Super Bowl last January was the best sports moment of the Year.
- Killer App - Facebook became the single most effective way of locating largely-forgotten personal ghosts since the invention of the Private Eye. Sign up if you haven’t already done so. And crack out your old address books. You’ll be amazed who you’ll bump into. Maybe a bit scared, too.

2009 Largely Baseless Predictions
- Condi Rice comes out of the closet. Translation: she actually voted for Obama.
- Al Gore drops the whole global warming shtick for a more innovative new cause – hydroponics.
- Miley Cyrus starts dating Lindsey Lohan. The editorial offices of four tabloids soon thereafter spontaneously combust.
- New Orleans finally gets what it needs to begin a real recovery after Governor Bobby Jindal realizes he actually has a shot at the GOP nomination in 2012.
- Karl Rove shoots himself in the face on a hunting trip. The media rushes to indict Dick Cheney who was nowhere near Rove at the time, as evidenced by sworn statements that he was a 1000 miles away at the time shooting another man in the face. (Note: "Dick Cheney shoots someone in the face" predictions never get old)
- Ford buys GM and eliminates a bundle of divisions. Chrysler folds. But andthefamilybuick.blogspot.com survives and thrives. Check it out.
- The U.S. is truly, sadly the last foreign military presence in Iraq after Britian pulls out their last soldiers in the early summer. Widespread unwillingness to return for yet another tour of duty hobbles our military. We’re reluctantly down to 50,000 soldiers deployed there by 2010. Iraq becomes Bosnia. Translation: no one cares anymore as the World turns a deaf ear on yet another unresolved tragedy.
- Gitmo is closed and all prisoners are transferred to a prison in one of the reddest of red states. Oklahoma? Idaho? Wyoming? Utah? Yea, payback’s a bitch.
- Two new Supreme Court slots surface when John Paul Stevens and David Souter announce their retirements. Bill Clinton is spotted in Georgetown getting preemptively measured for a robe.
- The Gaza Strip is renamed the Gaza Smoldering Median.
- The Bush Legacy Project concentrates its energy on Phase One – a formal effort to change the pronunciation of "nuclear".
- The next Governor seized by scandal? Vermont’s Jim Douglas. It turns out that he’s been mislabeling his sugaring operation’s Grade B maple syrup as Organic Grade A maple syrup. His political career is OVER.
- The increasing wave of retail bankruptcies finally finds a way to make me smile – the nationwide decimation of high-end dog treat boutiques.

So where do we go from here? Forward (the official motto of the State of Wisconsin). I still find great reasons to have confidence in our Nation and I look to 2009 with focused, open eyes. May yours be a blessed Year ahead. Thanks for reading. Rock on.

Our one Prezidunt at this time keeps his focus on the big issues

On the day Barack Obama gave his third daily presser in a row on economic recovery, what did Dubya accomplish? He saved a turkey. No, not Scooter Libby. That pardon is coming in early January. Instead, Dubya continued the annual tradition first introduced by his Poppy (true story - 1989 was the first "official" gobbler un-served). While it's not as much fun as seeing Sarah Palin gobble up airtime with inanities while a turkey went through the wood-chipper just over her shoulder, Dubya's classic shot from a few years back really gets me in the mood to tear into one of those suckers.

Hope your own turkeys are brining, not getting tossed out of a cab in suburban Chevy Chase right about now. Rock on.

After the crash...

The unintentional silence you might have noticed from these here parts over the last handful of days has a story behind it. Even if you don't care, I need to clear the drains. So to speak. My darling daughter pulled my Mac laptop onto the floor by the power cord. Shattered the screen. Made me realize how much I love my daughter because she both is fine and was utterly apologetic. But it also made me realize how much I loved my laptop. Do you know how much it costs to replace a LCD screen on a more than 3-year-old Mac? For me, $1240. Not much scratch if you're passing out loans to Wall Street or the auto industry. But serious cash for a piece of over-used electronics. So I've been pouting while I watch the news in the same fashion that you all have come to expect. Thereby, here's some overdue shots.

Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State has more strings attached than Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Will she work hard? Yup. Will she be almost impossible to clear from past controversies? Absolutely. Can Obama do better? I believe so. Will this mend some bridges with Hillary's supporters? Unquestionably. Should we be debating this as the world looks to us to make sense of what a sinkhole we're in currently? No gawddamn way. This one will make two months of transition into 2 years of investigative journalism. Cut the cord, Barack. I hate to say it, but you don't owe the Clintons anything.

