"I'm not mad. I'm just pointing."

"I'm not mad at you. I'm just pointing."
Originally uploaded by emaggie.

Whenever we have a problem with our new phones, we know who to ask for guidance.

Maya gets just a bit too much of how the whole world of cell phones operates.
Originally uploaded by emaggie.

Bear spots while Maya takes the helm of "I Am A Bunny"

Bear spots while Maya takes the helm of "I Am A Bunny"
Originally uploaded by emaggie.

FINALLY - I can check "Write review of The Dwarves show at the Croc" off my lifetime "To Do List"

Ah, yes - the weekend before the weekend before the Midterm Elections. Can you sense the excitement America? Well, in that case you're probably hopeful. Or terrified, depending on your political persuasion. Me? Confused as hell. I watch and read more than a family of political lowland gorillas. And I'm still only sure of how I'll vote. Yup, straight anti-LaRouche ticket. As ever. So I'll instead move on to other things.

The Cards won the World Series. In essence, 713,247 out of 227 million baseball fans (I'm estimating) are psyched about this year's October blandfest. And since the last time the Cards won was in '82 when they beat Real America's Team (the Brew Crew) and crushed my junior high aged heart...well, baseball's dead to me for the year when it comes to talking about these guys. Congrats. Now shut up. And vote McCaskill.

Maya's developing a strong appreciation for physical comedy. And since I'm the only comic she's familiar with, I'm feeling a bit thrashed about after the past week. Unfortunately, she caught some sort of stealth bug Monday nite and essentially spent the next few days whimpering while hopefully whining "Perform for me, Daddy!" So I did what any sucker would and ran my gag reel repertoire to the limit. And I got to work on my impressions of Sesame Street characters. Let's just say that my Ernie continues to kill. Yet aside from the occasional unintentional headbonk thanks to our incredibly irritating dining room light, I can't say that I'm planning to keep this routine up. Regardless, all you Maya fans should know that a pratfall will surely be the best way to win her heart next time you see her.

I've still not put up a review of the rock and roll show I saw last weekend. The Hold Steady. At the Crocodile Cafe in Belltown. My All-Time Favorite Club on the Planet. The space sucks. The drinks are hardly stiff enough for a place so steeped in musty edginess. But I used to hold court with some of my favorite people in the World in the corner booth in the back bar area way back when-ish. So my bias is hard won. On this occassion, I went back on my own, expecting to be a fly on the wall and hopefully not in the ointment. No such luck. The Hold Steady is this particular moment's bar buzz band and they take their timing from said buzz. Translation: they didn't hit the stage until well after two hilarious openers had gotten us all impossibly tangled. Incredibly friendly crowd. Ironically reminded me of the time in '98 when I saw a guy blow The Dwarves bassist to end a set just before the headlining Cows came out and bombed like LBJ. Oh wait...am I still typing out loud? Anyhoo, the point is to say that The Hold Steady is insanely good at what they do. Great band, greater crowd. When's the last time you went to a concert where two incredibly nice, obviously straight guys you'd just met argued between themselves about who should buy you a beer? For me it was last Saturday. If you have the chance, be there whenever they come through town.

If you're still reading, you have my utmost thanks. I'm just wasting time, avoiding the bigger writing that needs me. Hope your own timelines allow such departures today. Rock on.

Maya test drives her new poofy pink chair during storytime.

Maya test drives her new poofy pink chair during storytime.
Originally uploaded by emaggie.

Maya continues to ask. But, no, Bear is not what's for dinner. Tonight.

Maya continues to ask. But, no, Bear is not what's for dinner. Tonight.
Originally uploaded by emaggie.

Maya's eyes are generally only as big as her fork.

Maya's eyes are generally only as big as her fork.
Originally uploaded by emaggie.

"Dear Listeners, Alex Keaton never would have gone all nimbly bimbly like that, would he?"

Too many political stories. Too little time. A few quick drive-bys while Maya hopefully naps a bit longer.

Tennessee just got a whole lot less civil with what might be this Election's Tackiest yet Most Hilarious, Worst Intended and Most Glaringly Racist Ad. Put together by the RNC against Harold Ford. It implies that because Ford's single, hot and has admitted to liking women, white Playboy Mansion chicks dig him. As if that's suddenly a bad thing in Tennessee. But the white chick aspect is really turning up the negative heat in that race.

