Time for Letterman to take his show on the road, preferably not to Chicago

Today's news shockers are the sort of hot-burning wood for a hearty autumnal fire that so seldom comes out of the pile. Chicago got faced on its Olympics bid. Everyone will make this into a personal defeat for Obama after he wrongly came to make his own case. Obviously, there was nothing he could do. This was a snub directed at the United States. No offense meant to Rio - I would love to go then or, hopefully, sooner to Brazil. But it calls into question our image abroad. I honestly don't think Chicago deserved it, even though I've heard reported that its bid was the best ever mounted by the U.S. and it would have surely put on one helluva show. The fault lies with our Nation's past bids and the arrogance that accompanies the expectation that we deserve another so soon. 2002, 1996, 1984, 1980, 1960. We've had the Games 5 times in the last 50 years. During the same period, Japan had them 3 times, Canada will have had it 3 times with Vancouver in 2010, and two other nations have had them twice (France and Italy). A South American country has never hosted the Games. Neither has an African nation or Antarctica. But let's be fair. Spread it around a little and quit making this about selling Coke and Nike and Visa cards. Sorry, Barack. But you overreached on this one.

Secondly, David Letterman's intensely weird admission of an affair is one thing. Extortion sucks. But the fact that the affair was with that strange, gawkey young assistant, Stephanie Birkitt, who often accompanied him during ask the audience segments and otherwise...well, that's just toxic. And the fact that the "48 Hours" producer that was extorting money from him was Stephanie's boyfriend. Yuck. The manure sundae comes after the ratings news of Letterman kicking the pants of Conan O'Brien's show last week by his widest margin in 15 years. Ratings will go up for the time being for Dave. But then he'll take a serious hit, I would imagine, especially when Sarah Palin gets a chance to start the swings being directed his way. This is just plain sad. I like Dave. He's going to get covered in mud on this one, though.

Seattle is surely back to the Fall thing. It feels good, for now. Hope your own forecast gives you something to look forward to other than just the Packers-Vikings game on Monday Night. Rock on.

Like shooting fish in a barrel. Lined up by the millions.

Two quick shots. Iran is obviously on the top of everyone's must watch list. I can't offer anything new. But neither, it sadly appears, can anyone with a news network or political office. For all of the last nearly a decade demonizing Iran's theocratic and political leadership, we got bupkis. Same goes for North Korea, but that's a whole other ball of chickpeas or dung. Since no one else seems ready to make an informed statement on the matter, here's my offering. These public protests aren't going away. The election results will be increasingly seen as fraudulent and the government will become more violent in its fight for survival. What's my source material? The graphic novels "Persepolis" and the equally brilliant animated movie based on them. Watch them and you'll have as much insight as me.

Secondly, the whole "Fire David Letterman" absurdity circus is as cynical as anything perpetrated by a Republican since the coining of the term "War on Terror". Dave is laughing his way to the bank as his ratings go through the roof. The person most upset by this whole manufactured storm of bullshite has to be Conan O'Brien. Who I love, but I must say that his show has been on a downhill slope since it opened big. Sarah and Todd Palin's political savvy isn't even in the same species as Dave's. They've handed Dave gold and are stupid enough to claim it's moosepoop. And anyone clamoring for retribution from a manufactured controversy should look down. Because they're not standing in gold.

Hope your own ratings stay on the rise today. Rock on.

Trainwrecks

If you've not yet seen it, Joaquin Phoenix was on "Late Night with David Letterman" last night. He was an inaudible delight. Completely full of drugs. Cranky. Impossible to take your eyes off of, kinda like what I imagine Jim Morrison was just before his last moments in the spotlight. Here's my unsupported theory - it was all an act. His older brother, River, was always the more talented and subtle Phoenix. But this one may rise again, too. Or probably not.

Sarah's still in Africa and Maya for the first time this morning asked when Mommy's going to be home. Sunday's pretty soon. And I'm planning a few fun distractions before then. Maya's been such a trooper. Still, I send out my best to those parents that need to do this on their own all the time.

On an utterly different level of parenting complexity, have you checked out the photos of that whackjob that had octoplets recently? Every fertility doctor in the world should be forced to use that portrait as their screen-saver. Helping people that need it to have kids is so important. But helping crazed Moms that just don't know when to stop is criminal.

Hope your own green rooms are stocked with nothing but mineral water today. Rock on.

If Ronald Reagan ever said "I screwed up" to Johnny Carson, do you really think he'd have had a career thereafter...

Two quickies.

John McCain on Letterman last night was an absolute clinic in how a glib politician trying to redirect his public persona can be made to look like an absolute boob. Dave earned even more respect from me than ever before by not allowing his questions to be steam-rolled by crappy talking points.

Maya has a new favorite video. If you missed the "Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals" skit from "Saturday Night Live" you missed a moment of hilarity that speaks for itself. Spot on impression, utter inanity, and cute animals - what's not to love? But even as this stupid clip gets more and more play, Maya cannot get enough. Every day - "can we watch that guy talk to the animals?" Every day - "yes, sweetie." Yet with all the repeated viewings...it's still funny.

Hope your own comedy routine before a white-tie crowd allows you to make a Superman joke today. Rock on.

Mush!

Crater? To quote Paul on Letterman - "I didn't even know her." If you've got money in anything other than your mattress, the news of market collapses worldwide is pretty frickin' scary. I've got my own spin. But I think we all need something else right now. Aside from a hug. So here's a few suggestions.

Oliver Stone appeared on "The Colbert Report" last night. I was stunned by "Platoon" and "Salvador" didn't suck. Still, he's been an incoherent boob for years. Almost everyone wants his new movie "W." to be interesting. Or terrible. Like everyone aside from your third cousin Morrie who works in LA, I haven't seen it yet. But his interview was hilarious.

Lance Mackey is the two-time defending Champ of the Iditarod sled dog marathon. He went to high school with Sarah Palin. Seriously. And he has a new reality show on the Discovery Channel that premieres next week. Who cares. Who cares? Ironically, me. He was on Conan O'Brien last night and his honest sweetness and dorky forthrightness utterly slayed me. That dog can do more than hunt.

Hope your own atonement was enough to make you realize that Gordon Gecko was so, so obscenely ahead of his time that someone should send Michael Douglas a CookieGram made out of dog poo today. Rock on.