Joe Lieberman is still a Democrat. For now. First sign of Iraq War withdrawal and that cat is over the fence.

Ted Stevens lost and Sarah Palin signed a $7M book deal. I'm willing to bet more ink has been spilled on Alaska politics this year since the aggregate timeline of inclusion in the Union in 1959. Expect that 50th Anniversary of Statehood to be Spring Break for Joe the Plumbers cast far and wide next year.

On a personal note - we're headed to Santa Barbara soon with the expectation of being stunned by the damage caused by the recent fires. Our family and friends are fine. But I'll update y'all with some pics and commentary when I get a better gauge of just how crazy it is to see that sort of damage.

Hope you get the chance to hug your own beloved electronics today. Rock on.

If she says "it's time to move on" once more, I put out the challenge to be the first reporter to get up and walk out of the room.

Nine days after the Election, Sarah Palin held her first news conference as a national political figure. She took 4 questions - under 10 minutes of weird smoke and dull-edged attempts to change the subject - before being shuffled off the stage by an especially uninspiring Texas Guv Rick Perry and the dozen of other white dudes surrounding her. The amount of media heat being generated by Palin is a disgrace. Why wouldn't she sit down for questions before she and McCain tanked like an even-more-uninspired Bob Dole campaign? My belief is she's now comfortable that the questions will be all about process. Before the election, some questions might have included actual policy considerations. And we all know how well she does with that sort of thang. This PR campaign after the actual campaign was obviously expected. I'm not surprised at all. It's as simple as considering whether a woman who claims to have only shopped at consignment stores in Anchorage (yea, right) would head back in that direction after getting 13 suitcases worth of high fashion freebies from high-end department stores. Or in less-concrete fashion, Sarah Palin is truly a diva. One of the worst. Just like Mariah Carey. And this election was her "Glitter". Thoughts of a comeback are all divas can focus on when they've been embarrassed by the amount of crap they spout. So I expect we'll see her out there making the same ol' digs at Obama while she frantically searches for a new producer to spin this mess into gold. Good luck with that, Guv. Especially if it continues to look like Ted Stevens will lose his re-election bid and she won't have anything to run for until at least 2010. I'd bet that winter forecast for Alaska would look especially far from that newfound heat right about now, even for a self-professed native.

Hope your own office offers not only a "present" button, but lots of "donation" buttons today. Rock on.

This Bright New Day

He actually did it. Barack Obama will be our next President. I'm still up to my ears in results and analysis, but a few things have become astonishingly clear. I'll offer a shorthand version.

1. Battleground states broke almost entirely for Obama. The more time he spent there, the better he did. Period. Just look at Ohio, Pennsylvania and Florida if you doubt my take on the utter shift in the map.
2. The Dems made some gains in Congressional races, but the game didn't entirely change. Regardless, the time has come to jettison Joe the Lieberman to the ranks of truly Independent and powerless.
3. Social conservatives are still a force to be reckoned with when it comes to proferring obtuse and bullshite referendum votes. Prop 8 in California is a particularly galling example. The war ain't over, people.
4. Sarah Palin has already been thrown under the bus, but she is about to be backed over time and time again. The single most stunning inside baseball piece of the day comes from "Newsweek" that includes reporting about her meeting campaign aides wearing just a towel (RAWR!) and how she got staffers to buy clothes for her on their own credit cards. The only person happy about how much of a joke she will forever be remembered becoming - Dan Quayle.
5. It ain't over. Recount in Minnesota's Franken/Coleman race. Runoff in Georgia's Chambliss/Martin race. Cats and dogs sleeping together. Much more to report later.

But the single most interesting tidbit from the avalanche of reporting is the brilliant "get" that David Remnick ("The New Yorker" editor in chief) got from William Ayers yesterday in Barack Obama's neighborhood. Anyone that claims Obama is tarnished by a connection to Ayers has always been full of shite. This little poetic moment of reportage proves it. Read it. You'll be glad you did.