If you haven't yet entered an Election pool this season (all the kidz are doing it), I suggest the Washington Post's Midterm Madness. Yes, that's how goshdarn American this Midterm has become - they've stolen the bracket sensibilities of the NCAA Basketball Tourneys. Yet another reason why the churchy hillbilly vote ain't gonna have as much sway this year, I reckon.

The whole Michael J. Fox vs. Rush Limbaugh debate of who's on what medication is really quite entertaining. Of course Rush is a complete facade who wouldn't know the proper use of medication if he had it tattooed inside his eyelids. But the fact that's he's digging in and defending his criticism of Fox's Parkinson's symptoms is creamy political nougat. The gross kind that is unavoidably delicious. For the unacquainted, this one, um, stems from a stem-cell initiative in Missouri that's partially hijacked the race between Talent (R-Incumbent) and McCaskill. Great race to watch.

Nap time might be ending. Thanks for checking in. Hope all your tics are unnoticed today. Rock on.

"We now call it 'compassionate cutting and no child left behind running'..."

Everyone's kicking the War Over Iraq ugly can of worms further down the road today. The absurdity of "stay the course" now being banned sloganeering by the Bushies should float to the top of this slurry. But the press conference that Gen. Casey and Ambassador Khalilzad gave this morning will be today's buried lead. They've now put a date on our withdrawal - 12 to 18 months. They blamed the Iraqis for not sending enough troops to Baghdad. They blamed Iran and Syria for everything else. And in the midst of the presser, the power went out. In the Green Zone. Since the Bushies so firmly believe in imagery and love to stage the stuffing out of any event, the fact that this presser went so off the tracks with our two top dudes on the dais...well, even Barney the Dog can see that this whole mess is swirling toward the drain. Plus much more menacingly, someone's now got an American soldier as a prisoner. Poor kid's awaiting whatever sort of torture payback we can expect from here on out thanks to the idiocy of Dubya's torture stance. If you've got something else to focus on today, do so. On our end, Maya woke up with a fever and is essentially strapped to my side all day. But we're gonna make it fun (forced smile)...

Hope you own clouds have sparkling silver innards all day. Rock on.

Go Pack Go. Or, more appropriately, Go Please Back to the Drawing Board Pack Go!

Gotta put up something on the Packers, even though the mere mention of this Season's quagmire hurts. I'll watch every game until I die - don't get me wrong. DirecTV's NFL Sunday Ticket is my most cherished annual purchase. But even the most irrational NFL fan would agree that this Packer squad is an abject failure. Of imagination. Of inspiration. Of everything. We appear to be entering the post-Favre-era with a boundless desert of despair ahead of us. Hope everybody packed extra longjohns 'cause it could be a LONG cold streak. To pick at entrails a bit, I just saw the intro screen that finally made me realize we're starting an offensive line with three rookies and a second-year guy at center. A solid 'Sconi guy - Mark Tauscher - completes the squad. But one Badger does not a well-protected den make. How small-story sad that what had been the basis of the previous Packer success (big line, run the crap out of sweeps, keep Favre/Starr covered at all costs) is now quite possibly our most glaring flaw. Sure, rookies can surprise you. But the Pack's rooks are named Tony Moll, Jason Spitz and Daryn Colledge. Daryn Colledge. Two spelling mistakes in one lug's name. And he's our Left Tackle. We're so screwed.

Hope your own depth charts are stunning in their, um, depth today. Rock on.

Today's bonus post - classic Rummie. Scaring the shite out of rational people since before Vietnam was a political liability...

You'll need to scroll down to the near basement of this story to catch the buried lead. On Iraq, Rummy is entirely out of the barn and unrecoverable for the Bushies. Craziest bastard anywhere NEAR power since Alexander Haig had a cubicle in the West Wing early in Reagan's first term. No wonder so many with so much are now doing everything possible to jetison this guy with 5 years of garbage barnacled to his backside. I'll just pull that buried lead to add the emphasis to my lament. This is what Rummy said yesterday in response to a question about...oh hell, no one knows what he's saying or why anymore. Just read it and weep:

"There’s no doubt in my mind but that some of those projections we won’t make; it will be later, or even earlier in some instances. And in some cases, once we meet the projection, we may have to go back and do it again.”

