Let the debate begin. Seven and a half years late might be better than never.

Like much of the World, I'm trying to calibrate my reaction to President Obama's prime timer last night on the end of combat operations in Iraq.  And since what is blogging if not therapy writ wide open and unedited for everyone to go rooting around in, here's a few thoughts.  

Most importantly, it's about time we started debating what our 7+ years and $1Trillion+ in Iraq truly boils down to.  Or whether we're truly at long last on our way "home" from that War.  Every available metric paints a lousy current picture - the best rundown I've heard was on Harry Shearer's "Le Show" this weekend.  Save the only one that everyone in support of going to War still mentions straight up - no more Saddam Hussein.  Instead of getting stuck there, I'd suggest that we all should think back to the actual "debate" that came prior.  Take the ol' chestnut defined as the "Pottery Barn" rule attributed to then Secretary of State Colin Powell.  Supposedly, "if you break it, you own it."  Set aside the fact that no such rule exists at Pottery Barn and you're still left with us shattering that "rule" even beyond it's false meaning.  So here we are as combat troops are redeploying.  And over there?  We did, indeed, break it.  And now we do not actually own it.  Much worse, we had to pay for the cost of doing so.  Those that do now own it, I think, could be defined as exactly the sort of people we would have preferred not have possession after said breakage.  I believe that Nuri al Malaki, Ahmed Chalabi and the others still wrangling over the results of an election from six months ago don't care about democracy.  For them it's the spoils of victory that are still worth fighting over.  And thanks to the grand wisdom of Richard Perle (ooh, I just got a chill), Paul Wolfowitz and Donald Rumsfeld (to touch on just a few obvious raw nerves), that's who we've now got to work with in place of Saddam in Iraq.  So yes, now let's at long last have that enduring historical debate.  Oh, and we will.  For decades.

In terms of Obama's speech, I think he struck the tone that we should expect from him.  Elegiac.  Frustrating in its willingness to give up too much to the presumed opposition.  Painted deep deep into a policy corner.  For all his obvious intellect, I'd bet Barack plays crappy poker.  In the past I've claimed he's a chess man.  But it's more obvious - he's a baller.  Put up your best defense and he'll shoot right over the top of you.  He uses deception only insofar as a fake pass or the political equivalent.  No cheating and if he's bluffing about how strong he feels or where he's going, a smart opposing player will see it telegraphed.  Right now, Obama's legs are still strong.  And the opposition should be seen as a joke.  That, however, might be exactly the wrong lesson to take into halftime of this term.  These midterms are going to be almost as brutal as the prevailing momentum's forecasting, I think.  Calling this play right now is a baller move.  Because no one's on the lookout for a finesse game right now.   But it could show that the game Obama's playing isn't nearly as dominant as people thought just last season.  Enough with the basketball analogy.  It does, though, still constitute my assessment of where this speech and this policy choice fits into the larger picture for the Obama Administration.  They may truly be a one-term Presidency.

My only other comment right now is to say that no family that's had to endure a deployment wants to be told that we owe Dubya some credit now.  Or ever.  Hearing that revisionist crap tumble from the Bushies, John McCain, John Boehner and all the lesser chickenhawks is just salt in the wounds that aren't going away.  And there are lots of wounds out there.  A million and half military personnel have been deployed in Iraq.  The ballpark number I heard reported this weekend of post-action mental issues is 30% of those people.  So over 400,000 people would have something to say about the wisdom of giving Dubya credit for what he did to them.  'Nuff said about that.

Well, like I said - this debate is just starting.  I hope we all get a chance to let some of it out, while actually taking the time to listen across the divide.  Be well.

Drawing pictures of characters that make you throw up in your mouth just a little

Here's two book reviews that I need to add to the ether.  One with tons of press, one a fictional version of a heavy topic regarding newspapers.  Tenuous connection to toss out as an intro - my apologies.

"Game Change" by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin is that truly rare political journalism book - one that is good enough to stand on the writing alone.  But in this case there is also a great deal of well-crafted narrative there.  Obviously.  The stunning thing about "Game Change" for me is that while they don't craft new character profiles (everyone already knows the personalities of Obama, the Clintons, the Edwards, McCain, and Palin), they absolutely NAIL the air in the room around them.  You can see and feel what they're like.  That's great reporting.  Any political junkie in your life that hasn't read this must be instructed to do so immediately.  For all the journalism that I read, I'll nonetheless admit that this book shaped my view of all those players more than anything I've read since 2007.  My rating - a strong A-minus.

