"Attention: Representative Whatshisface likes the BeeGees and once smoked a clove with a dwarf in Prague. YOU WERE WARNED."

Tough Friday news dump for the GOP. White House Press Secretary Tony Snow's resigning, Sen. Larry Craig is hanging on by a thread lit from both ends, Sen. John Warner's out of the race for his guaranteed re-election in '08, and it's not even the close of bizness on the East Coast. I hope someone's told Dubya his Party's ending while he clears brush or plans for Jenna's nups or whatever is on top of his agenda in Crawford. But if I held the briefing book, here are two oddballs I'd throw into the mix.

I'm currently shaped much more like my linebacker days, but I was also a competitive runner. Mitt Romney's no competitive runner. His new ad has more heavy breathing and odd pacing than geriatric porn. Watch it if you've over 21. Or rather, don't. He's such a fraud we shouldn't encourage further virility spoofs on his part.


The WashingtonPost today buried a little gem from the Green Zone in Baghdad that I'm sure will lead to a much larger story on the spin we'll be seeing over the next few months. Obviously, soldiers are being given bios of visiting Congresspersons to shade the stories told. Or maybe this is just part of a grander plan to encourage spitting in the food of certain dignitaries. It's a brief story, but so so damn worth reading. September will be a cloudy shitestorm of empty debate wrapped in a monstrous styrofoam layer of inpenatrable lies covered in truth-retardant goo. Just like Catholic school. Hey, don't blame me - I was raised a Methodist.

Hope your Labor Day weekend is heavy on the weekend, light on the labor. Rock on.

Infinitely more satisfying than a KFC "failure pile in a sadness bowl"

I'm a big fan of Keith Olbermann. His "Countdown" is the best news show on the TeeVee, bar none. He calls out everyone on their rank hypocrises. And does it with flair. Blah blah blah. But what one of his producers did last night with the Larry Craig shamefest reached a new level of virtuosity. Watch it. Now.




One quickie review - Patton Oswalt is my favorite comedian. He's smart, surprising, perfectly-timed, my age and he did volunteer performing/fundraising work with 826 Valencia in San Francisco where I also volunteered. His latest comedy album has been my default CD in the car for the last few weeks. "Werewolves and Lollipops" is not for the easily offended, of which I am certainly not one. My rating - a solid A. Not since Steve Martin's comedy albums loomed large in my pre-teen years have I replayed comedy this often to gauge the timing and intellect of the delivery. Seriously. Buy it. Now.

Hope your own wide stance is productive today. Rock on.

Never forget

As the bleak anniversary of the debacle short-handed as Katrina is overly spun, I hope we all take a minute to cut through the PR blitz. Make that two minutes if you watch this often overlooked piece from the BBC. Dubya should be chased down those now vacant streets in so many areas of New Orleans by a rampaging crowd with pitchforks.


Hope your own levees aren't topped today. Rock on.

Focusing on the trees 'cause the forest scares the crap out of me

Gonzo's gone. So? Screw that guy. The only ones that lose in this overdue turn from that infamous worm are the people that dedicated their lives to the Justice Department and the larger practice of protecting the Constitution. But who cares - it's August so let's get straight to the tabloid crap!

Senator Larry Craig has done us all a favor by getting busted for cruising in the Twin Cities - we now all know to avoid taking a "wide stance" in a stall and that putting your luggage by the door to block the view is a dead giveaway to the cop that might be faking a dump session nearby. I for one will hereafter never even bolt the door. Thanks, Larry. You deserve another one of them Medals of Freedom that Dubya seems to be willing to toss around like so many Mardi Gras beads.

If you haven't yet seen the stunning and stunningly dumb Miss Teen South Carolina's answer to an utterly inane question at the pagent, you obviously have a life. But put that aside for a minute and revel in the syrupy stink of too much time spent putting on makeup, not enough time reading anything other that Nutrasweet packaging.


Sadly, Owen Wilson appears to have had a breakdown that according to his publicists certainly couldn't have been a desperate cry for help. I say sadly because I honestly find him to be a talented actor and writer. In personal terms, I had the distinct pleasure of meeting his parents in Dallas at my neighborhood coffeeshop the day after "Shanghai Noon" opened. Sarah and I'd seen it just the night before and loved it. His Mom was wearing a shirt festooned with the movie's title and when I asked about it they practically burst into song describing Owen and Luke and Andrew and their seemingly bastard son Wes. They were the sort of parents that made you instantly believe breeders can't be all bad. I've never forgotten that 15-minute conversation and I've joked of it often to friends and family since. Here's hoping that Owen gets real healthy real soon. Rock on.

Who would think that this mess...

Who would think that this mess...
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Could become this beauty.

Could become this beauty.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

After only a few thousand profanities and a few dozen threats to throw the whole operation over the edge of the deck, we be grillin'. Please feel free to invite yourself over for a demonstration of our new platform's mastery.