Hope the progress you're making today has a handful less caveats attached. Rock on.

"It's all about exposure, Jay. And pressing the flesh. But funny. Because I love people."

The race for Guhvahnar of Cullyforneeya is over. Ahnold triangulated in meritorious fashion. Phil Angelides is as inspiring as a dusty potted plant. Yawnsville. But we've now got a story from that race worth Googling or otherwise - Mary Carey's demanding equal time on Leno's horribly hackneyed "Tonight Show". I say give it to her. The woman's earned it. Have the Teddy Kennedys and Mitch McConnells of the current political class "lost weight, replaced their teeth, and gotten new breast implants" for us - the American people? Well, maybe McConnell. That bitch will do anything to get elected. Kinda like the kid that will eat anything for a dollar. Nonetheless, gotta give Carey her due, Jay. Have Charlie Sheen on the same show. That's pure chemistry. The snarky non-jokes write themselves, babe.

For those wondering of Maya's exploits with the Lutherans in the mornings during the week, let me just say that she's entirely happy there. We call it "school" and whenever we suggest to Maya in the morning that we go to school, she's in whole hog. There are certainly a few odd ducks in the mix, both kids and workers-wise. More mullets per capita than you'd imagined possible at this point in Civilization's march forward. But they do a dang fine job. One side note: I noticed the occasional depiction of comical Jesus playing with all the children of the World. Personally, I'd like to see a more multicultural mix with all the proper shout-outs to the World's religions. The Pope, Bob Marley, Tom Cruise - hell, everyone gets a cartoonish charicature in my agnostic middleground. Aside from that oversight, the Lutherans are doing just fine by Maya. Who, by the way, took a hardcore digger off her trike this morning when I was distracted by a quartet of Gawd Squad folks (ironic, isn't it...) coming up the street. Luckily, we weren't moving. Unluckily, Maya likes to steer even when we're standing still. In this instance, she lost her grip on the handlebars. Went down like an upended pot roast. Splat. Cut her lip a wee bit. Made me look like the World's Worst Dad. But got the evangelicals to keep on keepin' on down the Street. So it's sort of a lose-lose-win. Regardless, Maya rallied in no time with a bit of banana and some attention to her boo boo as the owner's manual suggested. Easy peasy in no time. The kid's a champ.

Hope your own tumbles are more comical than destructive today. Rock on.

Tony Snow gives the entire Nation some serious head

Today's unintentionally revealing story - White House Press Secretary Tony Snow has a honkin' bald spot back up yonder. His lame attempt at exasperated humor during today's briefing lead to the following screen capture:



But much more baldly ludicrous was the way he was trying to discredit yesterday's military assessments of our burgeoning mess in Baghdad. There was a time that Tony Snow was a curious figure - leaving a high-paying gig firmly entrenched within the biggest den of koolaid drinkers in the Land for an upfronter that Scott McLellan made look less fun than quail hunting with the Veep. So I think I've determined what made Tony do it. He's hiding something. Up top, in his velvety spew, all the way through and through. Watch him. I don't think this revelation will be Tony's last.

Hope your own vaguely paranoid conjectures sound plausible today. Rock on.

Keith Olbermann has ginormous nads

OK, folks. The midterm election din of debate is reaching a crazy level. I could spend all day throwing meat at the lions like so many squawking heads out there are doing. But I'm thinking about dialing back the political commentary for the next few weeks. I know I affect far too many people and maybe as the Bushies love to spew, we all should "let history judge for itself. "

On second thought...absolutely not. Case in point, here's something everyone should watch. For those of you that have heard me pontificate on Dubya's torture bill lately (apologies, all around) the suspension of the writ of habeas corpus has my oysters steamed like never before. The fact that this utterly wrong seachange in our Nation's system of laws has been buried in the muck otherwise being tracked around is an atrocity. To his burgeoning credit as a leading voice, Keith Olbermann delivered this stunning piece upon that very issue. No punches are pulled, I guarantee you. It'll take you 10 minutes to watch the whole clip. In all honesty, I hear more Edward R. Murrow in Olbermann everytime he opens his mouth these days.

Hope your own impressions are equally heartfelt today. Rock on.