"The Imperfectionists" by Tom Rachman is the sort of novel I generally love.  Hot, topical, smart, full of characters that surprise and impress.  I tore through it, compared to my usual limp while being too easily distracted by a half dozen other things I'm reading.  It's not long, and the writing for a first novel is, without a doubt, impressive.  It reminded me of Colson Whitehead's first book ("The Intuitionist").  That's a double-edged sword.  Because in both cases, I wanted desperately to see what they'd do next, while not being especially thrilled with the way I felt after this book was done.  For completely different reasons, mind you.  Rachman paints a vivid, cleverly formatted picture of a dying newspaper and the largely horrible people that orbit around that institution's rotting core.  Early on, I was knocked flat and happy by how well he drew his characters - introduced and covered deeply in each section, then dropped completely unless by incidental references in other sections.  Then I began to hate how cynical the pictures were that he'd painted.  Eventually I wanted to tell him to knock it off.  At the end, I tossed the book aside and muttered something not especially nice about the time spent getting dicked around.  So I can't recommend it.  I give it a C-rating.  If only judged by the quality of the writing, I'd give him at least a B-plus.  But the people he draws - oh gawd, that's at best a high-D.  Which I feel sort of bad about, because I was rooting for this author big time going in.

Hope your own double-sided coin is good either way today.  Rock on.

2008 YearEnder

On the 4th Anniversary of this Blog, I'll give y'all a hearty taste of the YearEnder that I send to friends and family. Merry Merry 2009 to all.
________________________________________________________________

2008 – The Year in Politics
This YearEnder establishes a new feature. My “YearEnder PoliTicker” – a gauge of various folk that floated through the political mainstream in ’08, viewed through a thoroughly unscientific stock-picking mechanism. Invest wisely based upon these recommendations. And please bear in mind that almost all stock-picking shtick is shallow, confusing and utter nonsense. Kinda like anything you might hear on CNBC or its mutant twins on any given day.
- Barack Obama (HOLD) – he was the Man of the Year and the biggest political story of our generation. But with what he’s facing, I’d sit on the Hope you’ve already got at least through 2009.
- Joe Biden (BUY) – the anti-Cheney will soon become a surprisingly necessary asset to keep the Cabinet in check. And now that he won’t be taking the train back to Delaware every weeknight, expect the Bidens to be all up in the grill of the DC social scene.
- Hillary Clinton (HOLD) – the perks that come with being Secretary of State are huge. Hillary's stock peaked well over a year ago. But she's one to HOLD for the long run that she surely thinks still ain't over yet.
- John McCain (SELL) – he’s been a gracious loser, but this campaign kicked the crap out of his infamous stamina. Going back to the Senate as a gelding Republican sounds about as much fun as heading to San Francisco as a young Mormon missionary to knock on doors in the Castro.
- George W. Bush (BUY) – most believe that he couldn’t possibly head anywhere but further down down down. But near the end of the 2009, I expect there will be a retro movement to bring him out of mothballs. What’s a satirical society without a disgraced figure to chuck a few shoes at? Call this a risky BUY, but one worth adding to your portfolio. Besides, it's an extremely cheap BUY.
- Sarah Palin (SELL) – she’s now a different type of GILF (Grandmother, rather than Governor). Look for a concerted effort within her own Party to trash Grannie Palin. After all, everyone secretly hates a Beauty Queen. Even in Wasilla. Dump her stock while you still can.
- Nancy Pelosi (HOLD) – I love Nancy. But she’s been frustratingly ineffective. She needs to go public with the vitriolic bitchiness I know she’s been hiding. Don’t be surprised if it happens. But don’t hold your breath.
- Harry Reid (BUY) – I don’t love Harry. He’s been totally ineffective. But he used to be a boxer. If Senator Al Franken manages to get under his skin, Harry just might come out swinging this Year. Take the risk and get a bit o’ Harry.
- Mike Huckabee (BUY) – amazingly, SkinnyHuck is making the BigBucks. He’s charming, funny and a complete disaster on the issues. In other words, he’s golden on FOX News. BUY by the bushel.
- Mitt Romney (SELL) – the only politician actively campaigning for 2012. He will become a fixture on cable news to deliver the Republican’s single talking point on the economy (“it’s Obama’s fault”). Dump all your Romney. A share of him is more toxic than a bushel of Lieberman.
- Elliot Spitzer (BUY) – being an alleged do-gooder publicly disgraced by a stunning prostitute isn’t the most inglorious way to end a political career. After all, Spitz is already writing a column for “Slate” about ethics. Expect that rebranding to expand. It won’t be long before he’s all over the place, being considered a big brain with tragic insight. Especially after Ashley Dupre` breaks down and does her overdue million-dollar nude spread for a greasy porn mag in the next handful of months.
- Rod Blagojevich (SELL) – if ever there was a guy prepped to tell a reporter to “BLEEP off” during a live press conference, it’s Blago. He’s managed to go from tragedy to comedy right back to tragedy again. If life was a Scorsese film, he’d already have been popped. Essentially a penny stock. Still, dump all your Blago and remove guilt by association from your portfolio.

