Cole Hauser in..."The Underneathening"

As a part of our TurkeyDaze film festin', I'll give "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" a C-minus. Rote, formulaic filmmaking from a sprawling story that was largely adhered to in an effort to prevent the revolt of TrueFans. Lame. Most geeky Potterheads will probably have much to complain about as examples of inappropriate edits from that story. Those of us that are less obsessive will have WAY too much time in this Chapter (2:30 running time, felt like 5:30) to be distracted by unintended funny bits. Like how the actor that plays Ron Weasley looks so much like a young Danny Bonaduce I want to suggest pre-emptive rehab. Or how when Voldemort was finally revealed (played by a quickly recognized Ralph Fiennes), it appeared that his look was stolen from the lead singer of Midnight Oil. Many reviewers have been rather creepy about this coming of age turn for the main characters. I was just bored by the glaring lack of spark, even when those lead characters are charmingly authentic. I believe that by far the best Potter movie was the Third. There's just something about this magical material that pleads for a darker, sillier Director's touch. This floppy turn will still make a bazillion dollars. A bit of inspiration would have been nice, though.

After the movie last night, we scrambled for parking close to the restaurant we'd chosen (Taiko - unpretentious, delicious Japanese). While driving around, I recognized the actor Cole Hauser getting into a car with a friend. He's never gotten close to the likability of his role in "Dazed and Confused" as the white, beer-drinkin', pick-up drivin' football chum. Since then, he's segwayed into crappy thrillers. I then jokingly tried to remember the title of the latest action dud he starred in. I came up with many possibilities, including (use the most faux-bombastic voice possible) - Cole Hauser in "Deep Crevass"..."Hell Lives Below"..."There's Something Down There..."..."Stalag-Fright!"..."Dark Blackness"...they're all good. Or at least they're better than the actual title ("The Cave"). If you're reading, Cole - give me a jingle. I've been thinking and I've got a buncha ideas that would be perfect for you. We should do lunch. Rock on.