"God, this ain't no nut!"

Today's most unintentionally hilarious story comes to us from Wilmington, NC where a customer at Kohl's Frozen Custard shop found - say it together with me people - a finger in his frozen custard. And this time, it's for real. Apparently, one of the employees had recently lost part of a finger and it ended up in the custard. Yes, of course this is sick. But the quotes from the unfortunate custardian - Clarence Stowers, who brought home a pint of the as yet unnamed flavor - are priceless. As reported by TV station WWAY:

"I thought it was candy because they put candy in your ice cream ... to make it a treat," Stowers told WWAY. Stowers said he spit the object out, and "I said, 'God, this ain't no nut!' So I came in here to the kitchen and rinsed it off with water and realized it was a human finger and I just started screaming."

Stowers plans to sue and is keeping the finger in his freezer.

Enough already with the "Laura Bush tells bawdy jokes" bullshit stories. I've watched her routine from the White House Correspondents Association dinner and it sucked. Not Dubya-level unfunny suckiness, but that's almost impossible to replicate. Do not claim that blue jokes about herself, Lynne Cheney, Condi, Karen Hughes and Dubya humanize them. This is just more misdirection on the part of media outlets that would rather replay jokes about the Prezidunt jerking off a horse than address the reasons why Iraq has been in chaotic disarray for the past week. If it was genuinely funny stuff, I'd give credit where it was due. But this routine was just more speech-writers' masturbatory hooey. The frightened, uncomfortable smile on Dubya's face through the routine said it all - even though he knew this was coming, he's so unapproachably chock-full o' hubris that he can't stand hearing his wife steal the spotlight at his expense. That travesty was only appallingly surpassed by how terribly Cedric the Alleged Entertainer bombed. Check it out if you doubt my read on the performance.

Today may be a big transition day for Maya in terms of the sportiness of her mobility options. Namely, we're planning to get her jogging stroller - the high tech BOB is our chosen chariot. She's holding her head up well enough to get her cruising in upright fashion. Or so we think. Check back for the inaugural run photos soon. Rock on.