2008 in a Snapshot
- The worldwide economic meltdown. Massive housing depreciation. The collapsing American auto industry. A shady $700B Wall Street bailout. Unemployment spikes during the biggest hiring season of the Year. Gas and oil prices boomerang all over the place. Anarchy in the credit markets. Where will it end? No, seriously – I’m asking. Where does it end? Ba dump bum.
- The Detroit Lions managed to further depress Detroit unlike anything since the last Bob Seger reunion tour.
- Alaska and Hawaii were finally noticed the year before their 50th anniversaries of Statehood by the traveling campaign press corps. Which assignment do you think was more sought after? (Hint: pack a bikini, not a parka).
- Among those that passed away this Year were three of my personal favorite people – Paul Newman, George Carlin and Tim Russert. They will be missed.
- William Ayers and Joe the Plumber entered the political lexicon. One by slander, one by inexplicable ego.
- David Letterman showed just how funny he can still be when he piled on McCain’s imploding campaign.
- Robert Downey Jr. had more fun than anyone on the planet.
- Larry Craig's "wide stance" ruined a perfectly good bathroom in the Twin Cities airport.

Comeback of the Year
Pirates. No, not the Pittsburgh ones.

Quote of the Year
“That one.”

Trend of the Year
Vampires – Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight”, HBO’s “True Blood”, Vampire Weekend (my runner-up for Album of the Year), Tom Cruise’s rise from the dead only to return again to his crypt after the failure of “Valkarie”. The undead were everywhere. And I’m bloody sick of it.

A Few Picks for the Best o’ ‘08
- Movies - There are loads of new films I’ve not yet seen. But “Slumdog Millionaire” was the best movie I saw all year. I consider it the single most hopeful, romantic, allegorical story to counter the terrible tragedy that Mumbai suffered recently in real life.
- Music - Bon Iver (the pseudonym for the musician Justin Vernon and his collaborators) recorded the stunningly beautiful album “for Emma, forever ago” at a cabin in northern Wisconsin. The location arms me with an obvious bias. But if you can listen to this album and not consider the brilliance required to make magic in such sparse recording conditions you’ve not been to the same cabins that I grew up enjoying.
- Books - Richard Price’s novel “Lush Life” features hard-edged, distinctly real-feel dialogue that masterfully transports the reader to places they'd never knowingly choose on their own. Richard Price's work is good enough to whet the appetites of those still crestfallen now that “The Wire” is no longer on HBO.
- TV - “The Daily Show” continues to be the most essential show on any level. Sure, it’s a safe-sounding pick. But if anything else was on top of our TiVo recording list for 8-years running, it would have instead earned this accolade. And I believe Jon Stewart should have become the new moderator on "Meet the Press".
- Radio - Likewise, “This American Life” is essential radio listening. Especially in the case of two of their shows this Year dedicated to analysis of the economic meltdown. “The Giant Pool of Money” and "Another Frightening Show About the Economy". Both are infinitely better than any other economic reporting I saw during this difficult Year. Download the podcasts. Please.
- Sports - Michael Phelps swam like a dolphin. Maybe he's not a bad guy. But he’s becoming a Paris Hilton-like celebrity. Did anyone really think he was ready to host "Saturday Night Live"? Cancel that – the NY Giants winning the Super Bowl last January was the best sports moment of the Year.
- Killer App - Facebook became the single most effective way of locating largely-forgotten personal ghosts since the invention of the Private Eye. Sign up if you haven’t already done so. And crack out your old address books. You’ll be amazed who you’ll bump into. Maybe a bit scared, too.

2009 Largely Baseless Predictions
- Condi Rice comes out of the closet. Translation: she actually voted for Obama.
- Al Gore drops the whole global warming shtick for a more innovative new cause – hydroponics.
- Miley Cyrus starts dating Lindsey Lohan. The editorial offices of four tabloids soon thereafter spontaneously combust.
- New Orleans finally gets what it needs to begin a real recovery after Governor Bobby Jindal realizes he actually has a shot at the GOP nomination in 2012.
- Karl Rove shoots himself in the face on a hunting trip. The media rushes to indict Dick Cheney who was nowhere near Rove at the time, as evidenced by sworn statements that he was a 1000 miles away at the time shooting another man in the face. (Note: "Dick Cheney shoots someone in the face" predictions never get old)
- Ford buys GM and eliminates a bundle of divisions. Chrysler folds. But andthefamilybuick.blogspot.com survives and thrives. Check it out.
- The U.S. is truly, sadly the last foreign military presence in Iraq after Britian pulls out their last soldiers in the early summer. Widespread unwillingness to return for yet another tour of duty hobbles our military. We’re reluctantly down to 50,000 soldiers deployed there by 2010. Iraq becomes Bosnia. Translation: no one cares anymore as the World turns a deaf ear on yet another unresolved tragedy.
- Gitmo is closed and all prisoners are transferred to a prison in one of the reddest of red states. Oklahoma? Idaho? Wyoming? Utah? Yea, payback’s a bitch.
- Two new Supreme Court slots surface when John Paul Stevens and David Souter announce their retirements. Bill Clinton is spotted in Georgetown getting preemptively measured for a robe.
- The Gaza Strip is renamed the Gaza Smoldering Median.
- The Bush Legacy Project concentrates its energy on Phase One – a formal effort to change the pronunciation of "nuclear".
- The next Governor seized by scandal? Vermont’s Jim Douglas. It turns out that he’s been mislabeling his sugaring operation’s Grade B maple syrup as Organic Grade A maple syrup. His political career is OVER.
- The increasing wave of retail bankruptcies finally finds a way to make me smile – the nationwide decimation of high-end dog treat boutiques.