"Yo. Wearin' shades on the flipside iz so Seazizzle."

"Yo. Wearin' shades on the flipside iz so Seazizzle."
Originally uploaded by emaggie

The grill awaits, yet I'm still here...

I'm way off my usual game. New house distractions abound. And for those that have voiced discontent in my intermittent posting, I agree. I am losing focus. So before I put together our new grill (!!!), I want to weigh in on a few issues...

Dubya's speech to the VFW this week was without overstatement THE BIGGEST TRAVESTY IN THE HISTORY OF REVISIONISM. As the most famous draft dodger in the history of our Nation, you'd think he'd shy away from trying to tell us what we all missed in that debacle. In all honesty, I've been so pissed about his speech that I've purposely not posted anything the last few days. So at least he's got that going for him.

Robert Murray (the disgraceful coal baron that has had more underserved media exposure than a boatload of Paris Hiltons) is about to be served up like a retreat-mined turkey. This guy had me mad at "hello". And as soon as you can say "heckuva job, Brownie" the recess appointment of Richard Stickler is looking like yet another moment where all Americans should be shaking not only their heads in reaction to what the loyal Bushies are doing to phuck with everything before their last 17 months in power are left to History to deride. Speaking of which, it's now legal to blow up mountains in Appallacia and let the crap rain down on the rivers. Woo-whee!

Michael Vick should hereafter be doomed to starring in "The Longest Yard" sequels. He'll have time enough to do a bundle.

For those looking for reviews, here's a few quickies. "The Simpsons" was hilarious, but at best a solid B. "Mad Men" is far and away the best new show on the TeeVee (solid A rating). The Milwaukee Brewers are lovable but should be almost unassailably doomed were it not for the collective crappiness of the Cubs and Cards. Barack Obama is becoming the shallowest man in politics (although I still support him). The newly downsized NYTimes is too small for me to read comfortably on an elliptical trainer at the gym, so it sucks. And even though the American real estate market is more phucked than Lindsay Lohan's insurability, we love our new home. Hope y'all can visit sometime soon, if you call ahead and get a cavity search. Rock on.

For those interested in seeing our new home, Maya has been selected to provide the first tour of some exterior highlights.

For those interested in seeing our new home, Maya has been selected to provide the first tour of some exterior highlights.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Maya reacts to the news that she drew the short straw on doing the landscaping out front.

Maya reacts to the news that she drew the short straw on doing the landscaping out front.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

"Daddy, why don't madras ties from the 80s clean shoes that well?"

"Daddy, why don't madras ties from the 80s clean shoes that well?"
Originally uploaded by emaggie

She may not be dressed for yard work. But Maya's still game.

She may not be dressed for yard work. But Maya's still game.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Maya contemplates her new playhouse. Which she'll be old enough to climb up into herself at the end of Barack Obama's Second Term.

Maya contemplates her new playhouse. Which she'll be old enough to climb up into herself at the end of Barack Obama's Second Term.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Maya christens our new deck with a faceplant.

Maya christens our new deck with a faceplant.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Jenna, Karl and Maya - to hereafter never be linked again

Wow. August. Who knew so much could happen while Dubya was on another vacation. For those playing catch-up, here's a spare few notes from just the last few days.



Jenna Bush is engaged. To this tool. So the surge is working.

Karl Rove left D.C. to spend more time screwing up his family's future.

And our darling Maya is diggin' her new digs. So my vacation from regular posting is over. Basically. Well, after we head down to Santa Barbara this weekend for a wedding. Maya's psyched to make a sandcastle on the beach. I'm psyched to take a break from unpacking boxes. And I hope y'all are psyched that the fall is right around the corner. Rock on.

A bridge back to a happier past...

For those paying attention, I've taken a few weeks off from regular posting. Miss me? No worries - we just bought a house and are in the process of moving with every intention of setting down some serious roots in our new neighborhood. Not that the unaddressed interim news hasn't had my attention - Gonzo's inexplicable flailing, the YouTube Dems debate and the upcoming GOP dodge of the same forum, Lindsay Lohan one-upping Britney and Paris, endless crapitutity from those dwindling loyal Bushies. But I must say that there's only one story on my radar today - that horrible bridge collapse in Minneapolis. I got my B.A. from the University of Minnesota. I walked or rode my bike across the Mississippi on what seems like every day I lived in Minneapolis. None of my friends still living back there were on the collapsed bridge at the moment of tragedy. Everyone's obviously still too stunned to be angry. But I guarantee you that stage is just around the corner. I will be posting info soon for those looking to investigate their own locale's infrastructure. Because, obviously, we can't trust our government to do it for us.

Hope your own survivor stories today revolve around hot dog eating contests. Rock on.