A few final thoughts. I've been an obvious Obama supporter from the beginning. He's a most capable person in the most challenging of times. I don't begrudge those that were not on board. Yet the time has come for the Nation to realize one simple fact - Barack Obama won. He hired the best people, he raised the most money, he benefitted from the news of the day, blah blah blah. Barack Obama will be our next President because he was smart enough and convincing enough to get people to listen to him and vote for him. I am proud of my country today. And damn glad to be able to say that.

Hope you're all looking forward today. Rock on.

Targeting '08 - "Shameless"

With just over one week to go before the Election, I can't hold back on a few predictions that may quite simply jinx the future of humankind. Call me impetuous. Or Satan. I answer to both.

Sarah Palin didn't lose the Election for John McCain. But she cut his percentage of the vote by at least 5%.

John McCain appeared on "Meet the Press" where he referred to Joe Biden as "Joe the Biden" and where he "fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, um..." struggled to remember the 5 Secretaries of State that had endorsed him. Eventually a frantic staffer off camera advised him that he'd forgotten George Shultz. Who McCain quickly called one of our greatest Secretaries of State EVER. If Bob Dole had looked this old and tired back in '96, someone would have institutionalized him.

Early voting patterns in such states as Georgia and Florida suggest that precincts with heavy African-American populations will shatter turnout records. Aside from the astonishing translation that other states like Mississippi and South Carolina are being reassessed for their competitiveness, one astonishing tertiary effect billows up. In short, incumbent Senator Saxby "Shameless" Chambliss may face a rare runoff election against his Dem opponent (Jim Martin) if neither crosses the 50% threshold on Election Day. Why should we care? Because we may be then facing a filibuster-proof majority election for the Dems a month after Election Day in an unprecedented showdown. And, not that any of us need to relive this indignity, the Bushies got Shameless elected to his only term thus far by tagging Max Cleland with an entirely baseless association with Osama Bin Laden back in '02. Confused? Trust me - if it goes down as I predict, we'll all know WAY too much about this race to discuss at length over our respective TurkeyDay gatherings.

Hope your own NFL teams are enjoying their bye week. Rock on.

"But, doggone it, I still think your surrender flags are made in San Francisco by illegal immigrants that want to unionize, I'm tellin' ya."

Let's debate the Debate. Sarah Palin didn't fall on her face or have an unscripted nip slip. So everyone's disappointed, in some way. She was all style, zero substance, no true gaffes. Biden was flat early, but eventually gathered steam. In short - a total draw. Gwen Ifill, I'm sorry to say, was the true loser by offering nothing near the realm of compelling questions. Some might argue that was her purpose. But I'm convinced that she was stymied by the lame criticism of her upcoming book by Republicans who were fully aware that it was in the pipe months ago. Regardless, I hate Palin's tendency to offer up the cutesy wink and folksy colloquialism after essentially delivering a bald, false, dickish rip on more than half of the Nation's voters. Doncha know.

Brew Crew lost another yesterday, 5-2. It heads back to Milwaukee for Game 3 on Saturday. It's not over. But unless we find some bats back in 'Sconi, it's pretty much over. Same goes for the Cubbies who head to LA after getting spanking at Wrigley. My only question - who will track down Steve Bartman before this year's team is done for the Season. Poor, unfairly doomed bastard. If anyone ever deserved to be in the witness protection program, it's that Cubs fan.

Hope your own debate coaches have enough Advil to make it through the morning flight back to DC today. Rock on.

Oh, and Sarah Palin will struggle to name a single TV show that her TiVo recommends aside from "all of them".

Big debate tonight, no matter how you spin it. Aside from being offended by the childish effort to tarnish Gwen Ifill's credentials, I'm going to hold back on the counterspin for the time being. Except for saying that I bet Sarah wears blue in a cynical attempt to court Hillary Dems. Biden will wear a dark suit and puke-colored tie with a few swizzlesticks sticking out of his breast pocket.

The Brewers lost Game One in Philly yesterday, 3-1. They took forever to get going, but their bullpen looked strong and they were surging in the 9th before Corey "No, not THAT Corey Hart" Hart struck out with two runners in scoring position. CC Sabathia pitches on short rest again today. Take one there and guarantee two games back in Milwaukee. It would have been nice to take that one. But I'm not exactly taking off my jersey with where we stand right now.

