My review: Gladly, "Sith" is not an unintended anagram

The fervor over the new "Star Wars" movie inspired us to hand over Maya to a babysitter yesterday and take the matinee plunge. Actually, Maya had two babysitters - the always loving and helpful Meg and Sherry, who unfortunately got Maya on one of those days when the bottle didn't appeal to her and her temperament was a bit more on the Anakin Skywalker side of the Force. They didn't seem to mind, though. So Sarah and I left our darling daughter for a handful of hours on a lovely Saturday afternoon and headed to the multiplex. Granted, we didn't see this latest geek-event-to-end-all-geek-events until a few days after it opened. But I was still hoping to see at least one nerd in a costume amidst all the other suburban sporty-gansta-wear and low-riding, circulation-destroying, 70s-throwback jeans. No such luck. Even though George Lucas has this Episode playing on 3661 screens nation-wide so that you can catch a screening every half hour at most googleplexes, we still had a well-over half-filled theatre around us at 1:10pm. Just before the movie began, a haggard father with three sugar-charged kids squeezed into our row. That meant that I got to sit right next to a 10-ish-year-old boy with encyclopedic "Star Wars" knowledge bubbling over, an overactive need to prove his mastery to his slightly older sister sitting next to him and absolutely no shame about his hyperactivity. It was perfect - the only way to see one of these bloated digi-dramas is in direct proximity to someone who actually is still mesmerized by it all. As far as the movie goes...I give it a B-minus. Hayden Christensen is horrid and George Lucas hasn't written natural-feeling dialogue since the Nixon administration. Natalie Portman works her butt off to add some life to her groaners, to only marginally-better effect. But she's a much better actor and I predict her foxy futuristic maternity wear will soon be seen in some of the swankier coffeehouses and urban spas near you. For my spacebucks, the real star is unquestionably Ewan McGregor who delivers all his throwaway shtick with enough swagger and smirking charm to make even Harrison Ford look like a wooden duck decoy in comparison. The rest of the character actors do what actors in these sorts of things usually do - maniacally try to wrestle some screen time from the special effects by chewing the scenery throughout. Less evocatively, Jimmy Smits looked confused and decidedly unstatesman-like for someone supposedly saving the future of the galaxy or something within a few parsecs of that intent. The little digital Yoda is wonderfully imagined but somehow tiresome (although Sarah saw some endearing bits o' Maya in him, so I'll defer to her opinion on his screen time). The other Jedis were as ineffective and easily disposed of as an entire cloned Army of Tom Daschles. But the saving grace of this and the other Lucas extravaganzas are the always fascinating new worlds conjured up to encompass a seemingly endless array of physical possibilites. A planet of Wookies that appears to be entirely clothing-optional. A planet of funky friendly dinosaurs and their fishy-faced masters. An endlessly erupting volcanic planet used as the stage for a steamy final battle between Obi Wan and Darth Vader. For all the other distractions and bad dialogue and underlying tortured love story that NEVER worked, the overall mythology of "Star Wars" works as prescribed in this Episode. And there are some unintentionally hilarious moments (especially Darth Vader's "Noooooo!" Franken-scream at the almost very end - don't worry, I've given away nothing). So if you care even a tiny bit about these sorts of movies, see it on the biggest screen available with all the junk food and good humor you can carry. We did and are glad to have done so. But be prepared for the fact that these are empty calories and you'll be hungry for something else just a few hours thereafter. Here endeth my revieweth.

Another gorgeous day in SF. We're doing a walking tour of the public murals in the Mission for a few midday hours later. A run in the Park before then. Hope y'all have similar Sunday fun awaiting. Rock on.