Mush!

Crater? To quote Paul on Letterman - "I didn't even know her." If you've got money in anything other than your mattress, the news of market collapses worldwide is pretty frickin' scary. I've got my own spin. But I think we all need something else right now. Aside from a hug. So here's a few suggestions.

Oliver Stone appeared on "The Colbert Report" last night. I was stunned by "Platoon" and "Salvador" didn't suck. Still, he's been an incoherent boob for years. Almost everyone wants his new movie "W." to be interesting. Or terrible. Like everyone aside from your third cousin Morrie who works in LA, I haven't seen it yet. But his interview was hilarious.

Lance Mackey is the two-time defending Champ of the Iditarod sled dog marathon. He went to high school with Sarah Palin. Seriously. And he has a new reality show on the Discovery Channel that premieres next week. Who cares. Who cares? Ironically, me. He was on Conan O'Brien last night and his honest sweetness and dorky forthrightness utterly slayed me. That dog can do more than hunt.

Hope your own atonement was enough to make you realize that Gordon Gecko was so, so obscenely ahead of his time that someone should send Michael Douglas a CookieGram made out of dog poo today. Rock on.

Not to mention just how frickin' stupid Steve Forbes was in retrospect

Leap Day. What a horribly ironic name to be invoked on a day when the American stock markets get everyone headed for the windowsills. Overstated fearfulness? Assuredly. But if you want a more appropos sign of just how screwed we all might be by our departing flag-bearers, look only toward Dubya's presser yesterday when he denied the possibility of a recession while playing dumb (!) when it came to the utterly realistic suggestion of $4/gallon gas in the upcoming months. Superlatives will no longer suffice. This man is the dumbest public personage in the history of this Nation. Even if Warren Harding and Jim (Christopher Lloyd) from "Taxi" are graded on a curve.

In decidedly brighter news, Maya turned 3 this week. Her yearly medical check-up tagged her beefy, tall and ready to bring the hammer down if need be. Or just plain thriving. We hope y'all are equally bolstered by recent medical exams. Rock on.