Hope your own debate watching parties serve moose burgers and Rocky Mountain oysters tonight. Rock on.

Contrary to earlier reports, this blog is not officially suspended.

I know, I know - I surely picked a loaded week of newsiness to not add anything to the mix. Sometimes even the most self-convinced among us take a few days off to thoughtfully consider just what's hit the country in the face like a flock of junebugs while hurtling along at 100 miles an hour on a motorcycle. I'll make it quick on a variety of points.

Last night's debate was a draw. Obama was calm and measured, to a possible fault. But McCain looked like the grumpy ol' cuss that we all know he truly is not so far beneath the surface. I take that back - McCain lost. Expect him to get all touchy-feelie next time out. Which will creep people out even more.

Sarah Palin's star has fallen. Incredibly so. Her interview this week with Katie Couric was the turning point, although I expect the zeitgeist had seen her as a mistake much earlier. The best evidence that she's no longer trusted by the McCain camp to open her mouth on camera? She didn't do a single interview after the debate last night. I think Biden was everywhere but on the Home Shopping Network. I imagine her in a missile silo in North Dakota right about now.

The Wall Street bailout is a turd wrapped in another far more expensive turd. Since I know as much as any other moron, I expect a complex mess to be passed in the middle of the week after World markets flop like a 40-pound catfish after a few days of doomsaying.

I also predict that McCain's next Hail Mary will be to vote against whatever form the bailout takes for final passage. That and getting Sarah Palin to appear in a "Maxim"-quality photoshoot sitting on his lap in the Oval Office. Oh wait, is that sexist. Sure. But she is truly only cosmetic and I couldn't care less about that charge anymore.

The Milwaukee Brewers now control their own destiny with two games remaining for both them and the Mets in the regular season. The Brew Crew's won 5 in a row. Ben Sheets is pitching hurt today. CC Sabathia is prepped to pitch on short rest tomorrow if need be. I'm cautiously optimistic.

Maya's been teaching us what's she's learned about the upcoming Rosh Hashanah holiday on Monday ("it's the New Year, Daddy"). Auntie Becca's in town for a weekender visit to also benefit from the education. Can't really say that I've got a shofar to blow. Whatever that means. But we're learning.

Hope your own teams don't inappropiately "blow the shofar" early this weekend. Go Brewers. Rock on.

Palin pales as the banks fail?

As the markets burn and the Bushies throw bailouts hither and yon, I'm certainly not alone in thinking the real short-term impact is on the race for Prezidunt. McCain's faltering at every opportunity. Palin's nowhere to be seen (I'd check the nearest Valentino store where I expect she'll be looking to return that slightly used $2500 blouse thingie she bought for her Convention speech). Obama's on the attack. Biden, too. And the polls, for what they're worth, are showing the margin shifting away from McCain/Palin. The first debate is next Friday. Six days after that, Palin and Biden go at it. I expect that countless opinionmeisters with a soapbox to use will begin to seriously doubt the wisdom of choosing an untested Governor from Alaska just prior to this upheaval. Nonetheless, I'm waiting for some GOP hacks to start saying that the Dems somehow manufactured this meltdown in our Nation's financial sector. Because if you're going to throw every imaginable mudpie at the wall to see what sticks, you might as well mix in a few more up-to-the-moment conspiracy theories.

All of this focus on losing a few trillion dollars has certainly taken the Nation's eye off another big story - the shocking demise of the Milwaukee Brewers. They fired their manager, Ned Yost, in the most uncivil fashion with just 12 games left in the regular season. They are no longer in the lead for the Wild Card slot in the playoffs. They may have lost pitcher Ben Sheets for the remainder of the season last night. Sure, they've got Robin Yount back in the dugout as the replacement Bench Coach. But at this point I think he's only good for mustache grooming tips. I'm not giving up - they did win last night in Chicago after needing to use 7 relief pitchers after Sheets had to leave the game. Interim Manager Dale "Yes, My Name is Spelled Correctly" Sveum got a beer shower after his first victory in that role. But I'm beginning to think about getting that tattoo removed if they miss the post-season again this year...

Hope your own markets are fully stocked with loads of organic veggies today. Rock on.

Suggested retort #273 - Apply lipstick judiciously if you intend to actually speak to others.

