Where have all the pretty flowers gone?

Yesterday's Florida GOP Primary gave us a front-runner, and cost us a terrorizing shmuck. The Florida Dems also held a meaningless beauty contest that absolutely no one should listen to the Clintons handicap. And John Edwards is finally out of gas after running steadily in third-ish place for nearly 5 years. Just wait for all the over-the-top analysis to completely miss the point. Which is - you gotta win something to actually have a shot at winning something. Hope you keep things in proper perspective today. Rock on.

Wanna bet?

It's go time. Everyone in the political universe and their central-casting retarded cousin and/or loving wife is currently in New Hampshire, prepped and over-caffeinated before tomorrow's Primary. So I'm going to offer a hopefully tasty rhetorical biscotti to munch on while considering anyone else's at-least-as-plausible prediction. With a challenge. I'll bet all comers One Canadian Dollar to offer up their own full breakdown. The closest by points (over or under) to each individual pick, then totalled for a final score wins the Loonie. I accept PayPal. Or general kudos. Game on.

The Democrat Party
Barack Obama - 46%
Hillary Clinton - 29%
John Edwards - 16%
Bill Richardson - 7%
Dennis Kucinich - 2%

The Republic Party
John McCain - 36%
Mitt Romney - 28%
Ron Paul - 18%
Rudy Guiliani - 9%
Mike Huckabee - 7%
Random morons - 2%

You can tell what I'm feeling. Hope y'all have the popcorn ready for tomorrow's feature. Rock on.

When Ayad Allawi's the funniest man in the conversation, we're so totally screwed...

A quickie reference to the NYTimes Op/Ed page today. Which was a fairly sickening distillation of everything our current political reality represents in a single page. Paul Krugman rightly eviscerated Rudy Guiliani - in this case regarding his fear-mongering on, of all viable possibilities, health care options. David Brooks wrote the least funny piece possible regarding the Dems debate earlier this week. And Ayad Allawi (assuredly ghost-written by shameless shill and former Bushie Deputy National Security Adviser Robert Blackwill) railed against elections. In Iraq. Cough. There are thousands of take-aways from this trifecta. Do yourself a favor and search for your own. You owe it to the cocktail parties you'll hopefully attend this weekend.

Hope your own jokes today are eons better than the umpfrickinteenth reference to John Edwards' hair or Joe Biden's verbosity. Rock on.

Throwing immense piles of elephant poop

Last night's GOP debate was atrociously lame. While too many are focused on the internecine sparring, the tipping point moment was Mitt Romney saying that a President would need to "sit down with his lawyers" to determine if a pre-emptive attack on Iran was doable. Ahem. Ron Paul went apeshite and will surely see his already crazed internuts send cash by the bushels in response. Everyone else just looked horrible both before and after. Rudy Guiliani has the scariest worldview imaginable - he must be having marital problems. Again. Fred Thompson has as much of a chance of becoming President as David Spade. Duncan Hunter and Tom Tancredo both have to be gay given the Larry Craigness of their vitriolic nonsense. Sam Brownback and Mike Huckabee have the dumbest names in the history of the Republic. If any of these maniacs are our next President, we're all moving to Canada.

Hope your own debates are about chicken vs. fish today. Rock on.

Ooh that Freddie...

The GOP field for Prez is pretty hard to like. The storylines are all predictably lame. Romney's shown more spit and polish than I expected. Guiliani's playing the bombthrower. The margins (Tancredo, Gilmore, Ron "Actually Two First Names" Paul) are weirder than usual. Yet in summation, dull dull dull. I'm not betting on Fred "Aces: Iron Eagle III" Thompson livening things up. Still, can't hurt. Especially if you check out his latest homestate Sunday newsy profile.

More importantly, the Brewers are so hot it's largely surreal. They are finding all sorts of ways to win games. Hot hitting, great pitching, strong bullpen. Ned "Huge Nicknamer Guy" Yost wanted a hot start and got exactly what had been predicted. Prince Fielder is scary. JJ Hardy is hitting like a 'roidhead. Everybody contributes. I'm telling y'all - this team is the real deal. Me so happy.

Hope your own profiles track down only the kids from high school that thought you were like totally cool. Rock on.

Rudy? Fuggeddaboutit.

In my own personal version of Hell, Peggy Noonan shows up half-wasted in a haltertop on all the late night talk shows. And they never shut off her mike. Never, NEVER, do I find her insightful. Snarky, yes. Insightful, no chance. Until now. Thankfully, I only need to eat this salty crow insofar as the Republican field for '08 is concerned. Her kernal of brilliance is that McCain is at least trying to present himself as someone with a longview - disasterously wrong, as it may be - while Rudy's a poseur and an utterly ridiculous candidate. Peel the onion like Noonan has and you'll realize that the GOP field is all stink, no veggie. So to speak.

Brewers got rained out in St. Louie last night. But they were soooo ready to play.

Hope you hit for the cycle today. Rock on.