Covering sleeping homeless people since 1851. Poorly, I might add.

Sunday for those of us churchless liberals is usually about one thing. Unless there's brunch. The lump of deadtree that is the Sunday NYTimes. I know, I know - I need to finally move over to the entirely electronic form of this weekly dive into the finest paper in all the land. So today, my two faves come from other online sources.

The Politico pulls some pretty petty reporting of Hillary's campaign being horrible at paying their bills. But I can't wait for the direct-mail pushback from said lackies as they run to that unseemly copy center way out in the burbs that still writes up advance work orders. Synopsis - Hillary is broke.

New York Magazine has a super-snarky throwaway piece that offers some dish on how John and Elizabeth Edwards feel about the lobbying for their endorsements. Synopsis - Hillary's been very professional, Obama's been a bit of a dick.

As a bonus, here's one half-hearted shout out to the NYTimes for a Sunday Styles piece on the inherent connectivity between Brooklyn and the East Bay. I don't buy the synopsis for a second (they are inextricably connected by some sort of culture warp) since almost as much time is spent talking crap about things miles away from the East Bay. Kinda like saying Staten Island and Milwaukee are one in the same and spending half your time ordering at The Brat Stop in Kenosha. Yet one of my personal faves - the Mollusk Surf Shop in the Outer Sunset of San Francisco - gets a big blurb. I love the Mollusk (best t-shirts in California). So, weirdly...whoo-hoo.

Hope your don't lose an unread section in an unfortunate French Toast spill today. Rock on.

Aloof Goofs Spoof for Boof!

Baseball. The Major League kind. Can you smell it? Ah, it's fresh. Namely, our Nation's beloved Milwaukee Brewers kick off their pennant run with an opener at Wrigley Field on Monday. Many questions remain for the Brew Crew - who will round out their starting piching rotation, will Rickie Weeks finally show up at the plate, will Mike Cameron's 25-game suspension for banned steroids cause his balls to shrink even more, is there any expected end to the lingering winter back yonder? But I think we all can find reason for excited optimism at the foreseen onset of our respective Opening Days. Even though it's currently snowing outside here in Seattle, at least it's not snowing inside. That would suck. So here's to a fine Season for all. Including my new favorite non-Brewer - Boof Bonser.


Said Boof is a pitcher who's been burdened with the nickname "Boof" since early childhood. Yet he legally changed his name from John Paul to Boof. Not surprisingly, he's a Minnesota Twin. He's chubby. He's probably a dick. But I love love LOVE the name. Here's to you, Boof. May the Brewers beat you in Game 7 of the World Series on a surprising goof that in no way diminishes your Cy Young winning year.

Hope your own delusional self-regard prevents you from changing your name to "Dudemeister" today. Rock on.

Rick Astley - the cure for Global Warming. 'Cause he's so cool.

Approximately 47 years ago a good friend in college repeatedly alleged that I was a dead-ringer for British pop dink, Rick Astley. Alas, male-pattern baldness and the surprising ability to afford groceries changed my celebrity-mis-sightings. Nonetheless, I am still pleased by the occasional offhand mention of my doppelganger. Case in point - the hilarious phenomenom of "Rick Rolling" wherein unsuspecting dolts are paired with Rick Astley's "timeless" vids from the 80s. If the last sentence sounds like a language you don't understand, consider yourself less burdened by mindlessness than most trolling the internets. But if you like the cut of my jib, here's the fix you need.

Rick Astley is alive. And he thinks Rick Rolling is cool. Is it just me, or did I just step into a time machine? Oh wait, it's just me.

Hope your own VH1 specials feature a special appearance by Downtown Julie Brown today. Rock on.

"Frontline" presents a masterful draft of History

Ah, history. PBS gave us all a hearty taste of it over the last two nights (viewable in its entirety online). "Bush's War" is a two-part documentary that is absolutely chilling. It represents a singular achievement that is the best journalism I've seen in any medium in years and years. There are so many worthy take-aways (Condi Rice had no experience, Tommy Franks smokes two packs a day in between drinking 15 cups of coffee, Donald Rumsfeld is utterly evil, Richardo Sanchez was the most junior Three-Star General in the Army when he got promoted to run the whole show, yada yada yada). But seeing Jerry Bremer seethe and stumble through his answers to the toughest questions is just plain stunning insight. This is the story of a generation. Of nincompoops. I've been a fan of the long form style of "Frontline" for years. But they have never been better or more relevant. Watch it. Tell everyone you know about it. You're welcome.