Last night we had a neighborhood block party. Nice folks, typically well-informed (this is Seattle, after all), armed with all manner of kids and smiles and interesting retorts. I guess I'm just an elitist since I believe that whenever I get into a head-shaking conversation about politics out here the discussion of "tactics" and "spin" becomes a lament that could be equally shared over the beer keg back in my childhood home in Northern Wisconsin. When the out of context attacks come out in a campaign of this magnitude, all bets are off. So I offer a new level of outrage today when it comes to how the McCain campaign is trying to swift boat Barack Obama. "Lipstick on a pig" is now sexist? Not when McCain said the same thing about front-running Hillary Clinton in October (!) of last year, or the times since? The wheels are coming off this thing. Time for the gloves to do so, too.

Sarah Palin has the ultimate glass jaw. She won't take questions. Attacks work and that's all we're getting from McCain's brain trust for the foreseeable future. If the egocentric journalists that pride themselves on access do nothing to bemoan how Palin is barricaded from questioning with less than two months until the election...well, they are abject failures that discredit their profession. Pressure obviously needs to come from somewhere else. Herein is the best argument for a grassroots movement I've seen in my lifetime. Cut the crap. Answer some questions. Period.

Hope your own attack ads are at least as much fun as something for Grand Theft Auto today. Rock on.

And maybe throw in a "please, God, give someone - anyone besides Charlie Gibson - the chance to ask Sarah Palin a question before time runs out"

First up - sports. The Green Bay Packers won a big opener last nite against the Minnesota Vikings. There was plenty of sloppy play, but Aaron Rodgers certainly performed better than I expected. Which means that NFL fans across the Nation will continue to debate the soap opera that is Brett Favre's breakup with the Pack. Because, in case you were in a cave all weekend and didn't see the highlights, Favre had an equally great first game as a New York Jet. Tom Brady's out for the year, the Chargers got spanked harder than Jessica Simpson after a Cowboys rout, the Colts look as old as a Sarah Palin-free John McCain rally in a diner, and everyone else still has hope since it's only the first week of the Season. Ah, football. Smells like America without a Bush in the White House.

Secondly in the same vein - the Brewers are swooning. They still lead the National League Wild Card race by 3 games over the Phillies. Less than 20 games left in the Season for everyone. If you've got a few dollars left after contributing everything you can to Barack Obama, please buy a bratwurst and say a prayer for Milwaukee. Not one of those "pray away the gay" prayers from Sarah Palin's church. A prayer that may actually do something. If you believe in that cut of jib.

Hope your own home teams have plenty of good seats miraculously available. Rock on.

"Governor, do you believe that Russia constitutes a threat? And if so, what have you commanded the Alaskan National Guard to do about it?"

Suddenly, everyone loves Sarah Palin. She can deliver prepared text! She can belittle Barack Obama's resume! She can make a joke without including either a liberal or a rabbi in the setup! Fine - I'll grant you that she performed well last night. Here's where I diverge from the fawning, shallow praise. Answer a question, Governor. Just one. To start. Then another. They hid you for a few days to prep and weather questions that might distract you from last night's speech. But over the next 60 days you'll need to answer a whole bunch of queries to fill in the gargantuan gaps in your public exposure on the issues you seem to believe we shouldn't be able to know your views on. Like how a woman who got a passport just last year so she could go visit Alaskan National Guard troops in Kuwait has anything to say about the two wars we're currently stuck in or the multitude of landmines we're trying to avoid worldwide. Or how a woman that slashed funding for teen pregnancy support agencies feels about that decision given her daughter's Senior Year date with destiny. Or how the City Manager in Wasilla actually controlled the budget and the Mayor (her "executive" position) was a part-time gig. Or how she intends to bring a federal budget back into balance given her experience running a state budget surplus almost entirely supported by oil and gas revenue kickbacks. Or...well, let's just say that the list of questions will expand as the days go on. Attacks are okey-fine if you're speaking to a crowd that already drank the Kool Aid. In the broader debate of what's unquestionably one of our Nation's broadest debating seasons in history, you don't get a pass because you can make a joke about hockey. What's the real difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Hockey moms think they deserve to be on the ice, cross-checking with reckless abandon those on the other team without possibility of penalty time. Pitbulls are just dogs.

Hope your own convention bounce has something remotely to do with substance today. Rock on.