So where do we go from here? Forward (the official motto of the State of Wisconsin). I still find great reasons to have confidence in our Nation and I look to 2009 with focused, open eyes. May yours be a blessed Year ahead. Thanks for reading. Rock on.

Entering a new Era, without the annoying nicknames yet with actual humor? Yes we can.

I've heard a few weird reactions to Obama's first Prez-Elect presser - he was too cautious, he was too deferential, he made fun of Nancy Reagan. But largely, the verdict is sure. He is literally the best thinker on his feet in the game, surrounded by a burgeoning crowd of admirers. I've toned done my elation regarding the events of this week mainly to see how the transition played out. That's over. Barack Obama is an icon that nonetheless feels like a regular dude. His ability to make a self-deprecating moment (how he's a "mutt" just like most "shelter dogs") feel both folksy and poetic - I just can't top him. I won't deny that we're in a full-on turdstorm with crappy newsiness forecast beyond the unlimited horizon. But I challenge every one of you - how do you think the World would be looking at us right now if we'd chosen McCain/Palin? Be careful what you wish for was my regretful mantra after Dubya won in '04. My new mantra - be honest in what you wish for.

One quick review - I chose to run against the grain on Wednesday night and finally caught Oliver Stone's "W." with a mere handful of ironic Seattlites. My rating - a squishy C. Josh Brolin has been deservedly lauded for what he did running a surprisingly short gamut. Thadie Newton does a spot on Condi Rice. Jeffrey Wright is an overly hope-y-ish Colin Powell. No one stinks. But the one oft-repeated comment that I agree with is that it feels like a first draft. Or more accurately, the most rushed picture I've ever seen. Like Stone and his screenwriter cobbled it together over a bagful of FunSize candy, a case of Ketel One and a massive pile of cocaine on somebody's brother's yacht just off the Catalina Islands over a weekend in early June. Don't rent it. See it on cable. In like two months.

Hope your own economic conferences don't include Jim Cramer anytime soon. Or ever. Rock on.

Get serious, America!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

This Halloween Eve, McCain's got news for you - "you're all Joe the Plumber." Dang - I wanted to be Heatmiser again this year.

I'll not be the first to say so - Obama's infomercial last night was a bit puffy. Yet flat. Still, it works exactly as I expect was planned in this crazy final week. Each campaign is spending daily well over the $4M it cost for that half-hour in primetime. The replay effect is a well-worn consideration in the gaming of political advertising. I think Obama's big buy will get little full replay. But it surely realized the aim of dominating the discussion for at least a day's worth of blathering nonsense in these final daze. Once again, Obama has the best run operation I've ever seen in the history of post-modern campaigning. What do we get from McCain today to counter? An empty shout out to Joe the Plumber who wasn't even at the rally that McCain had to shlep 4000 schoolkids to in order to bump the numbers up to 6000. Watch for yourself.



Hope your own Barack O'Lantern are admired by all the neighbors today. Rock on.

Targeting '08 - "Shameless"

With just over one week to go before the Election, I can't hold back on a few predictions that may quite simply jinx the future of humankind. Call me impetuous. Or Satan. I answer to both.

Sarah Palin didn't lose the Election for John McCain. But she cut his percentage of the vote by at least 5%.

John McCain appeared on "Meet the Press" where he referred to Joe Biden as "Joe the Biden" and where he "fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, um..." struggled to remember the 5 Secretaries of State that had endorsed him. Eventually a frantic staffer off camera advised him that he'd forgotten George Shultz. Who McCain quickly called one of our greatest Secretaries of State EVER. If Bob Dole had looked this old and tired back in '96, someone would have institutionalized him.

