Friday, February 24, 2006

Showing the World how we begin every day with a jumpball...

With Iraq further descending into widely-forecast chaos and our collective American tittie in a relentless twister, I'm sure many of us are like poor young petite skinny rich famous traditionally-attractive Sasha Cohen today. We vaguely need a pick-me-up. A post-elite-clubbing dust-me-off. A spa treatment and champagne enema hug before starting all over again trying to rake in endorsements. But before doing so, I have to point to the preponderance of irrelevance that topped Google News this morning. If you haven't read the news yet today, don't bother. Unless Bradgelina or Bennifer drop trou in front of a live TV audience, you ain't missing nothin' if you just peruse the comics and read your horoscope. Cases in point...

1. iTunes just passed a Billion songs sold. I've not bought one yet. So this can't be true.
2. Ice skating is the biggest draw in the Winter Olympics. Yet travelling minstrel shows like "Disney on Ice" are routinely chased from cities by angry mobs. Where does that disconnect come from?
3. South Dakota is now officially the State where you are least likely to get laid. But boy is North Dakota looking like Cancun in comparison, eh?
4. Beavers. Apparently, they're way older than we thought. I, for one, am not surprised.
5. John Bolton "invited" the UN Security Council to join him at a Knicks game to see "everyday America". I imagine a night out with Bolton would make a force-feeding and firehose shower at Guantanomo look like a spa treatment. Talk about torture.


See what I mean? Interminable crap. We're SOOOO waiting for the other shoe to drop as a Nation if this is the junk we're being fed as news with all that's upending itself in the World currently. So if I were to put money down on, say, the date and time of an alien invasion, I'd pick right about...now. Hope your own bets pay off mightily regardless. Rock on.

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