Oh, and Newt's fat. And sort of pink. And was trained in France to look for truffles...

Time to redirect the Nation. I feel it's my duty, on occasion. But first of all, a few corrections.

My earlier review of the new Beck album (The Information) was all wrong. It is sensational. If anyone took my prior snap judgment seriously, please reconsider. My new rating - a solid, guilt-free A-Minus.

My earlier review of The Hold Steady's album (Boys and Girls in America) stands. But I missed a major point of reference, as was pointed out by Sarah when she got back from a run with the iPod. I'd referenced The Replacements. She hears Husker Du. Everyone should. And while those of us that can somewhat parse the minutia from the Minneapple's legendary scene-dom will certainly see the difference, I'd nonetheless be remiss if I didn't point out the striking sound similarities. Or, put another way, "way cool album."

One new review of note - Scott Smith's suspense thriller "The Ruins" sat largely untouched on my bedside following a Stephen King rave a few months back. I finally got focused on it over the weekend. It's flawless. Scary as hell. And since his prior novel "A Simple Plan" so confidently made the leap to the big screen with Sam Raimi's help, I expect this movie will scare the beejeezus out of the masses in a few years. Beat 'em to the punch. Read it now. My rating - a rare solid A.

Newsiness-wise, I'll let everyone else fall all over themselves trying to track what's going down in the midterm election lead-up. Predictions are for suckers. So here's mine - Dems pull down two dozen-plus seats in the House and put Murtha in the Speaker's office. Pelosi becomes Majority Leader. The Senate's the real quagmire, though. Dems pick up six seats, lose one. Santorum, Talent, DeWine, Burns and Allen all lose. Ford wins Frist's old seat in TN. But Menendez in NJ loses to Keane Junior who's just riding on his Dad's 9/11 Commission coattails anyways. Lieberman's back as a castrated Indie. Sanders takes over confidently 900 yards to the Left of the pre-Alzheimer's Jeffords. And who's left with the tie-breaker vote? Dick "Big Time" Cheney. Meanwhile, Waxman begins the investigations into the rationale for going to war in Iraq given his new supeona powers as Chairman of the House Goverment Reform Committee. Smoke a little bit of THAT future, if you will.

Much more importantly, I'd like to draw added attention to the passing of Gerry Studds (D-MA, former U.S. Rep) over the weekend. After Foley blew up all over the faces of the GOP attack monkeys, they invoked Studds's name repeatedly for the controversy that arose 10 years after Studds had a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old page. Studds went on to become a big gay rights activist, especially because he'd been forcibly outted and was able to continue serving as a Rep from the Cape Cod and nearby district of Massholedom. The GOP attack monkeys were of course hateful and wrong wrong wrong in their attempt to pass the buck for the current scandal of covering up for this Foley creep. But the fact that they did it so blatently and then Studds dies so sadly this past weekend...I mean you just owe it to yourself to read at least one good obit on the guy. If Foley's own obit someday features the sort of obvious growth and achievement after years of embracing his homosexuality, then I'll eat some crow and say that I'm wrong about this. Until then, guys like Newt Gingrich are complete pigs who've wallowed in their own filth so long they can no longer discern the stench that has become their very essence. Exclamation point.

Hope your own exits from the room to do something as mundane as make a sandwich feature the same sort of self-administered high fives. Rock on.

"Daddy, does this mean I won't be your favorite anymore?"

"Daddy, does this mean I won't be your favorite anymore?"
Originally uploaded by emaggie.

Even the salmon waiting for the grill here in Seattle prefer the liberal media.

Even the salmon waiting for the grill here in Seattle prefer the liberal media.
Originally uploaded by emaggie.

Maya convinces Warren (visiting from Texas) that cookie dough tastes good in a Blue State, too.

Maya convinces Warren (visiting from Texas) that cookie dough tastes good in a Blue State, too.
Originally uploaded by emaggie.

"Yea, George, I guess I don't even notice the paparazzi anymore."

"Yea, George, I guess I don't even notice the paparazzi anymore."
Originally uploaded by emaggie.

"Mommy, try this. I dare you to tell me it doesn't taste like crap."

"Mommy, try this. I dare you to tell me it doesn't taste like crap."
Originally uploaded by emaggie.