Early voting patterns in such states as Georgia and Florida suggest that precincts with heavy African-American populations will shatter turnout records. Aside from the astonishing translation that other states like Mississippi and South Carolina are being reassessed for their competitiveness, one astonishing tertiary effect billows up. In short, incumbent Senator Saxby "Shameless" Chambliss may face a rare runoff election against his Dem opponent (Jim Martin) if neither crosses the 50% threshold on Election Day. Why should we care? Because we may be then facing a filibuster-proof majority election for the Dems a month after Election Day in an unprecedented showdown. And, not that any of us need to relive this indignity, the Bushies got Shameless elected to his only term thus far by tagging Max Cleland with an entirely baseless association with Osama Bin Laden back in '02. Confused? Trust me - if it goes down as I predict, we'll all know WAY too much about this race to discuss at length over our respective TurkeyDay gatherings.

Hope your own NFL teams are enjoying their bye week. Rock on.

If Ronald Reagan ever said "I screwed up" to Johnny Carson, do you really think he'd have had a career thereafter...

Two quickies.

John McCain on Letterman last night was an absolute clinic in how a glib politician trying to redirect his public persona can be made to look like an absolute boob. Dave earned even more respect from me than ever before by not allowing his questions to be steam-rolled by crappy talking points.

Maya has a new favorite video. If you missed the "Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals" skit from "Saturday Night Live" you missed a moment of hilarity that speaks for itself. Spot on impression, utter inanity, and cute animals - what's not to love? But even as this stupid clip gets more and more play, Maya cannot get enough. Every day - "can we watch that guy talk to the animals?" Every day - "yes, sweetie." Yet with all the repeated viewings...it's still funny.

Hope your own comedy routine before a white-tie crowd allows you to make a Superman joke today. Rock on.

Home Plumbing Tip #47 - Never trust a free estimate from a guy named Joe, political or otherwise.

OK - let's skin this lipsticked pig. Last night's debate was the first time - I really believe this - the FIRST TIME that we had a moment of clarity in the general election battle between Barack Obama and John McCain. Obama, as is his singular talent, kept his cool amidst plenty of flak thrown up at him. McCain blinked and blinked and blinked and grimaced and gave everyone the impression that he couldn't believe what he was hearing from his opponent. It was the race in a nutshell - both sides have issues, both sides have tactics. But there are two people herein trying to win your vote. If McCain won over anyone with his "Joe the Plumber" routine, they were onboard to begin with and only wanting to court extra attention. What about the "Joe the Software Designer" or "Joe the Janitor" or "Joe the Sex Worker" voters not being mentioned in this tiresome back and forth. Unfortunately, I still fear the systems that both run and analyze our elections. Yet I embrace said systems, with a truly unbridled heart. Obama is the most talented politician I've seen in my lifetime. If he loses to McCain after this exposure to their comparative shortcomings, I firmly believe that I will not believe in our Nation any longer. Maybe because I'll then begin to truly question what it is that I think as it relates to what my fellow citizens think. Everyone's got a vote. And everyone's gotta vote. Period. Thereafter, let the chips fall...

Hope your own plumber doesn't charge you today to talk smack about how he's such a straight-talker unlike you, Mr./Ms. Paying-the-Bill-Guy/Gal. Rock on.

"ThatOne '08" steps up to the plate

Everyone sees what they want from a debate, no matter what it actually looked like. So what I took from last night's debate is as firm as Madonna's ass. Obama was cool and collected. McCain will have his dickish "that one" comment hung on his image for the rest of his televised life. That's how these things work, people. Make a condescending remark and get stuck with it like a bug in your own personal amber 'til the end of days (shout out to Sarah Palin on that one). I've been wrong before. I believed that Obama's comment about Hillary that she was "likable enough" would haunt his efforts. As if it didn't. So maybe not so much wrong as vaguely off the mark. But McCain last night looked like the angry old man (that he is), scooting off the stage after not shaking his opponent's hand (debatable), and just plain looking pissed that he had to deal with the utterly stupid "Town Hall" format that his campaign tried to unilaterally demand be honored. I offer one chestnut that is too often forgotten about McCain - he reportedly drinks a dozen or so cups of coffee a day. How would that serve you in situations where you needed to be even keel in the late evening? I tossed and turned until the wee hours because of a single hot chocolate after Maya went to bed. I'm just sayin'...

Hope your own condescending remarks aren't watched by approximately 42% of the Nation today. Rock on.

Sarah Palin pals around with slednecks that couldn't even name one of the Weathermen besides Al Roker - which is worse?

The Brew Crew are done for the year. Philly looks pretty darn good and we just never got anywhere near hot. So it goes.

Of all the political ads that hit the wall like such a pile of mud, the latest Obama offering for whatever reason struck me as dead-on.


Maybe it's because, um, I'm totally in the tank for Barack. Or maybe because there's literally nothing to fact-check herein. For those that were hoping for a second Palin bump - hardy frickin' har. That moose has officially been hung and smoked.