Oh, and the most entertaining found video clip of the new Millenium. Watch this, as well. For entirely different reasons.



Hope your own Peabody Award is also inevitably in the offing today. Rock on.

Anniversary, saddamiversary - let's call the whole thing off.

Every time our lethargic nation chooses to pay attention to Iraq, we're told to believe that a turning point is at hand. The 5th Anniversary of the invasion and the bleak milestone of 4000 dead American soldiers are only the most recent examples of trying to change the flavor of the moment with a turn or two of phrase. But in trying to recollect a now cloudy thought of my own just a few moments ago - the argument that the invasion needed to happen in March before the weather turned decidedly toward summer and the temperatures escalated for our troops in their chemical suits - I came across a lost gem. Via the White House website, no less. If you love punishing post mortems, I highly recommend a quick read. If you want the nugget and can do without the waste, Condi Rice falsely argued in late January of 2003 that the Prezidunt had the justification to do the U.N.'s bidding and forcefully disarm Saddam. She closed by saying that Iraq should know that "time is running out." Yet, here we are, over 5 years later, being told to expect that troop levels through the end of Dubya's reign will remain basically the same. While the fractured Mahdi Army and associated Shiite allies conduct an obvious offensive. As the weather heats up. And basic services are at a worse level than before the invasion. And our nation looks at the daily drumbeat of bad economic newsiness with a sense of not knowing what's next. Hell, even Seattle is finally seeing a depreciation of housing valuation for the first time since 1991. I hate to get all canary in the coalmine about this whole fandango. But wake up, America. Today may not be a Tet Offensive. But the stretched parallels to that sleepy late January lunar New Year are awkwardly hard to deny, at best. Scary as hell, at worst.

Hope your own discovered past speeches only feature lame Beavis and Butthead jokes today. Rock on.

"If only for the grace of Gawd, my companion Sinbad survived to open strongly that following Holidaze Season in the beloved "Jingle All the Way"!"

It's no secret that Barack Obama and family planned to take a few days off away from the media glare to vacation. They chose the U.S. Virgin Islands, left yesterday (on Easter), and plan to return to Chicago on Tuesday. But thankfully, FOX News is able to break through his unpatriotic choice and bring us a bad phone interview and digital pic from the beach to confirm that he truly is acting like the closeted Muslim they surely still believe him to be. Please be sure to wash you hands after if you choose to click through on this pathetic snippet.

I'm curious to see just how far the questioning goes of Hillary's "we took on sniper fire and had to run for the cars...with Chelsea, Sinbad, Sheryl Crow and Willem DeFoe's tragic character trying to keep up with me" crap sandwich. Not far, I expect. But if you think this sort of thing doesn't have legs for a voracious media pack, I'll be certainly willing to pass the collection plate down your pew...



Hope your own opposition research deals mainly with kitchen magnets today. Rock on.

Ah, those quiet moments with a book. No matter your age, 'tis one of life's great pleasures.

Ah, those quiet moments with a book. No matter your age, 'tis one of life's great pleasures.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

"Is it just me, or do the black jelly beans taste like daddy's

"Is it just me, or do the black jelly beans not taste like daddy's socks?"
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Maya and her best bud Marine - totally faking it. Not.

Maya and her best bud Marine - totally faking it. Not.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Maya listens intently to the story of how Queen Esther saved the Easter Bunny. Or something to that effect.

Maya listens intently to the story of how Queen Esther saved the Easter Bunny. Or something to that effect.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Maya at takeoff.

Maya at takeoff.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Maya gets to work on her owl costume for Purim.

Maya gets to work on her owl costume for Purim.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

Maya inspects just some of the herb seeds we got in the dirt this week.

Maya inspects just some of the herb seeds we got in the dirt this week.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

A true matzo miracle, with a Door County-shaped pizza addition.

A true matzo miracle, with a Door County-shaped pizza addition.
Originally uploaded by emaggie

"Oh, and can you give me some snow up top, with legs?"

A quick coffee-snob critique. I try to only support the independent shops. But the occasional over-the-top dork you bump up against therein can be as unpalatable as the world's worst squirrel stew served in a rusty iron lung. Such as the guy in line behind me this morning at one of my faves. He literally ordered a "triple shot vanilla soy latte, two decaf one caf, extra hot". Really, dude? Aside from the infinitely-remote possibility that you have the sort of tastebuds that can discern spices on the parts per million basis as activated by temperature...can you please just tuck that in a bit. Because it makes us all look sucky.

