Tuesday, March 14, 2006

And Number 5, Texas outlaws the use of the word "Allah" unless used in conjunction with the words "have an order of ribs".

Even if you live in the freakishly warm N'East or the broad swath of the country either recovering from tornadoes or fighting wildfires (is this really only March? and does anyone still dispute that our climate is changing like crazy?), there's a terrible chill in the air this morning. Specifically, I'm talking about a story in the NYTimes this morning about how college scholarships created for women and minorities are being flooded by applications from white men. Frat guys, largely. Well, I don't know that for sure, but I bet they've all been on the business end of a beer bong in the recent past and have at least one dog named "Dubya". Regardless, I'm sure anyone with a brain would ask "why?" and "can they do that?" and maybe even "what about gay white men?" Basically, the Bushies are pushing through their grassroots a further dissembling of anything that hints at affirmative action. And just like the utterly illegal abortion ban South Dakota recently decided to have tattooed on its ignorant ass, this movement is more about arrogant over-reaching given the new members of the Supreme Court than anything else, say, rational. Or legal. So I'm going out on a limb here to predict some new "Test the New Supreme Court" initiatives. Admittedly, they're about as likely to move on as my NCAA Women's Basketball bracket's Champion. In that one, I picked the Duke men's team to win. Because if you're going to break down barriers...
  1. Maryland's GOP finally gathers the balls necessary to call for a renaming of the State. Their proposal - Herbland. The cross-pollenization from the NORML crowd brings those extremes together for the first (and last) time.
  2. Pat Robertson announces plans for a pro-Israel, anti-Jew theme park. He dubs it "Christalvania".
  3. David Duke and Ralph Reed begin construction with the money they've illegally raised to construct a wall around the former-City of New Orleans, specifically designed to keep out black and Hispanic people. The Department of Homeland Security re-appropriates their levee construction money to the project, which is being handled by Halliburton's chicken-wire and mesh subcontractor.
  4. The College Republicans begin a drive to eliminate sororities for illegal housing restrictions on campuses. They pair with the producers of the "Girls Gone Wild" video series to begin building a vast array of "clothing-not-EVEN-optional" condos/shower-rooms/pillow-fight-dens on the smoking remains of those former houses. The Department of Education moves considerable funding to the new project, quickly dubbed "No Worthwhile Rack Left Behind".
Sound plausible? In Dubya's vision for America, don't be so reluctant to believe I'm onto a series of somethings. Hope your own wild speculation is equally relevant today. Rock on.


vcthree said...

As a two decade plus resident of Maryland...If they even try that, I will leave this state. It's bad enough already with the Reaganophiles out there, renaming everything in each county of this country after ol' Ronnie. But I'll die before they rename this state.

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