One Maya nugget for those that read through all else for such details - she's got a new tagline that she using on both Sarah and me with regularity. "Let's talk about politics!" Seriously. It's not as scripted as our recent faux Marx Brothers routine (me/straightman: "What are you a Communist?", Maya: "No, I'm a Socialist."). But it absolutely kills. I think we'll take this one on the road. Keith Olbermann look out - you've got competition.

Hope your own Crew raises a Brew in tribute to me and you today. Rock on.

Contrary to earlier reports, this blog is not officially suspended.

I know, I know - I surely picked a loaded week of newsiness to not add anything to the mix. Sometimes even the most self-convinced among us take a few days off to thoughtfully consider just what's hit the country in the face like a flock of junebugs while hurtling along at 100 miles an hour on a motorcycle. I'll make it quick on a variety of points.

Last night's debate was a draw. Obama was calm and measured, to a possible fault. But McCain looked like the grumpy ol' cuss that we all know he truly is not so far beneath the surface. I take that back - McCain lost. Expect him to get all touchy-feelie next time out. Which will creep people out even more.

Sarah Palin's star has fallen. Incredibly so. Her interview this week with Katie Couric was the turning point, although I expect the zeitgeist had seen her as a mistake much earlier. The best evidence that she's no longer trusted by the McCain camp to open her mouth on camera? She didn't do a single interview after the debate last night. I think Biden was everywhere but on the Home Shopping Network. I imagine her in a missile silo in North Dakota right about now.

The Wall Street bailout is a turd wrapped in another far more expensive turd. Since I know as much as any other moron, I expect a complex mess to be passed in the middle of the week after World markets flop like a 40-pound catfish after a few days of doomsaying.

I also predict that McCain's next Hail Mary will be to vote against whatever form the bailout takes for final passage. That and getting Sarah Palin to appear in a "Maxim"-quality photoshoot sitting on his lap in the Oval Office. Oh wait, is that sexist. Sure. But she is truly only cosmetic and I couldn't care less about that charge anymore.

The Milwaukee Brewers now control their own destiny with two games remaining for both them and the Mets in the regular season. The Brew Crew's won 5 in a row. Ben Sheets is pitching hurt today. CC Sabathia is prepped to pitch on short rest tomorrow if need be. I'm cautiously optimistic.

Maya's been teaching us what's she's learned about the upcoming Rosh Hashanah holiday on Monday ("it's the New Year, Daddy"). Auntie Becca's in town for a weekender visit to also benefit from the education. Can't really say that I've got a shofar to blow. Whatever that means. But we're learning.

Hope your own teams don't inappropiately "blow the shofar" early this weekend. Go Brewers. Rock on.

Palin pales as the banks fail?

As the markets burn and the Bushies throw bailouts hither and yon, I'm certainly not alone in thinking the real short-term impact is on the race for Prezidunt. McCain's faltering at every opportunity. Palin's nowhere to be seen (I'd check the nearest Valentino store where I expect she'll be looking to return that slightly used $2500 blouse thingie she bought for her Convention speech). Obama's on the attack. Biden, too. And the polls, for what they're worth, are showing the margin shifting away from McCain/Palin. The first debate is next Friday. Six days after that, Palin and Biden go at it. I expect that countless opinionmeisters with a soapbox to use will begin to seriously doubt the wisdom of choosing an untested Governor from Alaska just prior to this upheaval. Nonetheless, I'm waiting for some GOP hacks to start saying that the Dems somehow manufactured this meltdown in our Nation's financial sector. Because if you're going to throw every imaginable mudpie at the wall to see what sticks, you might as well mix in a few more up-to-the-moment conspiracy theories.

All of this focus on losing a few trillion dollars has certainly taken the Nation's eye off another big story - the shocking demise of the Milwaukee Brewers. They fired their manager, Ned Yost, in the most uncivil fashion with just 12 games left in the regular season. They are no longer in the lead for the Wild Card slot in the playoffs. They may have lost pitcher Ben Sheets for the remainder of the season last night. Sure, they've got Robin Yount back in the dugout as the replacement Bench Coach. But at this point I think he's only good for mustache grooming tips. I'm not giving up - they did win last night in Chicago after needing to use 7 relief pitchers after Sheets had to leave the game. Interim Manager Dale "Yes, My Name is Spelled Correctly" Sveum got a beer shower after his first victory in that role. But I'm beginning to think about getting that tattoo removed if they miss the post-season again this year...

Hope your own markets are fully stocked with loads of organic veggies today. Rock on.

Suggested retort #273 - Apply lipstick judiciously if you intend to actually speak to others.