For those desperate for an update - Maya's thriving in her part-time daycare. She's got two new best friends (Marine and Katie). She already knows more about Judaism than me and Sarah combined. Such as the background details on tomorrow's celebration - Purim. Apparently, it's the Mardi Gras of the Jewish calendar. Costumes, lots of drinking, noisemakers, and a carnival atmosphere meant to celebrate Esther and mock Haman's failed attempt to rid Persia of Jews something like 2600 years ago. Whoo-hoo! Kinda like Summerfest in Milwaukee. Well, without all the justified human ceremony and historical reflection. But I ask you - has Tom Petty ever played Purim? Regardless, check back for what I expect will be a bundle of pics from tomorrow morning's celebration.

Hope your own use of Haman is a friendly "hey, mahn" today. Rock on.

Obama's timing couldn't draw a stronger contrast if he delivered "The Speech" with a "Mission Accomplished" banner behind him

Barack Obama delivered his finest speech this morning in Philadelphia. Which is saying a helluva lot, given how many other fine speeches he is credited with delivering in the past. This time he was attempting to quell a storm - the opportunistic tempest stirred up by endless replays of his former Pastor Jeremiah Wright's bombastic sermons over the last few news cycles. In due course, Obama took on race, history, religion and his truly unique ancestry when compared with a typical candidate for any elected office in this Nation (much less the highest in the Land). He did so with characteristic flair, nonetheless weaving in some digs at Hillary and policy positions on education, health care, foreign policy and our image abroad. I've made no secret of my support for him. I will now go a step further. This candidate has the power to change everything. Obama just keeps getting stronger in front of history's caustic glare. I expect he just won over a ton of those wavering in the past few weeks. If he doesn't win the Presidency, I will quit blogging. Which I'm sure would please more than a few of those aimlessly antagonistic readers. But I'll throw down the challenge, nonetheless.

What if you started a War based on lies, had no plan for how to get out, spent trillions of dollars, killed nearly 4000 volunteer soldiers, and fiddled away the same old tune while the economy melted down 5 years later? Any rational student of history would conclude that you'd be pretty well screwed. So on this dubious anniversary, as the Fed throws everything and the kitchen sink into the chasm that is rapidly opening beneath the feet of so many Americans, I'd like to remind Dubya of his oft-repeated phrasing. "History will decide." Yup, for once we agree.

Hope your own anniversaries relate to the good things in life today. Rock on.

Everything I Ever Needed to Know Would Never Have Been Taught in Kindergarten

This afternoon I had a "training session" for the next stage of the Washington State Democratic Caucus procedure (I'm a delegate from our lowly Precinct level of involvement, up to this point). Hereafter, I'm able to run for one of 40 slots against 859 current Barack Obama delegates. Which still ain't even close to the National Convention. Whatever. It's time to sling some mud in random fashion. That's my campaign motto. So here goes.

Hillary's laugh is fake. John McCain will never, ever pull all our troops out of Iraq. John Boehner's birthname was actually "Hardy Boner". Nancy Pelosi is reluctant to show off her killer bod. Harry Reid is a Mormon (seriously). Ted Kennedy cries uncontrollably twice a day. Russ Feingold deserves to be our next (Vice) President. Bill Gates secretly loves SPAM. Eliot Spitzer only would frequent hookers that had an extra toe on at least one foot. Donald Rumsfeld has taken up floral arranging and scrapbooking to ward off the realization that he'll burn in hell forever. Britney Spears eats one kitten and most of two puppies every day. All hybrid vehicles are 13% more fuel efficient if you stick a carrot in the lighter slot. Gawd is dead.

Glad I could help. Hope your own non sequiters are non sequitish today. Rock on.

Ladies and Gentlemen - here's the Hooker we've all been looking for...

How much do you think you were worth per hour at 22-years-old? Please consider inflation. Apparently, I TOTALLY undervalued myself. Ashley Alexandra Dupre` was deemed worth $1000/hour by a former Governor of New York. Just imagine if The Gap had to honor that sort of minimum wage. "Please enjoy your $7000 jeans, sir."

Hope your own MySpace is YourSpace today. Rock on.

