This afternoon I had a "training session" for the next stage of the Washington State Democratic Caucus procedure (I'm a delegate from our lowly Precinct level of involvement, up to this point). Hereafter, I'm able to run for one of 40 slots against 859 current Barack Obama delegates. Which still ain't even close to the National Convention. Whatever. It's time to sling some mud in random fashion. That's my campaign motto. So here goes.
Hillary's laugh is fake. John McCain will never, ever pull all our troops out of Iraq. John Boehner's birthname was actually "Hardy Boner". Nancy Pelosi is reluctant to show off her killer bod. Harry Reid is a Mormon (seriously). Ted Kennedy cries uncontrollably twice a day. Russ Feingold deserves to be our next (Vice) President. Bill Gates secretly loves SPAM. Eliot Spitzer only would frequent hookers that had an extra toe on at least one foot. Donald Rumsfeld has taken up floral arranging and scrapbooking to ward off the realization that he'll burn in hell forever. Britney Spears eats one kitten and most of two puppies every day. All hybrid vehicles are 13% more fuel efficient if you stick a carrot in the lighter slot. Gawd is dead.
Glad I could help. Hope your own non sequiters are non sequitish today. Rock on.
Showing posts with label britney spears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label britney spears. Show all posts
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
The Chicago Cubs will die angry and miss everything cool
Today's Top Three driveby stories of the most obvious and overdue derision.
1. O.J. Mudderfu**ng Simpson. Stealing back memorabilia including the suit he wore at his acquittal in '95. I strongly suggest the judge in Las Vegas require that he wear his bounty at his upcoming sentencing.
2. Britney Spears. I, for one, thought she was totally hot as she meandered around the stage in Las Vegas. Oh wait - what are the odds that both O.J. and Britney would dissemble entirely at the same hotel (Palms Oasis) the same week. What happens in Vegas should please, PLEASE stay in Vegas. Even though we know in either of these cases it won't.
3. The Packers are hot (2-0) and the Brewers are in a race for the playoffs after months of wavering frontrunnership. So all these years of wishing on those falling chunks of Skylab have finally paid off. Thank you, Gawd.
Hope your own moments of self-congratulation don't come back to bite you in the panties today. Rock on.
1. O.J. Mudderfu**ng Simpson. Stealing back memorabilia including the suit he wore at his acquittal in '95. I strongly suggest the judge in Las Vegas require that he wear his bounty at his upcoming sentencing.
2. Britney Spears. I, for one, thought she was totally hot as she meandered around the stage in Las Vegas. Oh wait - what are the odds that both O.J. and Britney would dissemble entirely at the same hotel (Palms Oasis) the same week. What happens in Vegas should please, PLEASE stay in Vegas. Even though we know in either of these cases it won't.
3. The Packers are hot (2-0) and the Brewers are in a race for the playoffs after months of wavering frontrunnership. So all these years of wishing on those falling chunks of Skylab have finally paid off. Thank you, Gawd.
Hope your own moments of self-congratulation don't come back to bite you in the panties today. Rock on.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Depart Off Failure
So there you have it America. Dubya calls the pre-ordained troop rotations a "Return On Success." As Thomas Ricks pointed out last night for the Washington Post - it sounds like a Merrill Lynch ad. A bad one, I'll add. If Dubya was worth more parsing, I'd get my panties all in a bunch and do so. But I've got a different point to make.
Iraq is doomed. Other nations in modern history have dissembled into decades of civil war given a horrifying minority acting off of a majority opinion of dissatisfaction. But this one's a totally new level of screw-up. And as the instigating Nation, everyone back here in the US of A is tarnished. The anemic anti-war movement inspires less people than those hepped on the new Fall TV schedule. The fraudulent pro-war movement are the same genetic strain of hooligans that enjoyed the gladitory events at the Colliseum before the fall of Rome. And people like me that have been against this sort of folly since 9/11 are just as screwed as the lot of us. No wonder Britney Spears drunkenly hogging the spotlight @ the MTV VMAs is so much, much more fun. Here's my point - we need to get mad. Intelligently mad. The Surge is a failure. The Extension of the Surge meant to "Return On Success" is a fraud. People need to rise up, march in the Streets and clog up the business of Government. Our Nation can't take this extension without suffering the ultimate loss. That of the Nation itself. I got in trouble with a group of beloved friends a year ago saying that we are a more divided Nation than at any time in our history, even though we don't realize it yet. I won't claim prescience. But that's what it increasingly feels like. We can't settle this Iraqi civil war even though we caused it. We must stop. One more dead American is far, far too many. And that's all I've got to say about that.
Hope your own riffs lead to something more today. Rock on.
Iraq is doomed. Other nations in modern history have dissembled into decades of civil war given a horrifying minority acting off of a majority opinion of dissatisfaction. But this one's a totally new level of screw-up. And as the instigating Nation, everyone back here in the US of A is tarnished. The anemic anti-war movement inspires less people than those hepped on the new Fall TV schedule. The fraudulent pro-war movement are the same genetic strain of hooligans that enjoyed the gladitory events at the Colliseum before the fall of Rome. And people like me that have been against this sort of folly since 9/11 are just as screwed as the lot of us. No wonder Britney Spears drunkenly hogging the spotlight @ the MTV VMAs is so much, much more fun. Here's my point - we need to get mad. Intelligently mad. The Surge is a failure. The Extension of the Surge meant to "Return On Success" is a fraud. People need to rise up, march in the Streets and clog up the business of Government. Our Nation can't take this extension without suffering the ultimate loss. That of the Nation itself. I got in trouble with a group of beloved friends a year ago saying that we are a more divided Nation than at any time in our history, even though we don't realize it yet. I won't claim prescience. But that's what it increasingly feels like. We can't settle this Iraqi civil war even though we caused it. We must stop. One more dead American is far, far too many. And that's all I've got to say about that.
Hope your own riffs lead to something more today. Rock on.
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