Last night we had a neighborhood block party. Nice folks, typically well-informed (this is Seattle, after all), armed with all manner of kids and smiles and interesting retorts. I guess I'm just an elitist since I believe that whenever I get into a head-shaking conversation about politics out here the discussion of "tactics" and "spin" becomes a lament that could be equally shared over the beer keg back in my childhood home in Northern Wisconsin. When the out of context attacks come out in a campaign of this magnitude, all bets are off. So I offer a new level of outrage today when it comes to how the McCain campaign is trying to swift boat Barack Obama. "Lipstick on a pig" is now sexist? Not when McCain said the same thing about front-running Hillary Clinton in October (!) of last year, or the times since? The wheels are coming off this thing. Time for the gloves to do so, too.

Sarah Palin has the ultimate glass jaw. She won't take questions. Attacks work and that's all we're getting from McCain's brain trust for the foreseeable future. If the egocentric journalists that pride themselves on access do nothing to bemoan how Palin is barricaded from questioning with less than two months until the election...well, they are abject failures that discredit their profession. Pressure obviously needs to come from somewhere else. Herein is the best argument for a grassroots movement I've seen in my lifetime. Cut the crap. Answer some questions. Period.

Hope your own attack ads are at least as much fun as something for Grand Theft Auto today. Rock on.

And maybe throw in a "please, God, give someone - anyone besides Charlie Gibson - the chance to ask Sarah Palin a question before time runs out"

First up - sports. The Green Bay Packers won a big opener last nite against the Minnesota Vikings. There was plenty of sloppy play, but Aaron Rodgers certainly performed better than I expected. Which means that NFL fans across the Nation will continue to debate the soap opera that is Brett Favre's breakup with the Pack. Because, in case you were in a cave all weekend and didn't see the highlights, Favre had an equally great first game as a New York Jet. Tom Brady's out for the year, the Chargers got spanked harder than Jessica Simpson after a Cowboys rout, the Colts look as old as a Sarah Palin-free John McCain rally in a diner, and everyone else still has hope since it's only the first week of the Season. Ah, football. Smells like America without a Bush in the White House.

Secondly in the same vein - the Brewers are swooning. They still lead the National League Wild Card race by 3 games over the Phillies. Less than 20 games left in the Season for everyone. If you've got a few dollars left after contributing everything you can to Barack Obama, please buy a bratwurst and say a prayer for Milwaukee. Not one of those "pray away the gay" prayers from Sarah Palin's church. A prayer that may actually do something. If you believe in that cut of jib.

Hope your own home teams have plenty of good seats miraculously available. Rock on.

Hurricane Bristol hits the radar

There's literally no way for me to understate how bad a pick I believe Sarah Palin is/was/will be in retrospect. Because I guarantee each and every one of you that she is out. The question I expect John McCain to hear re-spun at every turn until the Palins are thrown under the bus on the way back to Alaska is obviously as follows:

"Did you know that your pick for Vice President had an unmarried 17-year-old daughter who was 5 months pregnant when you introduced them to the Nation last Friday?"

Good luck with that whole "every child is a miracle" spin. Any teen pregnancy is an unfortunate turn of events. Unless, of course, you're a member of a barren royal family living prior to the 19th Century. Or a member of a polygamist sect trying to repopulate rural Texas. Seriously people - this is the Governor/mother/woman you want a heartbeat away from the most powerful job on the planet? She was willing to put her 17-year-old daughter through this inevitable onslaught of coverage? Or maybe she thought the world wouldn't figure it out (wink, wink)? Unbelievable. One thing's for sure, though. Dan Quayle's karmic stock rose more today than any time since 1992. Not. The. Worst. Pick. Ever...Anymore.

One quick review - Sarah and I saw "Tropic Thunder" last night. I'm always skeptical when it comes to parody. I've seen a wide range of reviews. But here's what you need to know - it's hilarious. Tom Cruise's extended cameo steals the show (if you don't laugh watching him dance over the closing credits, you have no soul). Robert Downey Jr. is hugely entertaining. The "full retard" joke that got some groups all steamed is one of the funniest conceits in recent years. Yes, yes - I get the whole "Hollywood satirizing itself is soooo over" meme. My rating is nonetheless a rare A-minus. Check your ability to be offended at the door. And soak up the silliness.

Hope your own barren ranch is within an hour of your overly-hyped disaster planning bunker today. Rock on.

Insert your own "in favor of drilling" joke here

We-eh-eh-el...Sarah Palin is about to be introduced as McCain's running mate. Rawr. I don't know what the hotties see in the crusty ol' fella, but he must be doing something right. But the real point here is that all she brings to the table is strong conservative positions on abortion and gay marriage. So we've seen the general election hand being played by McCain's brains - run ANOTHER race based entirely on an extreme social agenda. Two years ago she was the part-time mayor of Wasilla, Alaska (population 5,500). She's got her own TrooperGate to start explaining time and time again. She was the runner-up Miss Alaska 1984. She has 5 kids - the oldest is in the military and heads to Iraq in September, the youngest has Down's Syndrome and is 4 months old. Her hubbie ("the First Dude" as she calls him) works for BP on Alaska's North Slope. And if elected, she will step into the role currently held by Dick Cheney. Check your disaster supplies, Nation. It could be a long, dark night coming down the pike.