But the price will seem a bargain when you consider the bonus "Lewinsky" bundled in the package.

The countdown is on for Eliot Spitzer's resignation. If I had an office to pool, I'd pick just after the markets close this afternoon. In the only positive aspect I can mine from this story, I'm personally very interested in David Paterson as Governor (he'll be the first blind Governor in our Nation's history). He sounds like a stand-up fella. But Spitz - what a FUBAR disaster. I met a guy 3 years ago at a wedding who was working as an Assistant District Attorney in New York and could speak at length personally of Spitz. At the time, admittedly, I was blinded by the rising star media story that surrounded the then NY Attorney General. In knowing contrast, he thought Spitz was scum. Not about anything like this scandal, but the self-righteousness that was so obvious to those that worked under him. I'm sure stories like that will dominate the next few cycles. At least until someone tracks down "Kristen" and readies her image for the inevitable "Playboy" spread. For the moment, everyone's chopping up Spitz's still warm corpse while offering well-worn sympathetic canards. For his wife. His three teenage daughters. His ruined career as a crime fighter. His emboldened past targets. What. Ever. Anyone who pays $4300 for just over two hours with a petite brunette that didn't get to toss her off a pyramid afterwards - well, you're just a dumb, rich jerk who already has a spot reserved in history's Gallery of Political Shame. I suggest hung right next to Larry Craig.

Hope your own illegal interstate commerce today at worst deals with shipping Girl Scout cookies. Rock on.

Get out your calculators...and then throw them away.

Nobody expects Wyoming to have much sway when it comes to the Democratic nominating process. Or, I should say, nobody EXPECTED Wyoming to have much sway. But with only 11 remaining States and Territories (Puerto Rico, Guam) left to voice their preference, Wyoming's moment in the Dems sun was yesterday. Typical '08 caucus - huge turnout, big Obama victory. The response from the Clinton campaign? States don't matter, unless they're named Texas, Ohio, Florida, Michigan or Pennsylvania. So I'll let them furiously pirouette around the momentum argument, which even I'm becoming tired of watching. Basically, for me it boils down to this - if the current breakdowns expected from the remaining contests hold even Dubya-budget-close to what is expected (even with do-overs in Florida and Michigan) Obama wins well over 30 States/Territories, pledged delegates and the popular vote. So...his head is on the block for the Clintons to whack at mercilessly. They either take him out, or they lose. Which do you expect? I'm personally terrified of the prospects. Or, to play the national security card I've personally used ever since 9/11, I'm more afraid of the response than what's already occurred. One sidelight - Saturday Night Live's smackdown of Hillary's "3 am phone" ad that aired last night was a hard slap that rang out for me with a necessary feel of evening up the satirical scorecard. Don't expect to hear Hillary bringing that one up on the stump. Ever.

Hope you're able to sleep through the night without interruptions for the foreseeable future. Rock on.

I only hope he also quits making Wrangler commericals.

Oh, the sadness. Brett Favre is retiring. It has been suggested that the Green Bay Packers didn't work hard enough at encouraging him to return for another year. If true, Ted Thompson (the Packers' GM) will soon replace Osama bin Laden as the favorite burning effigy at every frat party in Wisconsin. I mean - COME ON! Not doing everything possible to get Favre back for another season is like McDonalds deciding that Ronald McDonald should be replaced as chief spokesman by Grimace. Or College Republicans replacing their worship of Ronald Reagan with a newfound zeal for Bob Dole's zombie-like visage. I'm just glad to have been able to cheer for Favre over the past 16 years. When he replaced the horrifically self-absorbed Don Majkowski and went on to start the next 275 games, old and new Packer fans everywhere got that special glint in their eye. Brett was a revelation. He scared the pants off everyone, including his biggest fans. He threw like the meanest kid ever, joked with the baddest asses on the other side of the line, and made it up as he went along. But that was all an act - he was as smart as anyone who ever played the game. Sports icons can be overly lauded, to be sure. But Favre earned it - every season, in every way. So I hope we all raise an Old Style in his honor this evening. I can honestly say that I will truly miss seeing him play and thank him for every touchdown, every victory, and, yes, every interception and those few crushing losses. On balance, he gave Wisconsin more joy than anything ever invented. Besides Vince Lombardi. Or beer.

Hope your own teams have a decent back-up waiting in the wings that didn't just crap his pants this morning. Rock on.