Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Barry Bonds clumsily tries to convince the World he's only occasionally the biggest jerk anyone's ever met.

Partly due to the Milwaukee Brewers frenzy soon-to-be engulfing the nation after their second win in as many tries to open the Season, I got into an exchange yesterday defending the honor of our closer, Derrick Turnbow. The fray was contained on a San Francisco collectively-published blog (SFist.com) that I have had great synergistic connections with in the past. But their Giants guy was WAY outta line when he tried to tag Turnbow as a 'roid-head somehow on par with the mutated-humanoid that currently calls itself Barry Bonds. Turnbow tested positive for an "andro" derivative back in '03 while auditioning for the '04 U.S. Olympic baseball team. For those of you that remember, androstenedione is the stuff that supafreak Mark "I'm not here to talk about the past" McGuire tested positive for taking. It's illegal for international competitors. As it should be. Turnbow took his suspension like a man (2 years of ineligibility for international competition). Bonds, meanwhile, was rubbing the "cream" and the "clear" all over his 'nads while doing all manner of unmentionable crap to his horribly-disfigured body. But the point I hope to make here is simple - San Francisco is the only place in the world that retains defenders of Barry Bonds, often while pointing fingers everywhere else. If it came out tomorrow that Brett Favre drank bull adrenillin and rubbed pixie dust on his balls, I'd be the first to go against my genetic make-up and criticize this legendary Packer. Will Giants fans actually do the same, albeit not in hypothetical terms? I'm not so sure. Regardless, the ESPN reality show "Bonds on Bonds" is TV crack - the money goes to the worst people, any alleged payoff evaporates in a wispy moment, you'll hate yourself immediately thereafter. My TiVo almost walked out on me after being asked to record last night's premeire. But I'm watching this train wreck, through and through.

Hope your own buzz today is legal, yet boffo. Rock on.

2 comments:

vcthree said...

I watched 10 minutes of "Bonds on Bonds", and basically quit so I could watch the NCAA Women's Final instead. The impression that I got out of what little I watched was, to be frank, that Bonds is insufferable; I don't know if I'm going to be able to watch one minute more of this without uttering:

--"Shut up, Bonds."
--"What an A**-hole"
--"What? Shut up, Bonds!"
--"Oh, really?"
--"What else is on?"

Sigh. And what's funny is that ESPN had to put a disclaimer before the "Original Entertainment" tag. Translation: If Bonds says something racist or totally stupid, it's not our fault--that's on him, his agent, and his production company. ESPN just provided boom mikes and cameras, dude."

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