Hope your own choices today are based on something other than sexy eyewear. Rock on.

Please wake me when it's time to be an artful dick again.

OK, OK - I get it. All the bloggers in the world are fixated on the Democratic National Convention in Denver this week. And, yes, everyone worth a stray pixel or a binary bitch fit has something to say about what they've "observed". But you know what? I'm not going to go there. Sure, I've watched more coverage than you (sorry, it's true). I've bored my wife and daughter to tears with blow-by-blow commentary on why things appear to be going well but not too well, doncha know. Still, I'm sick of this whole charade. The Clintons forever lost me at their most recent invocation of "hello, we believe in the votes of 18 million Americans". McCain's Veep pick lamer-than-all-lame counterpunches rollout tomorrow is a joke I just can't bring myself to laugh at anymore. And Barack's big speech tonight? Well, I just hope he realizes how much I'm waiting for a fart joke or tasteless "Mile High Club" reference. Because otherwise...I don't know if I'll be able to bring myself to blog about anything until the start of the NFL Season. Or if Larry Craig gets caught doing a reach around in the Senate shower.

Hope your own ability to type through the hopeful boredom is stronger than my own. Rock on.

Up next - Bob Barr picks a bust of Ronald Reagan as his running mate.

As I predicted along with much of the punditocracy, Obama chose Biden as his Veep. So let the bullshite commence. McCain's people are digging holes as fast as they can fling the dirt. Everyone's using a Dems debate clip wherein Biden says that Obama's not yet ready to be the Big Guy. Also, calling this a pick made from a position of weakness on Obama's part figures into every right-leaning assessment. Yawn. Sure, Obama went conventional in this pick. He had to. All the oxygen will now be sucked from the race for the next handful of days as the Dems put on their best face in Denver. Thereafter, the real race begins. The GOP will never admit it, but they face a much more complex calculus with regard to whomever McCain picks as his Veep. I simply cannot believe that it will be Romney. Even though I hope it's him. If it's Tim Pawlenty (R-Gov., Minnysoda) who's so boyish-looking that Neil Patrick Harris could be his twin brother...well, they just won't go there. So here's my pick. It's a stealth longshot, I admit. Charlie Crist (R-Gov., Florida). He'll clinch a big state that the GOP desperately needs for any hope this time out. "Chain Gang Charlie's" tan is impeccable. His recognition outside of the South is currently minimal. Most people will probably think he's that character actor (John Slattery) from "Mad Men" who played the guy that wanted Carrie to pee on him in a classic episode of "Sex and the City". Personally, I think Tom Ridge is the man to pick since he'd bring Pennsylvania home for the GOP - another big pivot state in the electoral map sense of the race. But the crazies won't allow Ridge to complete the ticket because he's the slightest bit pro-choice. As in he believes that rape and/or incest is reason enough to not go through with a pregnancy. If we've learned anything since the Bushies stole the election in 2000, it's that the crazies are the loudest voice in the tent for the GOP. So call it Crusty and Cristy. Remember, you heard it here first.

Maya's first week of swim class went, um, swimmingly. She's timid, but much less afraid to get in the splash and flow of things after just 5 mornings of lessons. One more week to go. Plus next Saturday is her last ballet class. Up next? I'm lobbying for either motorcycle repair or jarts. I'll keep you posted. Hope your own summer calendar isn't winding down quite yet. Rock on.

Next question: "How can we ever respect a President that gets pimped by a 300-pound mega-preacher?"

I'm admittedly not out front on this - Joe Biden will be Obama's Veep Pick. I'll bet you a dollar. I'll get into my rationale more this week. But the way things stacked up over the past handful of days with regard to Russia's assault on Georgia and the various McCain campaign's talking points upticking claims of experience versus judgment...the Obama Veepstakes are over. Especially because Biden's currently in Georgia. The Nation not the State. I still believe that Bill Richardson's a better pick given what he might mean for the Electoral Map (New Mexico, Colorado, Florida, anywhere near a Mexican restaurant or goatee groomer). Regardless, there's no better current way to contrast an old foreign policy self-assured hack than with another old foreign policy pontificating-hack viable and vetted for the Veep slot. Lock it in your Filofax - this week Biden gets the nod. If not...well, what do I know.

Hope your own mega-church conversations today deal entirely with how you want to shut those reprehensible places down. Rock on.